I Believe, it's Stupid but I Believe
by djinni14
Summary: Kate had a hole in her heart after her mother died. That hole has partially been repaired. However now she has a new hole in her heart and this time it hurts even more. Castle isn't there to help her fix it this time, ... or is he? - NOW COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**CH1 (22)**

This story picks up where the previous story "I don't believe in no Ghosts" left off. It is necessary to read that story first or this story will not make that much sense to anyone. Sorry, but you'll have to go through that first.

There is no character death in this story, I promise. Scouts honor. (Yes I was a scout once long ago. Way too long ago (insert groan here)).

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"Are you sure about this pumpkin? It's not too late to find a sitter, or I could not go in at all." Kate offered up.

They were both sitting at the kitchen counter eating breakfast. Alexander was still fast asleep upstairs in the nursery.

After he was born Kate now understood when Rick had told her that the second he laid eyes on Alexis after having been born, he had fallen in love instantly.

Kate had fallen in love with Alexander the second he was placed in her arms and had looked down at him. So much so that last night was actually his first night sleeping in the nursery. Kate had moved his crib downstairs and into the master bedroom where he had slept for weeks.

Kate didn't want to be separated from him. Kate had told herself it was because she didn't want to walk up and down the stairs every time he needed his diaper changed or needed to be fed, or just wanted attention.

Between Kate, Alexis and Martha he got all the attention he would ever want. And maybe that was the problem, not that any of them cared for a second.

Though Kate had been tired after giving birth to him. Kate had always been fit and in good shape and she worked hard at keeping it that way. However being pregnant and then giving birth to her/their son had left her tired, and trudging up and down the stairs wasn't something she was ready to do a lot of.

"We'll be fine mom." Alexis rolled her eyes, having learned it from her mom. "School is out for the summer and Lanie isn't expecting me until Monday." And since today was Saturday, ….

"And I don't have any after school projects or classes this summer, and you've pumped more than enough milk that is in the refrigerator." Alexis points to said appliance just the other side of the counter.

"You didn't have to do that Alexis. I know how much you enjoy after school projects and your desire to get into college early." Kate brings it up again. Kate liked having her home, but what was it costing her for the future.

"I don't have to mom, I want to. … And I can still make it into either Stanford or Oxford early with just a little extra work next semester. Nothing has changed mom." Alexis confirms she has worked this out and Kate doesn't need to worry.

Kate was proud of her. Being involved with Lanie had given Alexis something to reach for. Oxford was ranked 2nd and Stanford 4th in the top 10 for medical schools. Alexis still wasn't sure if she wanted to be an ME like Lanie or some other specialty, but she had made a choice.

Kate couldn't help but lean over and kiss the side of her head. "I'm proud of you pumpkin. I'm sure your father is beaming down on you too. He loved you a lot and only wanted the best for you." Kate placed a hand on Alexis's arm.

"I know he is mom, I know. … And yes, I still miss him." Alexis looked down at her breakfast and fought to blink back tears.

Kate squeezed her arm. "I miss him too, there's a new hole in my heart that I don't know how to fill this time, and Castle isn't here to help me this time." Kate worked to blink back her own tears.

"You should get going mom, or you're going to be late on your first day back." Alexis needed to get off this topic or they would both turn into blubbering messes yet again.

"I don't really have to go, …." Alexis however interrupts her.

"Get going mom, you're out of excuses. Alex and I will be fine and grams will likely be over long before you get home." Alexis was thinking she was going to have to shove her own mother out the front door.

Alexis knew she was back in shape again. Even Alexis was in better shape than she ever had been before.

Martha had opened a small acting school and already had 6 students with applications for 3 more as soon as they solidified their finances to pay for it. Martha didn't charge that much, she was using the money Rick had left her to fund it.

Martha for the most part only accepted those students who had their hearts in acting, but just couldn't afford the more established and horribly expensive schools.

Martha had found a large place that allowed for more than one set that also had a studio apartment above it. Two of the stages had already been completed and the studio apartment was presently ripped down to the studs for a complete makeover.

Kate had emptied the storage area that was down in the underground garage of everything that was in it. It had her old furniture that was donated along with a number of boxes that the three of them had gone through one box at a time.

Some of it was brought back upstairs to the loft, some of it was donated and a lot of it was sent to the landfill. It had proven to be harder to do than any of them had anticipated.

Rick had saved any number of things. Pictures none of them had seen ever or for a long time. There were homemade medals commemorating something along with nick knacks and furniture pieces from when Alexis was really little.

It had all three of them crying for a week while they cleaned it out. Kate had replaced it with exercise equipment. Kate had used it a lot to get back into shape after the baby and had talked Alexis into using it with her.

They even went out running at least once a week so far. They were both up to 5 miles so far, coming back into the loft huffing and puffing getting Martha to march them straight into the showers.

Kate was delaying at the front door. "Call me if you need anything, anything at all. I'll be home in a heartbeat."

"Will you go mom! You're dragging your feet. We'll be fine; I'm not a little girl anymore." Alexis gives Kate a little shove.

"I'm sorry pumpkin, it's just, …." Kate didn't want to be separated from her son, however her maternity leave was over. Though she had argued with Alexis that she could take some vacation days, she had a lot of days accumulated.

"I know mom, I know, … now go." Alexis shoves her mother out the door and closes the door on her and then presses the button to turn on the security system. The dead bolt automatically engaged when she did.

Kate was left standing in the hallway shaking her head and chuckling at how she got here.

The elevator ride down was torture, she was getting farther and farther away from her son. The ride into the precinct using the precinct's Dodge Charger wasn't helping any. In fact Kate had no idea how she ended up in the underground garage at the precinct.

"Oh I'm in serious trouble." Kate runs her hand through her hair. "Coffee, I need coffee."

Kate knew Castle's fancy coffee machine in the break room hated her. As often as it spitted hot anything at her Kate didn't know what it was going to do now that Castle wasn't there to stroke it and coo soothing words to it.

Kate did know that there was a coffee shop just down the road a little from the precinct that Castle always got his coffee for both of them in the mornings from. That sounded safer than the Kate hater upstairs.

Kate had just entered the coffee shop when a guy in front of her had just gotten his cup of coffee or whatever it was he had ordered. He had a binder/notebook tucked under his arm and was just turning when this notebook slipped and he spun faster taking one of his hands off the coffee cup.

It swung out a little wide and Kate's body hit it sending the contents flying with the cup falling to the floor spilling whatever was left. "I'm so sorry, I was in a hurry and not paying attention." Kate apologizes and looks him over to see if he is soaked since she doesn't feel anything.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I probably shouldn't be drinking coffee anyway." The guy tells her as he makes a grab for his notebook again since it slipped again.

"Let me get you a new one, I owe you." Kate offers still trying to figure out what to do.

"That's quite alright I'll just get a danish or something and some water." The guy argues back.

"I insist, tell me what you were drinking and go find a table." Kate tells him.

He lifts his head to look at Kate and Kate can see his brilliantly green eyes looking back at her. Kate's eyes are a little darker green. "Thanks." And he gives Kate his order and wipes his hands along his pants trying to remove coffee stains that don't exist.

Kate orders for both of them and sits down at the table he is sitting at. "Here, I really am sorry." Kate tries again.

The guy looks up at Kate again and Kate can again see his brilliantly green eyes looking back at her. "Thanks. … What's this?" He holds up a small bag that came with the coffee.

"It's a bear claw, the perfect thing to go with coffee." Kate tells him still looking into his eyes.

"I usually get a danish, cherry mostly, apple and something else that I forget. But thanks." He takes it out of the bag as Kate finally looks down and does the same.

"I think I see why they call it a bear claw." He points out holding it in his hand.

"It is kinda a dead giveaway." Kate smiles as she takes her first bite. After swallowing. "I'm Kate." Kate offers her hand.

He swallows his first bite. "Richard or Rick." Rick takes her hand.

His hand wasn't big but his fingers were long and thin and there was some muscle in them. And Kate could feel her heart flip. _'RICK?' Seriously?_

Kate started to look him over. He was tall, maybe a little taller than Castle, he was also a lot thinner, maybe too thin. There was a hint that there used to be muscles under all that somewhere. What happened to them?

He was also handsome, just not "Ruggedly handsome" like Castle. Except it looked like he hadn't shaved this morning or maybe for a couple of days really. She liked it, it gave him, …. something.

"What do you do?" Kate asks taking another bite, then a sip of her coffee.

"I'm an illustrator, watercolor, pen and ink or pastels. At the moment I'm freelance but looking to change that. I haven't been doing it for very long so I only have just the one client." Rick tells Kate.

It told Kate a few things, it also told her he didn't have much money. Likely just scraping by. Coming here to buy coffee and a danish was probably a splurge for him.

"Is that what's in your book? …. Can I see?" Kate was interested in art, just what type of illustrating did he do?

"This?" Rick places his finger on his notebook. "No I do my work at home, this is, … this is just a hobby. Something in my mind that I'm trying to get out. It's nothing." Rick places his hand palm down on it, protecting it.

What was so important about it that he thought she couldn't see? Kate was all set to ask another question when her phone vibrated. "Castle." Kate listened for a moment. "I'll be there in 30." Kate hangs up.

Kate had however seen his head snap up to look at her when she answered the phone. Did this mean he had put 2+2 together and worked out her husband was a popular writer?

"I have to go, … work." Kate stood up. "I'm really sorry about the mess. It was nice meeting you." Kate turned to leave.

"Can I ask what you do?" Rick called after her.

Kate stopped and turned to look. She was conflicted, should she? And why did she suddenly care what he thought? "I'm a homicide detective." Kate tells him, still unsure why she is answering his question. Though he did answer hers.

The look of shock was written all over his face and she noticed he actually grabbed his notebook and took it off the table and put it in his lap.

"Homicide detective, …. that is so cool. You must have a lot of cool stories." Kate could see his eyes light up and open wide. He was genuinely interested.

"Homicide isn't cool." Kate points out.

"No not that part, you're right of course. I just didn't, … I mean I never thought, … cool!" Rick was still staring at Kate.

"I have to go, it was nice meeting you Rick." Kate exits and can feel his eyes on her till she is back in her car and driving away.

Kate made it to the site but her mind was still in the coffee shop. So many questions! Didn't matter, she wasn't going to see him again anyway. She only knew his first name and meeting him was purely by accident.

"Hi Kate, welcome back. …. Kate? Hello, Earth to Kate." Lanie called out a little louder.

Kate snapped her head around to look at Lanie. "Sorry Lanie, I was, … What have we got?" Kate finally asks.

"You were a million miles away, care to share?" Lanie was only to willing to dig.

"It's nothing, … nothing. Who's this?" Kate tries again.

"Don't know yet, no ID on him." Lanie supplies.

"His clothes look nice, expensive shoes, so is the watch. So what is he doing down here?" Kate kneels down to get a closer look. "Whoo, someone has had one too many." Kate waves the air in front of her nose.

"I noticed but there are no bottles on him or near here. I'll do a blood work after I get him home." Lanie tells her.

"Cause of death?" Kate asks.

Lanie parts his shirt to reveal an ugly knife wound. "From the look of it, it made it past his ribs and straight into the heart. I can confirm that and maybe tell you what kind of knife was used."

"I don't see much blood. … So a body dump. Now we need to figure out where he was killed before being dumped here." Kate stands up.

Kate turns on Ryan and Espo. "Have uniforms do a search of the area including the dumpsters. Maybe he was killed near here and our killer dumped the knife close by.

And check all the local bars. It smells like our guy here was drunk. If we can figure out where, maybe we'll find someone who knows him and why he was there." Kate tells them.

"Who found him?" Kate asks next.

"It was an anonymous call to 911, a woman's voice." Espo tells her.

"Get the recording from them and get it to tech, maybe they can find something." Kate adds.

Kate was all set to go to her desk to start looking up how many local bars there are when Kate's, Lanie's, Ryan's and Espo's phones all vibrate.

"Castle." Kate listens and is looking at all the others also on their phones.

"Got it." Kate hangs up. "We've got another one."

"It's just around the corner Beckett, … Castle." Espo shakes his head. He was never going to get this right.

"Let's go see what we've got." Kate watches all of them start to walk away. "You too?" Kate looks at Lanie.

"I'm the closest." Lanie points out.

Of course she is. Kate shakes her head, she needs to get her mind in the game and off those green eyes.

_They're probably color contacts anyway. … Except it didn't look like he could afford them. … Focus Kate!_

Just around the corner they find another body. Kate gives Lanie a few minutes while her and the guys start looking around. Before finally returning.

"Lanie?" Kate asks looking down. He looked younger that their other vic, and yet his clothes looked nice, shoes were nice, watch looked expensive.

"No ID on the body, cause of death is a single stab wound to the chest." Lanie opens his shirt a little to display the wound. "It looks like it missed all the ribs and went straight into the heart."

"Sounds familiar, I don't see any blood so another body dump?" Kate kneels down low. "I don't smell any alcohol on this one. … Still two vics so close together. Time of death on our two?" Kate asks.

"They were both killed around the same time, 10:00 to 12:00 pm last night." Lanie tells her.

"Killed by the same guy maybe in the same way, both with a knife." Kate points out.

"I might be able to get you an impression of the knife used based on the wound. I won't know more till I get them home." Lanie tells her.

"So who found this one?" Kate turns to Espo.

"Another anonymous phone call, sounded like a woman." Espo responds.

Kate's eyes open wide. What were the odds. "Why is one drunk and one not?" Kate questions out loud.

"Designated driver?" Ryan offers.

"Two buddies out for a good time and run across someone who doesn't like them and kills them for it and dumps their bodies. So who is calling it in? And how is she connected to all this?" Kate questions.

"We still need uniforms to search the area and we need a list of local bars. If they are out partying for some reason likely they drove there if one of them isn't drinking. And check the cab companies, see if they picked up any drunks around here. Maybe they went bar hopping instead of staying in one place." Kate give Ryan and Espo their list of things to work on.

"Our two have any rings?" Kate turns back to Lanie.

"Nothing on this one, I'll have to get back to you on the other one and look closer at both of them." Lanie tells her.

Maybe they took their rings to make it harder to ID them?

Kate got back into her car and headed for the 12th to set up her murder board.

"Castle, how are you doing? Looks like you get a double to welcome you with." Roy stops by her desk on the way to his office.

"Fine sir, it'll be good to get back into the swing of things." Kate was feeling better about leaving her son behind. Having something to occupy her mind was helping.

"Just make sure you bring him in one day so we can all coo all over him." Roy tells her.

"Yes sir, I'll see what I can do." Kate did like the sound of it. Showing off Castle's son to the precinct did sound like a good idea.

"Where's the other Castle?" Roy asks another question.

"Alexis is watching Alexander, she'll be back on Monday." Kate tells him.

"Good, maybe you can bring him then. There would be 3 Castle's in the precinct. Maybe we can turn him into a homicide detective too." Roy jokes and heads for his office.

Kate watched him go. Roy had always been nice, just why was he so happy now? Still it was good to see.


	2. Chapter 2

**CH2 (23)**

Kate was closing down her computer to get ready to go home. Ryan and Espo were already gone.

Lanie had gotten finger prints off their two vics but quickly found out they weren't in the system. Meaning they had never been arrested or gone through a security check or any number of other things.

Not really a great surprise since a lot of people in the city had probably never had their prints taken.

Kate also had her list of bars in the area. Kate thought she should be surprised at the number of bars even remotely close, but she wasn't. The list only got bigger as she expanded the search area based on did they walk there or drive there?

Did they live near there or did they go there for some reason. Lanie was still working on trying to get an image of the knife used.

Kate parked the charger in the garage. Kate had sold the Mercedes that Castle had left her. She had the precinct car and there was no way she was getting rid of the Ferrari. Kate was actually looking forward to one day driving out to the house in the Hamptons with her son and the top down for the 2 hour drive.

Martha had long ago given her a key and told her it was a much her home as Martha's.

They had finally rented the home in Bel-Air to a family who were warned about letting Meredith inside their home should she be foolish enough to show up.

It was rented and the money was going into Alexis's account since it was her house. Kate was presently in charge of it until Alexis reached the age of 21. Then its maintenance and upkeep would fall to her. Or she could just sell it.

Stanford was a 5 hour drive at best or a 1 hour flight from the house, should Alexis decide to use it for any reason should she decide to go to Stanford.

Having either Stanford or Oxford reject Alexis never occurred to either of them. She was way too smart to not be noticed by either of them.

Kate put her thumb on the plate at the door which unlocked it. After stepping inside and closing the door Kate pressed her finger on the security panel resetting it.

It may seem like an unnecessary precaution but Kate liked the idea of the thumb for the door and a fore finger for the security panel. As the time with Bracken had shown it was necessary. Plus just because Bracken was in prison didn't mean they were safe yet.

Bracken still had contacts and may decide to get even for destroying his plans on being President and end up spending the rest of his life in prison.

Kate pulled out her weapon and stored it in the single weapon gun locker at the front door that could only to opened again using her forefinger. There was also one in the kitchen, master bedroom, nursery and the exercise room down in the garage.

"Hi mom." Alexis calls from the living room.

"Hi pumpkin." Kate calls out and moves over to the sofa where Alexis had Alexander lying on the sofa, playing with him.

"And how is my handsome young man?" Kate coos at him while picking him up and nuzzling her nose to his. "And who is the handsome man of the house? … You are." Kate rubs her nose over his face and lets him try and reach for her hair while smiling at her.

"How's he been? I'm sorry I forgot to text or call." Kate suddenly felt bad about that.

"He's been perfect mom and I fed him about half an hour ago. He even almost took all of it this time." Alexis answers her question.

"And my handsome young man was hungry this time was he?" Kate coos while rubbing her nose over his again, trying to get a hold of her hair. Just can't quite close his hand tight enough to keep a hold of it.

"Katherine, you're home." Martha comes down the stairs and steps up to them both and runs her finger over Alexander's cheek. "He gets bigger and more handsome everyday Katherine."

"Yes he is, he'll be crawling and walking before I even know it." Kate moans. He was a baby and Kate wanted to him to stay that way for a little longer.

"Did you eat lunch mom?" Came the question Kate was dreading.

Kate remained silent. "MOM!?" Alexis moans at her.

"I'm sorry pumpkin but we caught a case. Two actually and it looks like they might be connected." Kate defends herself.

"Not an excuse mom. You know what this means." Alexis reminds her.

Kate rolls her head. "Yes pumpkin I know what it means." Kate moans. Kate could swear, Alexis was worse than Castle ever was.'

It meant there was going to be lunch delivered to her desk until she could prove to Alexis that she was eating lunch without having her buy it for her.

"So tell me about this case." Alexis was dying to hear all about it.

"Let me get washed up first and you can help me start dinner and we can talk." Kate hands over Alexander to Martha who was only too willing to take him and start cooing at him.

Kate started working on dinner using one of her mother's recipes while explaining the case to Alexis and Martha who was still holding Alexander.

"So was their blood red?" Alexis suddenly asks in the middle of Kate's explanation.

"Yes, of course." Kate was dying to hear why that was important.

"Darn, guess that leaves out Vulcan's or Klingon's." Alexis is bummed.

Kate couldn't help it. "Klingon's?"

"Yeah, Vulcan's have green blood and Klingon's have pink blood, which looks a lot like Pepto Bismol actually." Kate watches Alexis make a 'Yucky face.'

"Don't Klingon's have those ridges on their forehead." Kate points out a flaw in her thinking.

"Not in the original series." Alexis counters.

"Only because they didn't have the budget for it and they had red blood then, didn't they?" Kate counters Alexis's wild theory. If it really was one.

"Ok, good point." Alexis concedes defeat.

"Thank you, now as I was saying, before I was interrupted, …." Kate gets on with her briefing of the case.

"So they are both killed the same way and both of them are well dressed, but only one of them was drinking. What was his alcohol level?" Alexis asks.

"Lanie had it at .28." Kate tells her.

"How is he even still conscious?" Alexis questions.

"What makes you think he was conscious when he was killed? And it smells like someone needs a new diaper." Kate suddenly makes a face.

"I can do it Katherine, you two keep working on your case of two dead people." Martha never did see the appeal that these two have or her son have/had for homicides.

"Thanks Martha." Kate watches her take her son upstairs to the nursery. "Conscious?" Kate offers picking up where they left off.

"He would have to be wouldn't he? How else is someone going to shove a blade up into the body bypassing the rib cage to put the blade into their hearts?" Alexis points out.

"Ok, so he is conscious when he is killed, but the other one had no alcohol in his system at all." Kate points out.

"Knife fight, kinda old school. Don't most people use guns now? … Ok, so they get in a fight and the sober one dies first for whatever reason. Then his drunk buddy comes to his defense." Alexis offers.

"OR,

the drunk one starts the fight because he's drunk and barely standing and his sober buddy tries to break up the fight or stop it from happening." Alexis stops Kate from offering her opinion on her first idea.

"Then he kills his drunk buddy since he is a witness even if he is drunk. That explains what happened, just not who my vic's are or where they were killed." Kate points out.

"No but I'm betting you or Lanie will figure out who, as for where. Anyone with that much alcohol in him and can still function enough to start a fight sounds like an alcoholic. Maybe he has a favorite place. Somewhere his rich friends or family wouldn't ever go to so he doesn't get recognized as being a drunk alcoholic." Alexis offers.

Kate was amazed, now she so wanted Alexis back in the precinct again. She sounded so much like Castle. It made her miss him more, but she was proud of Alexis and her theories made her feel better.

Kate steps over to Alexis stopping what Kate was doing for a moment to wrap her arms around her and kiss her head. "Thank you pumpkin, you're the best. I love you."

Alexis hugged her back and held her head against Kate's chest. "I love you too mom, I don't know what I would do without you." Losing her father had broken her heart, having Kate was the only way it was still in one piece.

"You and me both pumpkin. You and me both." The talk about a drunken guy did however bring up someone in Kate's mind.

Kate just didn't know what to do about it. What her father had said the last time they had talked had been extremely painful. Kate had gone through a lot with her father, but what he said that day was, … It was something she had never thought him capable of.

Just how much of being drunk for months on end and almost killing himself with alcohol poisoning done to his personality. Kate had lost her mother and then about a month later her father left her.

Nineteen year old Kate Beckett had been forced to grow up fast and fend for herself. Kate missed her mother and her father of old, just not her new father.

Kate shook her head to clear her thoughts of her father, both the sober one and the drunken one. And turned back to her cooking.

Martha eventually came back down with Alexander and placed him in his carrier while they all ate dinner at the table. Kate wasn't quite done eating when Alexander started putting up a fuss.

"He's probably hungry again, I'll go get a bottle." Alexis started to get up.

"That's ok pumpkin, I can do it. Besides my breasts are hurting since it has been a little while." The buildup of milk in her breasts was becoming painful. Kate either needed to nurse her son or pump. Possibly both.

Kate put him down after burping him and let him rest, then grabbed the pump so she could re-stock the refrigerator for tomorrow.

Going back downstairs Kate found Martha had retired for the evening. Kate knew she would be up early to go check on the construction of her studio and the apartment above it, or deconstruction might be more accurate.

"I put him to bed, though I'm thinking of getting him up before bed tonight. Hopefully at least one of us will get some sleep that way." Kate tells Alexis as she plops down on the sofa next to her.

A long day at work followed by staying up half the night because of her son was draining. How did single parents do it? Kate had Alexis AND Martha and it was still draining.

"Movie?" Alexis offers.

"Sure, I'll even let you choose this time." Too tired for rock, paper, and scissors.

Kate didn't know what Alexis had chosen until the movie started. "The Adventures of Robin Hood with Errol Flynn? … Excellent choice!" Kate loved this movie, it was another classic.

"Who was the guy Robin befriended first?" Alexis suddenly asks before the film gets very far.

"OH, Uhmmm, uhmm, …. " Kate knew but it was on the tip of her tongue and wouldn't come out.

"Tick, tick, tick, tick, … " Alexis decides to have some fun with her mom.

Kate turns to look at Alexis with an evil glare. "There's a time limit now?"

Alexis just shrugs her shoulders. "Tick, tick, tick, …"

"MUCH!" Kate suddenly almost yells out finally finding it in her memory. Watching Alexis glare back at her for spoiling her fun.

"Who arrested him?" Kate counters.

"Easy. Guy of Gisbourne." Alexis answers.

"Eeeerr, wrong. .. SIR Guy of Gisbourne." Kate quickly counters. Then licks her finger and draws a one in the air.

Alexis folds her arms across her chest and huffs. "What was Little John's name?" Alexis counters.

"Alan Hale Sr." Kate answers quickly.

"That's the actor's name, what was Little John's name?" Alexis counters.

Kate scrunches her face. "Little John, …. Little John, …." Kate tilts her head, thinking that might help dislodge the memory.

"Tick, tick, tick, …" Alexis was grinning when Kate turned to look at her with a death glare. Alexis was getting in her mom's head, and it was fun.

"Tick, tick, tick, …." Times up." Alexis announces.

"I don't know." Kate shrinks down into the sofa.

"John Little." Alexis tells her.

"**OF COURSE!"** Kate throws her hands up in the air. As soon as Alexis said it the memory broke free and Kate knew she was right.

Kate however was forced to watch Alexis lick her finger and draw a 1 in the air. Kate was giving Alexis a look of. "The games not over yet!"

"How much money did Gisbourne and the Sheriff lose to Robin and his merry men? Having to report this loss to Prince John?" Kate thought up what she hoped would be a tough one.

"50,000" Alexis answers quickly.

"50,000 what?" Kate counters.

_It's not dollars, not in England. Pounds? Except that was more recent. It was after the Romans so it's not salt or Roman coins or wood markers._

_Not franks, CRAP! Why am I thinking of hot dogs. GOD Alexis, THINK!_

"Tick, tick, tick,…." Alexis glares at her mom. Kate just shrugs her shoulders.

Alexis leaps up off the sofa and goes into her dads study and grabs his old laptop, then returns to sit on the sofa and turn it on.

"HEY, that's cheating!" Kate points out.

"There's nothing in the rules that says I can't use the internet to find the answer. …. And it's not in the fine print either. … I looked." Alexis counters. Knowing full well that she is playing with fire.

"GOLDEN MARKS!? … Seriously! Whoever heard of Golden Marks!" Alexis turns the computer back off and lays it on the coffee table. Then sits back into the sofa and moans.

"I win! Best two out of three." Kate points out. "You know what that means?" Kate glares at her daughter.

"That I can't harass you for not eating lunch for a whole week." Alexis moans and tries to sink further into the sofa. _She had lost! That was bad enough._

"It's ok pumpkin, I promise to try and remember to eat something." Kate wraps an arm around her and holds her close, then kisses the side of her head.

The rest of the movie was watched in silence; at least until the baby monitor told them Alexander was awake. "I'll go; you can clean up our mess, loser." Kate tells Alexis and walks up the stairs to the nursery grinning the entire way.

"There has to be a loophole in this deal somewhere." Alexis mumbles to herself while cleaning up their mess and adjusting the sofa cushions. Then an evil grin comes over her face as she thinks she has found one.

Kate blinks her eyes open. Why am I awake? Then Kate makes out the sound of her son putting up a fuss. He still doesn't cry and Kate can't remember ever hearing him cry.

Kate turns her head 3:17 am getting Kate to moan. Ok maybe she wants him to grow up just a little, enough that he sleeps the night through so she can also sleep the night through.

Kate rolls out of bed and shuffles her feet over to the stairs and looking like a zombie walking, goes up the stairs and into the nursery. Looking down into the crib she can see her son lying on his back still, wiggling all over. His hand flashing across the front of his face seems to be the most interesting thing he has ever seen.

"You think you're pretty cute don't you?" Kate coos at him, then leans down so her eyes are looking into his. Just for a moment Kate can see Rick's eyes staring back at her, allowing her to start to drown in them like she used to.

"So what has you awake my handsome young man?" Kate checks his diaper. "Nope you're clean. You hungry again? Well I think we can fix that, what do you think?" Kate lifts him up and sits in the rocker and slips her night shirt off to one side and guides her son to her nipple.

Alexander knew just what to do with it and was soon feeding. "No wonder you are growing up fast, just don't force me to put you on a diet young man."

Kate soon switches breasts and then holds him up to burp him. Leaving him there so she can hold him and nuzzle him while breathing in his smell. He may be a mini Castle but he didn't smell like Castle.

It was one of the things Kate missed. The loft looked like Castle since Kate hadn't done anything to change it, but the sheets, pillows and even his clothes that were still in the closet no longer smelled like him.

He really was gone and all she had left of him was what she could see and the baby she was holding.

Kate already knew that the pain of missing Castle would never go away, since she still missed her mother after all these years.

The more Kate thought about it she noticed that she hadn't heard Castle's voice since Alexander had been born. The last words from him had been about the elephants. Probably about the tape that was inside it. But how did he know it was hidden inside?

Had he met her mother on the other side? That was how he knew? Kate reminded herself to ask Alexis if she had heard him since that time. They had told each other what Castle had said when he said it, and since Alexis was silent about it, she must not be hearing him either.

"Please be safe Rick. Are you still waiting for me or have you moved on? Or do I even have anything to say in the matter?" Kate whispered out to herself.

Kate blinked back the tears while stroking Alexander and rubbing her nose over him.


	3. Chapter 3

**CH3 (24)**

"Mom." Alexis almost whispered it out.

"Mom." This time Alexis shakes her shoulder a little.

"You need to wake up mom." Alexis shakes her a little harder.

"Alexis?" Kate slurs out, still partly asleep.

"Give me Alex mom." Alexis leans in to take a sleeping Alexander from Kate's chest and arms. "How long have you been here?" Alexis stands there holding Alexander.

Kate rubs her eyes and tries to work on getting her mind to function. "What time is it?"

"A little before 6:00 am." Alexis supplies.

3 hours. She's been sleeping with her son in her arms in a chair for 3 hours. "I should get showered, dressed and into work. I've got two dead rich guys, who got into a knife fight. Except neither of them had a knife." Kate works on standing.

"Not exactly a fair fight." Alexis points out. It got Kate to grin and shake her head.

Kate stepped up to the two of them and stroked Alexander's head and then kissed both of them, and headed for the on-suite downstairs.

There was one thing that didn't change; Kate still used her body wash that left her smelling like cherries.

Kate came out to the kitchen where Alexis was. "Breakfast?" Alexis asks.

"Thanks but no, I'll stop and get something on the way. Have a good day pumpkin. This time I promise to call or text during the day." Kate leans in and kisses her head. "You're the best and I love you."

Kate heads for the front door where she retrieves her weapon and holsters it. "Stay safe mom and I love you too."

"Don't forget to set the security system after I'm gone." Kate reminds her only to get a look of "Seriously?" from Alexis. And a properly chastised Kate starts to close the door.

"COFFEE?" Alexis offers.

"I'll stop and get that too." Kate closes the door and walks for the elevator.

Alexis steps over to the panel in the kitchen and presses her forefinger on the panel activating the alarm system.

Kate parks her Charger in the parking garage and starts walking for the coffee shop just down the street.

Stepping inside she spots Rick sitting in the corner away from everyone with a bottle of water on his table. Kate could feel a smile start to form as she steps up to place her order.

Rick was bent over the table and was concentrating on writing into his notebook when suddenly a small bag lands next to his book and then watches a cup of coffee being placed next to it.

Looking up he sees the lady he saw yesterday standing there with a smile on her face. "Hi." Kate tells him and sits down across from him.

"Hi." Rick answers back.

"It's a bear claw and coffee. Water is good for you but a terrible wake me up drink and a bear claw is mandatory." Kate explains.

"Thanks, … Kate, right." Rick reaches for the bag.

"Right." Kate agrees.

Rick pulls out the bear claw and takes a bite. After swallowing he takes a sip of the coffee. "You remembered." His eyes open wide while looking at Kate.

Kate smiles and looks straight into his bright green eyes. This time she was looking to see if he was wearing contacts. Kate had also noticed that while his clothes were clean and different from last time, they didn't do anything for him. And his beard stubble was a little longer this time. Maybe a little too long now for her taste.

"I'm a detective, it's my job to notice things." Kate points out.

"That's right a homicide detective. How was your case yesterday?" Rick asks her.

"Two dead guys, both stabbed, only a block apart." Kate explains.

"Aliens?" Rick asks taking another sip of his coffee.

"WHAT!?" Kate looks at him surprised almost spitting out her coffee. It was the first thing Alexis had asked her yesterday telling her about the case.

"Alien warriors on opposite sides who brought their own personal little war to our planet." Rick offers.

Kate couldn't help but stare at him with her mouth open wide. _How, who, why? It sounded exactly like some stupid theory Castle would dream up._

"I'll take that as a no." Rick offers taking another sip of this coffee.

Kate snaps out of it. "No, not aliens. Not Vulcan's or Klingon's." Remembering Alexis's wild theory.

"Pity." Rick takes another sip.

Kate needed off this topic since it was just a little too close to the past. "So what are you doing?" Kate points at his notebook. "Is that your illustrating job?" Kate guesses, except it looked like a lot of words.

Rick slams his notebook closed surprising Kate. "No, I have a table at home for that. This is, … this is just something I'm working on. A hobby if you will." Rick deflects as he takes the notebook off the table and places it in his lap under the table.

_What could be in it that would cause that reaction? What didn't he want me to see?_

"Maybe you can bring an example of the work that you do next time." Kate offers. _Wait! Next time? Where did that come from? I don't even know his last name._

"Probably not a good idea, I wouldn't want to damage your husband's fist with my face." Rick points out.

It got Kate to smile. Kate couldn't ever remember anyone putting it that way before. Then Kate dropped the smile just as fast and started spinning the wedding ring on her finger. Kate shook her head. "I'm not married, my husband died in a car accident almost a year ago." It was only a few weeks from now to be precise.

Kate hated talking about it. She had found it hard to talk about her mother after her death, now it was Castle.

Kate had a new grave site to visit. Why was her life filled with loved ones dying and leaving her?

Kate tilted her head, how could he not have heard about Castle dying in a car accident. It was everywhere after it happened. The press hadn't been as bad as she expected but it wasn't invisible either.

"Richard Castle?" Kate questions.

Rick shakes his head. "Sorry, I don't know him. But then there are a lot of people I don't know."

Kate could see the light in his very bright green eyes go out. Something had happened. Something bad by the look of it. He was hurting! Maybe as much as her. Was that what she saw that got her over here?

"And I am sorry to hear it, I'm sure you loved him a lot." Rick thought he could hear it in her voice. Her heart was broken and she was still hurting, even a year later.

Kate's phone starts to vibrate. "Damn!" Kate curses softly and pulls out her phone and sees the caller ID. "Hi Lanie, … I stopped to get coffee. … That machine hates me I know it. … Good I'll be right over."

"A machine hates you? Is it the only machine or are there others?" Rick was suddenly interested.

Kate stared at him, unable to think of a response. Especially one that didn't involve saying something like "Seriously Castle?"

"You know, Ghosts in the Machine." Rick offers liking his idea.

"You mean like the Terminator?" Kate questions. _Why am I encouraging him?_

Rick's face lights up again and his eyes are sparkling and Kate is momentarily lost in them. "Ooooo, I like that one too."

Kate is shocked into silence. _Who, …. who, …. who is this guy?_ Time for a strategic retreat. Kate needed to get away. "I, … I have, … I have to go to work. I have two dead guys and a murderer to find." Kate is in such a hurry she forgets her own coffee and bear claw still in its bag.

Kate is at the front door before turning around and hustling back to get both. "And I expect to see an example of your work next time." Kate tells him grabbing her coffee and bear claw bag and runs for the door and down the road.

Kate stops at the door to the morgue. "Why did I tell him next time?" Kate shakes her head and finds Lanie inside.

"Hi Lanie you said you had something for me." Kate asks as soon as she enters.

"Hi girlfriend." Lanie looks her up and down. There was something wrong, just not sure what. Plus she's holding a take-out cup of coffee and a tiny bag. "So Castle's fancy coffee machine hates you."

"It has it in for me Lanie, I know it does. Every time I use it, it spits hot whatever at me." Kate is convinced it hates her. Her hand probably has 3rd degree burns on it somewhere.

"It's a machine Kate, it's not haunted and it doesn't hate you. … Is that why I see you holding a take-out cup?" Lanie points.

"Yeah, there's this little coffee shop down the street, probably the same one Castle always went to." The cups even look the same.

"So what else is down there?" Lanie is fishing.

Kate's head snaps up. "WHAT! No one's down there." _OH GOD, I just opened my big mouth. I am soooo screwed!_

Lanie was hoping for a nibble but it's looking like she just hooked a Marlin. "What's his name?"

"Honest Lanie there's no one down there of any interest." Kate takes a sip of her coffee, which was actually the first one and suddenly she made a face.

This wasn't what she ordered. _OH GOD! She had picked up HIS cup of coffee by mistake in her rush to escape. … Did Lanie just notice? That was a stupid question._

"Name Kate!" Lanie stands there and crosses her arms. Bulldog Lanie had a bite and wasn't letting go.

"He's just some guy I met at the coffee shop, I actually accidentally knocked his cup out of his hand and dumped it all over the floor so I bought him a new one yesterday. … And today." Kate started to take another sip, and then stopped remembering she had the wrong cup.

"So is he handsome?" Lanie questions.

"I wouldn't know since I wasn't paying any attention." Kate lies through her teeth and knows that Lanie knows she is.

"Uh huh, so what's his name?" Lanie was enjoying this immensely.

"Rick." Kate barely squeaks out ever so softly.

This time Lanie's eyes light up, another Rick? "So what about this Rick is he handsome?"

"Everything." Kate offers, then sighs heavily. "Especially his bright and brilliantly colored green eyes."

NOW Lanie knew she had something to work with. "Brilliantly bright huh."

"They're just like Castle's only green. I thought he was wearing those colored contacts at first but I don't think so. Besides I don't think he could afford them." Kate deflates, Lanie has her teeth in deep and the only thing left to do was give her just enough that she would let go.

"What makes you think he can't afford them?" Lanie was dying to hear this.

"He's thin, maybe a little too thin. His clothes though clean are old and not very stylish, and he said he only had one client, so I don't think he has much money." Kate offers.

"So you've been talking to him." Lanie brightened, watching Kate moan internally under her pressure. "What does he do that he only has one client?"

"He's an illustrator." Kate tells her what she knows.

"You mean like comic books? That doesn't sound so bad, surely it pays better than that." Lanie argues.

"He said he was freelance but looking for a company to work for." Kate explains.

_Ok, so Kate has talked with him more than just a little. This was promising._ Lanie was thinking. "Last name and where does he live?" Maybe Lanie could move this train along with a little pushing.

"I don't know, I've only talked with him for a few minutes yesterday and this morning." Kate defends herself. _Come on Lanie, let go, I've got work to do._

Lanie eyes her up. "Ok Kate, but this is not over. Not by a long shot." Lanie points her finger at Kate.

Kate starts to take a sip of her coffee now that Lanie has removed her teeth from her flesh, when she remembered she still had the wrong cup.

Kate sat both the cup and her bag down and walked for the door. "Where you going Kate?"

"To get some coffee." Kate answers.

"But you just got a cup." Lanie counters.

"It's, … It's cold." And Kate hits the doors and is gone.

Lanie steps over to feel the cup Kate left behind. "Cold huh?" Feeling a nice WARM if not still HOT cup of coffee. Getting Lanie to start smiling.

Kate really did need a cup of coffee and she wasn't touching that Kate eating machine upstairs.

_OH GOD! He's still here._ Kate can see Rick sitting right where she left him, WITH her cup of nice hot coffee sitting on his table.

Kate steps up and places yet another order and waits. While Kate waits she watches him writing in that notebook of his. His head seems to be buried in it in fact.

Kate walks over and drops another small bag next to his book, gaining his attention. "Hi." Kate sits down again across from him.

Rick closes his notebook and moves it to his lap under the table again. "Hi, catch your killer already. You must be very, very good." Rick teases.

Kate can sense the teasing. "I only made it as far as talking to Lanie when I found out I had the wrong coffee." Kate explains.

"So it wasn't my charm or good looks that brought you back." Rick grinned at her.

Kate looks down at the table, mostly because his damn green eyes were wide open again and way to inviting to have her swim in them. "Sorry." Kate looks up again. _Damn, they're still open. And he's flirting with me, I think?_

"And you decided to buy me one too." Rick points out looking into the bag to find still another bear claw.

"Seemed only fair, after all I took yours." Kate explains trying desperately to get out of his eyes.

"That would explain why the taste changed suddenly. … Thanks." Rick takes a sip of the new one just to be sure.

"I should, …" Kate points towards the door, but doesn't move. "I still have a killer to find."

"Maybe he's the alien." Rick offers up.

_OH GOD! Ok, I'm leaving now._ Except Kate still doesn't stand. "I'm Katherine Castle by the way. Though I prefer Kate, only my parents or my mother-in-law calls me Katherine." _Now tell me yours._

"Richard Carlisle, or just Rick." Rick replies.

Getting Kate's heart to do a flip, REALLY! _Get up Kate, get moving, process what you have learned._

"And only your parents ever called you Richard." Kate doesn't get up. _ Why am I still sitting here?_

"I suppose so." Rick whispers out. Then seeing the look on Kate's face. "Long story." Rick offers.

_He doesn't know his parents? Died when he was too young to remember? Might explain his clothes._

"I should, …." Kate points again. "I'm going to go to work now." Kate actually gets up this time. "I'll let you get back to writing in your book." And Kate turns to leave.

"OH!" Kate picks up her coffee and bag with another bear claw in it, and then sips it just to be sure. "Yup, right one this time." Kate smiles embarrassed and turns to leave.

"You might as well take the other one; I'm not going to drink it." Rick points to the cup she left behind earlier.

"OH, right." Kate moves the bag to the hand holding her cup of coffee and picks up the other one, then finally starts walking for the door. "I still expect to see samples of your work next time."

_Was there going to be a next time? Kate decided there was if he was here again in the morning._

Kate finally made it to her desk and sat down with her two cups of coffee and single bag with a bear claw inside. "What the hell am I doing?"

Kate put her elbows on her desk and her head in her hands. _Those eyes, stupid crazy Castle theories and he IS handsome. …. GOD!_

"LANIE!" Kate calls out. _I forgot to find out what Lanie wanted or had on my vics_. Getting Kate to stand and go back down to the morgue.

Hours later Kate and the guys are still working on trying to find out who their vics are. Since they didn't have prints in the system of any ID on them or near them, making Kate glad she was no longer in a uniform. Meaning no more dumpster diving.

"Castle, this was left for you downstairs." And he drops a box filled with Chinese take-out on her desk.

Kate stared at him and watched him leave in the elevator. There was easily enough for 4 in the box. "ALEXIS!" It got Kate to take out her phone.

"_We had a deal and you lost."_ Kate types. Then gets up and knocks on Roy's door. "Lunch at my desk, sir." Then goes back and sits down, finding the guys have already found something they liked inside the box.

Kate is just choosing her selection as Roy walks up and takes what's left. "Thanks Castle, I knew there was a reason why I keep you around." Then smiles and heads back to his office.

"You two noticed Montgomery is a lot more happy lately?" Kate asks the guys.

Espo only just shrugs his shoulders, not wanting to jinx it and spoil a good thing.

"It started just a little after the arrest of the guy who had your mother killed. It was a big arrest. Lots of publicity for the precinct." Ryan offers up.

"Maybe." It was plausible, still Kate wasn't so sure. Then her phone vibrated.

"_The deal was I not harass you about it, nothing about not just sending you lunch. You're welcome. Luv u."_

"_Sneaky! And thanks. Luv u 2."_ Kate types back.

Kate's phone almost immediately vibrated. _"Alex says hi too, I think. Since he just hurled all over the front of my shirt."_

It got Kate to burst out laughing.


	4. Chapter 4

**CH4 (25)**

Kate opened the front door and reset the alarm and the stowed her gun in the safe at the front door.

"Hi mom." Alexis calls from the kitchen.

"Hi pumpkin, starting dinner without me?" Kate notices Alexis was working on the preliminary parts of dinner.

"You're late so I thought I would get a head start." Alexis confirms.

"Let me go wash and I'll help you. Where's Alexander?" Kate asks over her shoulder as she heads for the on-suite.

"In his crib asleep, he's likely to wake up soon." Alexis cautions.

"And Martha?" Kate stops at the door to the bedroom.

"Grams should be on her way here. Her contractor stopped working for the day about an hour ago." Alexis explains.

Kate makes it into the bathroom now knowing her entire family would be home for dinner. Well most of it. Kate still didn't know what to do with her father. She hadn't tried to reach out and he hadn't either.

Kate grabbed the towel and looked at herself in the mirror. "Maybe I should at least drop off a picture or two. He hasn't even seen his grandson yet." Kate hung the towel back up and placed her hands on the counter and looked into the mirror. "Why dad? …. Why?"

Kate shook her head, time to get her mind back into the family that she did have and was right here.

They were just putting it into the oven when Martha came in through the front door and even pressed the panel to reset the alarm after closing the door.

"Hi Martha, you're timing is almost perfect. Dinner will be ready soon." Kate calls out.

"Katherine dear, glad to see you home. Where is our handsome man of the house?" Martha didn't see him.

"I was just getting ready to go up and check on him. If he's awake I'll bring him down." Kate heads for the stairs.

"Take your time dear, I'm going to have a glass of wine. I feel the need for one." Martha pulls a glass out of the cabinet and searches for a bottle of wine.

"Something happen Grams?" Alexis asks sitting at the breakfast bar.

"My contractor delivered the news that my water piping is galvanized and filled with, I don't know what and needs to be replaced. He wants to put in something called Flex or Pex, something." Martha waves her hand in the air.

Alexis had learned it was code for she didn't know.

"Maybe Kate can look it up on the internet for you grams." Alexis offers.

"Oh no dear, she's already busy. Working, raising a son, it'll be fine dear. There is no need to bother her." Martha doesn't want to burden Katherine.

Kate came downstairs with a wide awake Alexander and sat down next to Alexis with him in her arms.

"He's still the most handsome baby I've ever seen Katherine." Martha takes a peek and runs a finger across his cheek.

"I just wish his father at least got to see him." Kate comments out of the blue. It was sudden for them maybe, but Kate had been thinking of Castle all day. Rick in the coffee shop wasn't helping.

"I'm sure he is dear, I have no doubt that he is." Martha counters.

"Grams needs help mom." Alexis rats out Martha.

Martha turns on Alexis. "Alexis!"

"Help with what Martha?" Kate lifts her head off her son to look at Martha.

"It's nothing dear, nothing really." Martha waves away the topic.

"Her contractor says she has bad piping and wants to replace it with something she doesn't understand." Alexis doesn't let it go.

"Go get the laptop pumpkin and lets look it up." Kate offers. And Alexis hops off her stool and heads for the study and is soon back with her dad's old laptop.

Alexis places it on the counter and turns it on. "We should probably replace this thing with something newer soon." Kate mentions.

"You want to get rid of it?" Alexis was hurt, this was her dad's computer. He typed a lot of his books on this computer.

"Oh no, of course not. I'm just thinking we might need something with more power someday. Better prepared than to come up wanting." Kate tells her.

"We can look for that after grams pipe." Alexis offers.

"So what was this pipe Martha?" Kate asks, even though Alexis is using the laptop since Kate's hands are full.

"Flex or Pex, something like that." Martha finally relents.

"There is PEX piping." Alexis offers.

**Cross-linked polyethylene**

**Made from ****high density polyethylene**** (HDPE). PEX contains cross-linked bonds in the ****polymer**** structure, changing the ****thermoplastic**** to a ****thermoset****.**

**Pros:**

**Flexibility, Direct routing of pipes, Greater water pressure at fixtures, Lower materials cost, Easier installation, Reliable, No fire risk during installation, Acceptance by plumbers, Ability to merge new PEX with existing copper and PVC systems, Longevity (25 year warranty), Suitable for hot and cold pipes, Less likely to burst from freezing, No corrosion, Environmental benefits, Pipe insulation possible.**

**Cons:**

**Degradation from sunlight, Perforation by insects, Problems with yellow brass fittings (Lawsuits), Initial adjustment to a new plumbing system, Can't use adhesives for pipe insulation, Fittings somewhat more expensive, Potential problems for PEX radiant heating with iron-based components, Possible health effects (An ****environmental impact report**** and subsequent studies determined there were no causes for concerns about public health from use of PEX piping).**

"Sunlight shouldn't be a problem, insects shouldn't be a problem so long as you have the place sprayed, avoid yellow brass fittings, who cares about adhesives?, price, you're not using it for radiant heating and not real health problems." Kate goes through the Cons. "Sounds good to me Martha." Kate puts in her 2 cents.

"Me too grams, looks good to me." Alexis adds her 2 cents.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about Martha, let your contractor do his job." Kate offers.

"Thank you Katherine." Martha suddenly felt better about it.

"Laptop." Alexis speaks up and does a new search.

Apple MacBook Pro MGXC2LL/A 15.4-Inch Laptop with Retina Display ($2,499.00) plus $33 for 2 day delivery.

The rest of the evening was spent spending time with Alexander and trying to get him to smile, giggle and blow bubbles. Along with nurse him, pump for tomorrow and change his stinky diaper.

Alexis came downstairs in the morning and found Kate sleeping on the sofa with Alexander sleeping on her chest while Kate had a hand holding him in place.

Alexis left them and started breakfast and then started the coffee machine.

"Morning pumpkin." A still partly asleep Kate with Alexander in her arms plops down on one of the bar stools.

"Hi mom, here you go." Alexis places a cup of coffee in front of her.

"Bless you!" Kate picks it up and sips since it's still pretty hot.

"You ready for tomorrow?" Kate asks Alexis since she is scheduled to work with Lanie starting tomorrow for the summer.

Kate was going to have to start relying on Martha and a babysitter/daycare for the rest of the summer and likely beyond.

"I'll be good to work with Lanie again. Maybe we'll get something interesting." Alexis had started to learn to like the weird ones like her mother.

"Careful what you wish for pumpkin." Kate cautions her, this was New York after all.

Alexis with Alexander in her arms met Kate at the front door. "Bye pumpkin, and you be a good boy my young handsome man." Kate kisses Alexander.

Alexis resets the alarm after Kate closes the door.

Kate parks her Charger in the garage and starts walking down the street to the coffee shop. Except this time it's different. There are butterflies in her stomach and she's nervous, and finds that she really wants Rick to be there.

Stepping inside Kate looks around and doesn't see him. "It had to happen sooner or later." Kate talks to herself. Now depressed she steps up and places her order and only hers.

After getting it Kate decides to go sit down and sip her coffee and wait a little.

Kate has finished her coffee and finished her bear claw when she decides she has waited long enough and throws her trash away and heads for the door.

Kate opens the door and starts to step outside when right in front of her Rick suddenly shows up huffing and puffing a little. He's only inches away and Kate ends up looking directly into those brilliant and bright green eyes.

Kate finds herself swimming in them almost instantly and only absently notices that he is breathing heavy, straight into her lips since she has boots on with 4" heels and his head is looking down into her eyes.

"Hi." Kate breathes out still lost in his eyes not knowing how to get out of them.

"Hi, … I thought I might miss you this morning." Rick admits.

Kate finally manages to break away, problem is she only made it as far as his lips. "Almost." Kate looks back up. "Samples?" Kate asks. Desperately trying not to go swimming in those eyes again.

Rick makes a face of apology. "Sorry, I was in a hurry." Rick knew she wanted to see them and he was willing to show them to her.

"Take me there and show me then." Kate offers.

"Take you? … Like take you to where I live?" Rick swallows.

"That's where your work is, so show me." Kate tells him, trying very hard not to look into his eyes again. Kate knew if she did, she would likely drown and couldn't afford to look at his lips again.

"You're sure about this?" Because Rick wasn't.

"I'm a homicide detective and I have a gun, so I'm pretty sure it's safe." Kate smiles at him. Kate however can sense he is uncomfortable with this. "We're just going to look at your work and then leave." Kate tells him, hoping to calm him and remind her.

"Uhm, …." Kate could see he wasn't comfortable with this for some reason.

"Rick, it's fine. … Honest." Kate wanted to see and he needed to trust her enough to take her there. Plus she was convinced he didn't have much money so it wasn't going to be the loft or likely even close. Kate was willing to make allowances.

Rick however looks around, anywhere but at Kate, then lets out a heavy sigh. "Sure." Rick figures he might as well take her and get it over with. His bubble was going to burst someday anyway, might as well be today.

Rick backs away. "WAIT!" Kate goes back inside and orders coffee and a bear claw.

"Here, my small thanks." Kate hands it to him.

Rick takes it. His last free cup of coffee, might as well take it. And Rick starts walking.

Kate follows Rick off to one side watching him while watching where she is going.

_He's scared, but he's not scared of me. …. scared of what I will think of his work? Or scared of where he lives?_

Rick turns a corner and then jaywalks across the street and heads for an alley. About halfway down the alley he turns into an enlarged alley area and walks over to an old metal door and starts pulling. It only gives with difficulty.

After it is open enough to slip through Rick goes in sideways first with Kate following.

Kate steps in past him and starts looking around while listening to Rick struggle to re-close the door.

It looked like it used to be a factory of some kind. It was big, it was open, and there were huge windows on the wall on the far side. Most of them were broken. Exposed steel beams, exposed steel posts, and exposed roof drain piping.

It looked like certain sections of the roof leaked, since there was a small amount of standing water in a few places.

There was dust everywhere, broken and discarded shelving and other things. To her right looked to be an office area with a mezzanine above it with a staircase leading up at the far end.

_He lives here!? No wonder he's scared!_

Kate had been in worse buildings, but no one lived in them.

"This way." Rick tells her and walks for the stairs at the far end, with his head hanging low.

Kate follows Rick up the stairs with her head on a swivel taking it all in.

Up here Kate found she was walking on plywood that was lying on ceiling joists of the office area below. Kate could also see two large elevated desks with chairs and lots and lots of smaller tables and shelving that held all his tools for his illustrating work.

She could also see all his clothes hanging on hangers everywhere. There were also 2 ratty looking sofas, one only marginally better than the other.

"You live here?" Kate hated the place, how did he live here? Kate didn't hear an answer so she turned to look at him. Seeing that he was staring at the floor.

_This is definitely why he was scared to bring me here._

Kate started to walk over to the desks that looked like it had his work on it. Except her foot missed the plywood and she started to fall onto the ceiling joists of the office area below.

Rick however was fast and caught her and soon had his arms around Kate holding her in place. Kate in turn had grabbed a hold of Rick to keep from falling.

They soon found both of them facing each other holding onto each other. Kate was instantly drowning in his eyes and while Kate couldn't see it, Rick was drowning in hers.

Kate could soon feel his breath on her lips as his got closer and closer. Plus Kate could feel her heart pounding in her chest. The eyes weren't blue but everything else felt like Castle. Except he was thinner and didn't feel as strong as Castle was.

_This has to stop, this has to stop! Kate's mind was screaming at her._

Kate finally managed to close her eyes and turn her head away and back up with her hands on his chest.

"Samples." Kate whispers out.

Rick backs off and helps Kate step over to the first desk.

Kate picks up what's on top and looks at it and the panels under. "This is nice, really nice. You have a talent." Kate really was impressed. He really was good at what he did.

"How do you do this? I mean how much of this is you?" Kate picks up other panels getting deeper into the panels lying on the desk.

"The client provides the story and the idea of what he wants to see and I just draw it out." Rick tries to explain.

"What's on this one?" Kate starts to move over to the other desk, watching where she steps.

What was on this desk was different. The other desk had color panels, this one had black and white and looked more like a story board. Panel after panel.

"This is really, really nice Rick. You're talented!" Kate turns to look at him.

"Thanks." Rick responds. However Kate thought he looked embarrassed. _He's not used to being complimented. Why?_

Kate turns the light that was over the desk on and then back off. He had electricity. "You live here?" Kate looks around.

Rick just shrugs his shoulders. "Where do you sleep? Take a shower? Where's your food?" Kate starts firing off questions.

Rick waves at one of the sofa's. "There is a shower and a mini kitchen downstairs. I cleaned the refrigerator I found there and it still works. I found a microwave that still worked. The bathroom was a little gross and I cleaned it some too. Then I built shelving out of spare wood to put canned food and other things on." Rick shrugs his shoulders again.

"You own this place?" Kate asks, only to see Rick shake his head.

_He's squatting on the site. Not paying for electricity or water. Probably can't afford it._

"Why are you here Rick?" What got him here? He was too thin, so he's not eating enough. How long has he lived here? So many questions. _And why does he remind me so much of Castle?_

Rick however shakes his head, not willing to talk.

Kate walks up and places her hands on his chest and this time looks into his eyes on purpose. "Please Rick, talk to me." _Too many secrets with Castle. I waited too long with him and now he's gone and all I have left of him is our son and his mother and daughter. I'm NOT going down that road again._

"Please Rick, talk to me." Kate really wanted to know. "Maybe I can help you, if you'll let me. Please let me help you." _Not sure I should be doing this but it feels right. I'm not repeating my old mistakes. I spent too long pushing Castle away instead of talking to him. Not again._

Kate watched Rick move over and drop onto one of the sofa's, place his elbows on his knees then place his face in his hands.

Kate moved over and swiped at the space next to him getting the dust to fly. Kate decided it was never going to get clean, so she just sat down next to him. Then grabbed a hold of his arm with both of her hands.

Rick took his face out of his hands and looked at her. _He looks sad and scared, really, really scared._

Kate squeezed his arm to try and tell him to start talking.

"I only know my name because the people in the hospital told me." Rick starts watching Kate's mouth fall open.

"I was told that about a year ago I was involved in a car accident. They told me I was alone in the back of the taxi. Some drunk driver ran a red light and t-boned me on the passenger side. The air bags failed to deploy. It killed the taxi driver" Rick pauses trying to get his words right.

"I was rushed into emergency surgery but I had already flat lined in the ambulance twice." Rick pauses again.

_My god, no wonder he won't talk. WAIT, Castle died in a taxi as well as Gina and the taxi driver._

"I then flat lined in the operating room and after countless tries they stopped trying and pronounced me dead. They started disconnecting me and stopped trying to fix the damage. They had even started to fill out the paperwork with the time and date. Then just as they start to wheel me out countless minutes later I started breathing again." Rick pauses again.

_My god, he died! They had called it and decided he was dead. Brain damage? No oxygen for who knows how long._

"They called everyone back in and finished operating on my injuries. After that they put me into a coma to help me heal. Problem was, when they tried to get me to come out of the coma, I didn't." Rick pauses again.

"When was this? The date of your accident?" Kate asks and sucks in her breath after he tells her.

_That's the same day Castle stopped talking to them! The very same day! Was it at the same time?_

Kate squeezed his arm to get him to continue. "Eventually I did wake up but it was months later, and I didn't remember anything that had happened. I couldn't remember my own name or anyone else's either.

They gave me some physical therapy so I could walk again. They tried to do a background check and gave me a very short history of who I was.

I was an ok guy mostly. Nothing special. Not married, no kids, no parents, no aunts or uncles and only a few cousins that didn't even live in the States. I've have still never talked to them.

Apparently I was some kind of math professor at a college, I was in New York on a vacation. I never did getting around to calling where I used to work. Not that I remembered anyone there to call, and they didn't have a number.

While I was in a coma a tornado blew through my area and turned my home into kindling. All that was left was the foundation it was sitting on." Rick stops.

_My god, he has no one and nothing. No wonder he lives here._

"What about insurance? A tornado destroyed it." Kate asks. They had to pay him for its loss, right? Rick only shakes his head.

"So you're a math whiz, why not do that instead of this?" Kate didn't understand.

Rick however shakes his head. "Not anymore, just one of the many things I lost. I found out I could do this only by accident." Rick sweeps his hands to the desks with his work on them.

"So you had a name and a location, but why, …. here?" Kate swept her arms.

"The hospital lost all the ID I had on me. They told me my name and that's all I have, I'm not even sure any of the rest of it is real. I don't remember any of it. I don't remember anyone, but I remember most things and places, just not all of it or who was or still is at them." Rick stops and gets up and starts walking for the stairs.

Kate got up and followed him all the way to the door they came in. Kate watches Rick put his shoulder into the door and push it open as far as it went last time.

"You should go, you have criminals to catch." Rick tells her.

Kate looked at her watch, she really was late. The guys are probably wondering where she is. Probably lucky they haven't tried calling her already.

"Do you have a phone?" Kate asks him.

"I have a pay as you go phone." Rick tells her.

Ok, so she can't call him or expect him to call her. "You should go Kate." Rick tries again.

Kate was conflicted, she had learned so much, but needed time to process it all. Kate decided to lift up on her toes and kiss his cheek dangerously close to his mouth and then squeezed out through the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning." Kate tells him through the crack she had just squeezed through.

"Bye Kate." And Rick works at pulling the door closed.

_He's not going to be there tomorrow or ever again, is he? SHIT, now what do I do?_

Kate lifted her hand so she could start knocking on the door. "He's not going to open it. Now what do I do? I pushed Castle away, then almost waited too long and look what it got me." Kate leans her forehead up against the door. "I need to know what to do Castle. PLEASE, a little help here. … PLEASE!" And then the tears started in earnest.


	5. Chapter 5

**CH5 (26)**

It had always worked before. Kate and Alexis had worked out how to get Castle to say something to them, and Kate had just used it and gotten nothing.

Kate knew she hadn't heard from Castle in some time, but she hadn't really, really tried to get him to say something. Just when she needed him to say something, he remains silent.

Kate spun in place and put her back up against the door and wiped away her tears using both hands.

She doesn't love Rick but there was something so familiar about him, and he was hurting. He was clearly scared of what Kate would think of him and she did like him.

Now what?

Kate pulled out her phone and scrolled down the list till she got the name she wanted and then pressed send. Wiping away more tears before the call was answered.

"Hi mom." Alexis greets her.

"Hi pumpkin, I have a question and I need you to think about it carefully. … When was the last time you heard your father say anything?" Kate really needed an answer.

"What's wrong mom?" Alexis could hear it in her voice.

"Please pumpkin, just answer the question." Kate tried to keep the tears out of her voice and make her voice sound normal, but she failed. It didn't help that she was having trouble breathing and could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

"Answer my question first mom, are you alright?" Alexis couldn't keep the worry out of her voice, but then she didn't try either.

Kate bent her head down low till her chin was practically in her chest. "No." Kate whispered out.

"Where are you? I'm coming to get you." Alexis flew up the stairs to grab her bag, and then over to Martha's room to get her to watch Alexander.

"Please mom, tell me where you are." Alexis pleads, then covers the phone with her hand.

"Grams I need you to watch Alexander, it's an emergency." Alexis is standing in the doorway.

"Of course dear, what's the emergency?" Martha responds.

"Thanks grams." And Alexis flies down the stairs. "Mom, tell me where you are." Alexis opens the front door and sets the alarm for the delay so it will turn itself on after she closes the door.

"Near the coffee shop close to the precinct." Kate didn't really know just where exactly she was.

"Don't move, I'll be right there." Alexis hung up on her and stepped out the door of the building and got the doorman to get her a taxi.

While in the taxi Alexis called Espo to tell him that Kate was not going to be in until somewhere near lunch. Alexis didn't know what she was going to find and could only hope Kate was able to be in by lunch.

Alexis paid the cab driver and stood outside the coffee shop and then went inside and looked around. Not seeing Kate she went back outside and looked around.

Kate didn't know what to do, would he open the door if she knocked? He brought her to this door to get and out. There were likely other entrances but he was using this one so she slid down the door to sit on the ground with her back against the door.

If he tried to leave, she would be here to catch him. Just didn't know what she would say if he did.

_Those eyes! The crazy theories just like Castle! He had actually flirted a little with her so he was interested!_

_But they hadn't actually dated. I know a lot about him now and he's hurting._

Kate decided to take a risk and decided she would knock until he opened the door, even if it was just to get her to stop. Then her phone vibrated.

"Hi pumpkin." Kate saw who was calling.

"Tell me where you are mom. Where do I go from the coffee shop?" Alexis was walking up and down the sidewalk.

_Oh god, shes here! Still she had called her and probably sounded like crap. She won't go home even if I ordered her to._

"Go left out of the coffee shop, and then turn left at the third street down." Kate paused.

Alexis took off running. Making it to the corner she started looking around frantic to see her mother. "Now where?"

"Turn left and then walk across the street to the other side. You'll see an alley just ahead to your right." Kate tells her.

Alexis takes off jogging down the street after turning left and then looks both ways before running across the street, the jogs down the street till she sees an alley. Turning right Alexis starts walking fast down the alley.

"MOM!" Alexis spots her sitting on the ground with her back up against a door. Alexis runs till she is on her knees in front of her mom and then leans in to hug her.

Alexis wasn't scared for her anymore but was still worried. "What's going on mom?" Alexis pulls back without actually letting go of her totally. "MOM?" Alexis searches Kate's eyes.

Alexis could tell she has been crying, but about what?

Kate spent the next 30 minutes explaining everything she knew about Rick, including his memory loss.

"He reminds you of dad." Alexis thought she had it right.

Kate nods her head. "I know he doesn't look like Castle, not all that close even. Well except for the eyes maybe."

"Except you still see bits of dad in him. …. That's why you wanted to know when the last time I heard dad." Alexis thinks she's got it.

Kate nods her head. "I know he's gone pumpkin, and I know I want him back, so very badly. It's just I didn't think it was Castle's voice I was hearing when it first started.

And as weird as it sounds, Castle said he would love me forever, always. That he loved me and that he was going to prove it to me no matter how long it took him." Kate explains.

"This Rick died the same day dad stopped talking, you say he reminds you of dad. Kind of a big stretch mom, not that I'm saying you're wrong." Alexis wasn't sure but willing to consider it. After all she hadn't met this Rick yet.

"I know pumpkin, it's just that I spent too much time pushing Castle away because I was afraid. Afraid of what he could do to my heart. Afraid that if I let him in and let us become something more than friends, I might lose him.

Lanie tried to get me to see, I think the guys even tried. Pretty sure even Captain Montgomery tried to get me to see. I was just too stubborn and stupid. I waited too long and now I'm married to someone who isn't here anymore.

So many what if's pumpkin, far too many." Kate explains, not sure she had ever shown Alexis this much of her heart or why she did what she did.

"Dad was waiting mom, not that he wasn't hurting every time you shut him down and pushed him away. But he never gave up on you.

I never did understand why at the time. Sorry mom, but I actually was starting to hate you for the pain dad was going through because I know he was falling in love with you. I understand now what he saw, but I didn't then." Alexis confided ashamed now of what she thought then.

Kate per her arm around her as they both sat side by side on the ground with their backs up against the door. "It's alright pumpkin, I had it coming to me. I was such a fool." Kate knew she had screwed up.

"Now the roles are reversed mom. Rick is pushing, do you care enough to not give up? Become dad to his Kate Beckett?" Alexis asks.

"I pushed your father away pumpkin and look what it got me." Kate comments starting to understand what leys before her.

"You have his son mom." Alexis points out.

"Yes, and I have a hole in my heart that I can't fix. And I'm tired of pushing people away, it's already cost me a lot." Kate worries it has been far too much.

"So where is this Rick now?" Alexis asks. Watching Kate flick her head at the door and sees her eyes look that way.

Alexis's mouth falls open. "He lives, … here?" Alexis points behind her. Watching Kate nod her head.

Alexis got up and searched for something heavy which wasn't too hard to find since there were broken bricks all around. Alexis stepped over and picked one up and stepped over to the door and then hit it with the brick.

Kate hoped up to her feet. "What are you doing?"

"Getting his attention." Alexis started pounding on the door with her brick.

It took a fair amount of pounding and Alexis had switched hands and was now down to using both hands when the door finally started to open.

Alexis noticed that it took effort to open the door and that he had given up trying to open it further.

Alexis looked up and noticed his eyes first. Big, bright and green. A brilliant green like her father's blue, but that was the only part of him that looked like her dad. "Hi."

He looked confused, he obviously wasn't expecting her. However it soon turned into shock or something more. He reached a hand out and only a single finger lightly brushed along Alexis's hair.

Rick pulled his hand back. "Can I help you?" And just like that the light Alexis thought she saw in his eyes, a kind of recognition if you will, went out.

Alexis smiled, maybe mom was right, but they were going to need time. "We want to talk to you." Alexis responds smiling back.

"We?" Rick asks.

Kate steps in behind Alexis. "Hi Rick."

"Kate, what are you doing here?" Rick was sure she had left and not come back. He was broken and all messed up.

Kate lightly pushed Alexis in through the now open door, watching Rick step back and squeezed in through the door right behind her daughter.

"This way." Kate offers to Alexis. "Close the door Rick." As Kate walks for the stairs with Alexis in tow.

"Watch your step." Kate tells Alexis. Then guides her over to the desks that had his work on them.

Kate shows Alexis what is on the first table and watches her look with awed interest in what she sees, noticing that she is silent.

Then guides her over to the other desk and watches her lift each piece getting deeper into the pile on the desk.

"He's talented. …. He's really good mom." Alexis holds several in each hand.

"MOM?" Getting both Kate and Alexis to turn and look at Rick who had just made it to the top of the stairs.

Kate smiled while Alexis put the drawings back down on the desk. "This is my daughter, Alexis Castle." Kate explains. "Alexis, this is Richard Carlisle."

Alexis quickly looks at Kate. 'You left out his last name in your explanation.' Written on her face and in her eyes. Getting a 'Sorry" in return.

"What are you doing here Kate?" _What does she want? She can't help me, no one can help me._

Kate and even Alexis can see the pain in his eyes. He's broken and lost. His memory loss has hurt him.

Kate leaves Alexis behind and steps up to Rick and purposely takes each of his hands in hers looking into his eyes, that presently look dull and lost. "I'm, … we're here to help you pack. You're moving out of here. Not sure just where yet, but we'll find somewhere. I'm not leaving you here, this isn't living Rick."

Kate turns to look at Alexis to see if she agrees. What she sees is Alexis smiling and then watches Alexis pull out her cell phone and scroll until she gets who she wants, and then holds the phone to her ear.

"Hi Steve, it's Alexis, …. I'm doing fine, thanks. … Yes mom is doing great. … I need you to send me a contact for a real estate agent. We need to find an apartment. One bedroom if possible, studio if we have to. It needs to be close to home. Within walking distance hopefully. …. No its not for that. …. Thanks Steve." Alexis hangs up the phone and stares at her phone, waiting.

It only took a few short minutes, and Alexis used the contact to call immediately.

"Kate?" Rick didn't understand.

Kate turned back to Rick and looked into his eyes. "I intend to help you Rick." Kate keeps a hold of his hands and steps in closer. "All you have to do is let me. I'm not leaving you here." Kate pleads with her eyes.

Rick however shakes his head. "Kate I can't even begin to afford to live somewhere else." He only went to the coffee shop a few days a week, and even that was a luxury.

"But I can, and before you object, you're going to be paying me back by working it off." Kate had no idea yet what, but she would think of something. If it was her she would object to a hand out too.

"Mom, where are we?" Alexis calls out.

Kate turns to look at her who looked to be still on the phone, then back to Rick. 'Answer the question' written on her face. "Please?" Kate adds.

Rick shakes his head thinking this was a bad idea, however he tells them the cross streets. It was all he knew.

Alexis hung up the phone. "The movers will be here in an hour to box everything up, however they don't have a truck to put it into until tomorrow and the real estate agent is expecting us at his office in 3 hours. He promises to have something for us to see by then." Alexis informs them, looking serious.

"I guess we wait." Kate offers.

"Is this all of it?" Alexis asks sweeping her arms.

"There's more downstairs somewhere below us." Kate tells her.

"I'm going to go look, I'll meet you at the door in about 30 minutes." Alexis tells them and heads downstairs, carefully. The floor looked dangerous.

Downstairs Alexis was surprised at what she found. Parts of it were damaged and very dusty and dirty. The bathroom however looked like someone had used some serious elbow grease; it was still a little dirty looking however.

One of the rooms had partly been cleaned and turned into a pantry area, just off of it she found a mini kitchenette area.

The refrigerator inside was spotless, not so much the outside. There was some frozen items and only a few items in the refrigerator. "He's not starving himself to death, but it's not very healthy looking." Alexis talks to herself.

Alexis stepped over to the tiny sized microwave and pushed the button to open it, finding it clean inside. The outside, not so much.

It was an interesting space. It was dirty and filthy and yet parts of it were scrubbed clean. "It's just like dad, clean what he had to and live with the rest of it until he got to it soon, or hired someone to come in and clean it." Except he didn't have the money, and probably not the money to buy the necessary cleaning supplies.

He does have a lot of pens, ink and pastels. A lot more than he could ever need. Another trait of her dad.

Alexis knew she needed to spend more time with him, but her mom obviously liked him.

"Is this why you stopped talking to us dad?" Alexis asks the ceiling and starts walking for the door she came in through.

"Kate?" Rick starts while Kate still had both of his hands in hers. Kate however lets go with one hand and places a finger on his lips, silencing him.

"I'm doing this Rick and you're just going to have to come along for the ride. … You've become a friend and I'm not leaving you to live like this. Not when I have the means to fix it." Kate takes her hand away and removes the other one from his hand.

"How long have you lived here anyway?" Kate was curious.

"Not long, couple of month's maybe." Rick responds. "Kate, why? I'm just a guy you met in a coffee shop. You shouldn't be spending money on me. Spend it on your daughter."

"Money isn't the issue. Rick, look at me." Kate lifts a hand to his chin and turns his head so she can look into his eyes. "Look at me, what do you see? … And I don't mean you see a kind, thoughtful helping woman who is too lovely for me to be involved with. … Tell me what you see when you look at me."

Rick actually did open his mouth for a moment like he was going to say something, but just closed it instead.

"You saw something when you looked at Alexis too." Kate shifted her head lower so she could look into his eyes again, since he was looking down now even though Kate still had his chin in her hand.

"Rick, when you can tell me what you see or saw, that's when I'll answer your question. Until then, I'm moving you out of here, take you shopping for some clothes and fill your kitchen with food to cook with.

You do know how to cook?" Kate took her hand away.

"Sounds like we're going to find out." Rick looked at Kate again.

Kate smiled. "Yes we are, get some meat on those bones. Stick you in a gym and build up some muscle mass. I'll get you a key; I have an exercise room down in the underground garage. I just have to get you to use it." Kate lets him on some of her plans.

It got Rick to smile while looking into her eyes. Kate was pretty sure he was swimming in them. "Come on we need to meet Alexis at the door and go wait for the movers. You are out of here tomorrow." Kate stands and offers him one of her hands.


	6. Chapter 6

**CH6 (27)**

The moving company showed up in a van filled with flattened boxes and several rolls of tape. There were only 2 guys but with Kate and Alexis's help they had Rick all boxed up in about an hour.

The 2 guys confirmed a time for tomorrow to bring the truck to load the boxes into and take them to the new apartment.

After they were gone. "Alexis and I are going to go into work for a couple of hours, but we'll be back and then drive to the real estate agent and start looking at apartments." Kate informs Rick and Alexis.

Kate steps up close to Rick. "We'll be back to knock on your door in a couple of hours. Do not run away." Kate pokes Rick in the chest for each word. "I'm a homicide detective with police resources, I'll just hunt you down if you do." Kate was smiling at him.

"I still don't understand, but I'll be here." Rick gave Kate a weak smile back.

"See that you are." And Kate with Alexis walked off for the precinct.

While they are walking. "Not that this isn't a good idea, but are you sure about this mom?" They hadn't even gone out on any dates yet. Kate only knew him from a couple of few short meetings in a coffee shop.

Kate could only smile and chuckle a little. "If I left Castle out of the equation, probably not. … Do I think he's in there somewhere? …. I honestly don't know, but then I was convinced Castle was gone, gone. Then he starts talking to me, … us.

Am I grasping at the first man I meet that reminds me of Castle? Possibly. … I just know that I pushed your father away because I was scared. This scares me too, but if Castle IS in there, I'm not pushing him away." Kate confirms, not just to Alexis but to herself.

"And if dad isn't in there somewhere?" Alexis had to play devil's advocate.

Kate stops and takes a hold of Alexis. "I don't know pumpkin. I know I'm still in love with Castle, and that I miss him. … Am I in love with Rick? No, and I don't know if I ever will be. … Am I doing a disservice to both of us by seeing Castle in Rick, only to find out Castle isn't in there and I can't love Rick because of that? Or resent him because he isn't Castle?

I wish I had answers pumpkin, I really do. Am I only doing this BECAUSE I see Castle inside Rick, or is it because I WANT to see Castle so I can get at least a small piece of him back?" Kate tears were back causing Kate to wipe them away. Her heart wanted Castle so badly.

"One day at a time mom, take it one step at a time." Alexis hugs Kate back. Problem was Alexis wanted it to be her father too; her heart was just as broken as Kate's.

120 Thompson St APT 25, New York, NY 10012 (#3 on the list) $2,500 Mo.

188 6th Ave APT 2RN, New York, NY 10013 (new top of the list since it has a washer/dryer combo) $2,550 Mo.

30 Charlton St APT 3A, New York, NY 10014 (off the list) $2,500 Mo.

105 Thompson St APT 12, New York, NY 10012 (#2 on the list) $2,800 Mo.

Kate had tried to get him into something bigger, but Rick wouldn't let her spend the money. In the end Kate let him have his way since they still needed to furnish it. Which meant more shopping tonight and try and get it delivered tomorrow.

What sold it for all three was the built-in washer/dryer combo unit that was in the kitchen. A second floor walk-up wasn't so bad. And while it wasn't exactly around the corner from the loft, it was close enough to walk it.

Kate drove Rick back to his old place and walked him to the door while Alexis waited in the car, behind locked doors.

Kate stepped in close and placed her hands on his chest. "We'll be back in a few hours to take you out furniture shopping. Bed, sofa, TV, bistro table in the kitchen to give you some place to eat. Maybe an end table, lighting, towels, sheets, pillows." Kate shakes her head. He needed kitchen stuff too. "I'll get Alexis started on a list. Just be here when we get back Rick, please." Kate looked up into his eyes.

They were still green, just not brilliantly so. _He's still scared._

"We'll be back in a bit." And Kate starts to walk away. _Oh the hell with it!_

Kate turns around and walks back to Rick and lifts up on her toes and wraps her arms around his neck and kisses Rick soundly.

Kate initially gets nothing in return, but he is soon kissing her back. Kate strokes her tongue along his lower lip and when his lips part just a fraction, Kate dives in to search his mouth and acquire his taste.

He tasted different than Castle, no surprise. But the way he kissed her back reminded her of Castle. That alone got her to moan into the kiss. Kate could feel his arms start to wrap themselves around her and Kate pushed further into the kiss.

It had been almost a year since she had kissed any man. Kate finally broke from the kiss to get some much needed air. However she left her forehead resting against his, trying to control her breathing.

_WOW! … Make that double WOW!_

Kate mostly had her breathing under control again, though her heart was still pounding in her chest. "Just make sure you're still here when I get back." Kate whispers into Rick's lips.

Then kisses Rick again, just not as passionately. Kate removes her arms from around his neck and lays her palms on his chest and looks into his eyes again. Finding that they are a lot darker now than they ever had been before.

Kate pats his chest. "I'll be back." Then gives Rick a quick kiss and walks for the car.

If that didn't send a message she didn't know what would.

Alexis unlocked the driver's side for Kate to get in the car. Kate buckled up and accepted the keys from Alexis and started the car. Kate took a quick peek at Alexis and saw a smirk on her face.

"I suppose you saw that." Kate started to blush.

"Yup, if you wanted to get his attention, I'd say you've got it. Especially since he is still just standing there." Alexis can still see him from her vantage point, just barely.

Alexis turned by to look at Kate. "AND?"

"You're beginning to sound a lot like Lanie." Kate points out.

"I learned from the best mom." Alexis counters. "And you're evading my question."

Kate takes her hand off the keys and puts both hands on the steering wheel, followed by her head. "He doesn't taste like Castle, but he sure kisses like Castle. It was eerie, different and nice all at the same time."

Alexis turns her head to look at Rick again, who was still just standing there. "Well if the look on his face is any indication, he is just as confused as you are." Alexis points out.

"He's still standing there?" Kate was shocked, at least a little.

"Yup, hasn't moved an inch. … Maybe you should go back and kiss him again." Alexis decided to tease her mom.

"OH Funny! … Just I'm not sure I would survive another kiss like that one." Kate starts the car.

"If he's still in the same spot when we get back, he didn't survive the first one." Alexis was grinning. Teasing her mother was fun. "I wonder what he says or does when he sees Alexander." Alexis adds.

_OH CRAP! He still doesn't know there is a baby involved. This just got so much harder and a whole lot scarier._

Kate didn't trust Alexis going down to see Lanie. Kate was not ready to face Lanie about Rick. Maybe later after Kate had figured things out better.

"Hi guys, where are we on an ID of our vics?" Kate asks as she steps in. It was after lunch and Kate had never been this late before.

"We've got nothing so far. None of the bar tenders or owners remember seeing him. We had uniforms take pictures of all the cars in the parking lots. So far nothing really stands out as being owned by someone rich." Espo explains.

"Ok, keep expanding the circle, we really need to get lucky. We may have to start looking at the missing persons reports soon." Kate sat down and turned on her computer while Alexis sat in Castle's old chair.

A couple of hours later. "Ok Alexis let's go, I'll see you two in the morning. Alexis will be downstairs with Lanie starting tomorrow."

"Must be a rough life Castle, putting in two hour days." Espo teases.

"Life is hard Espo and if you're not careful Lanie will make yours a lot more softer, if you take my meaning." Kate teases back.

"Oooo, dirty pool Castle, and in front of the kids too." Espo counters.

"She knows more than you ever will Espo. Don't forget she works with Lanie." Kate reminds him.

"I'm going to drop you off at the loft pumpkin." Kate tells Alexis while driving there.

"I was hoping to go with you." Alexis was bummed.

"I know pumpkin, but Martha is probably looking for some relief with Alexander by now. I'll be home as soon as I can. I'll find dinner before I come home." Kate informs Alexis.

"I'll take care of Alex mom, nothing to worry about." Alexis confirms.

"I know you will pumpkin, and I love you." Kate stops outside the loft.

"Here's your list mom, good luck." Alexis hands over the list she made while Kate was working.

"Thanks pumpkin." Kate gets a kiss from Alexis.

Kate used a brick to pound on Rick's door until it started to open. "Ready?"

"I suppose." Rick tells her, closing the door after he squeezes out.

Kate decided to go to a mall since they needed a lot of different things.

Plate, glasses, silverware, mixing bowls, microwave, toaster, can opener, cooking utensils, sheets, pillows, comforter, tupperware, measuring spoons.

Now loaded down they took all of it out to the car and then went back inside to look for furniture.

Kate was on a mission since she wanted to get home to her family. "Oooo, toys!" Rick made a sudden right turn.

Rick soon had his hands on everything he could lay his hands on. Blow up dinosaurs, nerf guns, super soakers, Frisbee's, hoola hoop.

Kate just stood back and watched it all happen. Problem was Kate was conflicted, she wanted to finish and get home and yet here she was blinking back tears. This was so like Castle.

Then suddenly Rick stopped and was staring at some section of the store. "Kate, …. Kate!"

Kate stepped up to Rick and took a hold of his arm seeing what he was looking at. "Can we get a couple of these? … How much are they?" Rick knew she had spent he didn't know how much money so far, and yet Kate hadn't seemed to care.

Infusion Laser Tag system.

"I already have two sets at home. One for me and one for Alexis." Kate was grinning.

Rick's face was alive. It was a face Kate hadn't seen on him yet, or for what seemed like a very long time. "I can have another one ordered and delivered to home so you can play too." Kate informs him.

"You already have this and play it?" Rick stares at her, watching Kate nod her head.

Suddenly Rick takes her head in his hands and kisses her. At first it was just a simple happy kiss, but the longer the kiss lasted the more passionate it got. This time it was Rick who was searching her mouth with his tongue.

Still it got Kate to moan into the kiss. Rick eventually broke from the kiss and rested his forehead on hers while they both worked at controlling their breathing.

"You're amazing." Rick tells her. Getting Kate to suck in her breath and stop breathing.

Kate placed her face in his chest to help hide the tears as she blinked them back, and then lifted a hand to wipe away the ones that escaped.

It felt and sounded so much like Castle. Kate however had a problem, she was in love with Castle and this was Rick. Castle was gone and yet he felt so much like Castle.

Kate broke away and grabbed his hand. "Come on, … furniture." Kate needed to get going before she broke down and cried in public.

The place was small so they needed to be careful. A sofa big enough to sleep on, at least one end table, pictures or paintings to hang on the wall, bistro table with 2 chairs in the kitchen.

Kate arranged to have it all delivered tomorrow at the address for Rick's apartment.

Then on to the next store. 50" LCD TV to hang on the wall. Sceptre X508BV-FHD - 50" LCD TV - 1080p (FullHD)

Bose CineMate GS Series II Digital Home Theater Speaker sys – 2.1-CH.

These two got taken out to the car immediately and then back inside to look for a bed and a chest of drawers to put clothes into.

Amish Vertical Wall Murphy Bed with Desk. Queen size bed made of Cherry wood with a Cherry wood finish. They even demonstrated how it worked. The desk folded down with the bed till the desk was UNDER the bed.

It really was a desk that would allow Rick to have a laptop and a printer on the desk. Problem was the car was already full and didn't have room for a printer, but it did have room for a laptop.

Amish Bondelle chest with 5 drawers and two doors. Cedar bottom in drawers, made of Cherry wood with Cherry wood finish.

Apple MacBook Pro with Retina display – Core i5 2.4 Ghz- 128 GB flash storage – 13.3" 2560x1600 – 4 GB RAM – English.

Kate had one more thing she wanted to get while they were here. Kate got him the latest iPhone with a large data plan. Unlimited talk and text. As soon as it was up and operational Kate plugged in his number into her phone and hers into his.

"There, now you can call me and I can call you. And I expect you to use this thing." Kate pokes him in the chest.

Kate drove Rick to his old home now that they were done and walked him to the door.

"The movers are supposed to arrive tomorrow morning. Make sure you are out front and let them in. Here is the address for them to take everything to. You already have a key and I have mine." Kate gives him a piece of paper with the address on it.

"Don't lose it. … Alexis and I will be over during lunch to unload the car of everything we bought tonight. Please be there Rick. I'm trusting you to do this, don't let me down." Kate pokes him in the chest.

"I'm still now sure I understand why you are doing this, but I'll be here and there. I want to thank you, I don't know what I did to deserve you." Rick moved in close and placed his arms around Kate.

Kate lifted her arms up around his neck. "You don't have to thank me Rick, I want to do this. We'll go shopping for groceries after you are moved in, you are way too thin. Which reminds me."

Kate lowers one of her arms and searches one of the pockets and pulls out a set of keys and lifts it up for him to see. "This will unlock the door to the underground garage and this one will unlock the door to the storage room. In that room you will find the exercise equipment. I expect you to use it whenever you want to. Night or day." Kate stuffs them into his shirt pocket.

"Just don't lose them." Kate tells him as she puts her arm back up around his neck.

"You are far too good for me." Rick tells her looking into her eyes.

"I haven't even begun to be nice to you." Kate grins.

"You are an evil woman Kate." Rick knew she was teasing him.

"Hhhmmm, perhaps you should spank me." Kate flirts with him.

"Don't cops have cuffs?" Rick asks lifting his eyebrows a couple of times.

Kate brings her hands down and pushes them into his chest shoving him up against his door and Kate attacks his lips with hers.

Kate steps a leg between his and starts stroking her leg in and out and is soon rewarded with feeling his erection against her leg.

Kate keeps it up for a little longer then breaks from the kiss and lets go of him and backs off a step. "Be here and let them in, in the morning Rick." And Kate heads for her car to drive home and be with her family.

Kate needs to be there anyway. Her nipples are hard, her panties are a little wet, and her breasts hurt a little since she needs to nurse Alexander.


	7. Chapter 7

**CH7 (28)**

Kate was just closing the front door and pressing her finger to reset the alarm. "Hi mom, how did the shopping go?" Alexis calls out from the kitchen where she is sitting with Alexander in her arms feeding him a bottle.

"It went great pumpkin. You should see the Murphy bed we selected. It has this mini desk attached when the bed is put away and then it folds down and hides away under the bed when the bed is out." Kate had thought it was just way cool.

"Sounds interesting, I didn't know they could do things like that." It sounded interesting to Alexis. Now she was interested in seeing it tomorrow.

"The car is packed to almost overflowing with stuff. The big stuff is being delivered tomorrow a little after lunch." Kate tells her chuckling.

Kate steps up to her and Alexander. "How has he been? And where is Martha?" Kate looks around.

"Grams got a phone call from her contractor with a question so she is off to her construction site. And Alex has been perfect as usual." Watching Kate bend over and kiss him while he works on his bottle.

"I really need to pump, my breasts are killing me." Kate has to admit. Except Kate searches the refrigerator for something to snack on since she skipped dinner in favor of shopping.

"How is Rick?" Alxis wanted to hear everything.

Kate pulled out some cut up fruit to snack on. "It was amazing pumpkin. We had bought things for the kitchen. Pots and pans, plates, glasses and other things. Then we went back into the mall and we passed a toy store.

It was amazing, Rick said toys and dived right in playing with everything. It was like watching Castle all over again." Kate stopped to wipe away a tear.

"Then he stopped and called my name and I found him in front of a laser tag suit. In a little boy voice he asked if we could get two of them. One for him and one for me." Kate popped in a piece of watermelon.

"Then I told him we already had two suits here at home. … Which reminds me, I need to order another one." Kate pops in a piece of cantaloupe.

Alexis's mouth was hanging open. "Seriously?" Alexis watches Kate nod her head.

"I want to believe mom, I really do. I just don't know how. … And to answer your question is that I haven't heard dad since you gave birth to Alex." Alexis tells her.

"I know pumpkin, I know. I'm scared to believe too. Am I only interested in Rick because he reminds me of Castle? … And that was the last time I heard Castle say anything too." Kate tells her comparing what they know.

"Maybe dad did move on. He knew you would get your mothers killer and he didn't need to stay and watch over us anymore. …. Or did he do something else?" Alexis wonders.

"But it's not him pumpkin, I mean not totally him. Maybe I'm chasing something I shouldn't be and living in a dream world." Kate was conflicted. Kate really wanted Castle back. Was she chasing something she can't have?

"Maybe it's harder than dad thought. …. Or maybe he was willing to take the risk that you would find each other knowing he wouldn't remember you.

He does have a lot of memory loss mom. What you do is up to you. Dad never did give up on you." Alexis notices Alex has stopped feeding and lifts him to burp him.

"It's just so hard. Castle believed in all this Sci-fi/Fantasy stuff. I wasn't just skeptical about it all. Now I'm expected to believe something even more fantastic.

And I so want to pumpkin, … I just want Castle." Kate places her head in her hands and can't stop the tears.

Alexis puts Alex in his carrier and moves over to Kate to hold her. "I miss him too mom, you're not the only one who wants this. Maybe dad is in there and maybe he's not. But we're not going to find out if we give up on him." Alexis points out.

"He didn't give up on me, so I don't give up on him. Spend time with him, find out what he knows, what he does and what he doesn't… I can do that. Thanks pumpkin, you're the greatest." Kate hugs her back then wipes her tears away.

Kate moves over to pick up her son and spend some time with him. At the moment he's all she has left of Castle. "I'm going to take him with me and go pump so Martha has something to feed him tomorrow.

I'll meet you at the door and we can drive into work." Kate offers.

"Night mom, come get me when you're ready to go see Rick during lunch." Alexis watches Kate go upstairs to the nursery.

Kate didn't make it to bed until very late. Kate had a lot of pumping to do and she wanted to spend time with her son. She was gone all day after all.

Kate came out of the master bedroom carrying Alexander. "So that's where he was, no wonder I couldn't find him." Alexis comments sitting at the breakfast bar eating a bagel.

Kate smiled as she put Alexander in his carrier. "I was gone almost all day and missed him, so he slept with me. Besides I didn't have to go anywhere when he woke up wanting to be fed. … Where's Martha?" Kate starts searching the refrigerator for her breakfast.

"Grams is in the shower, she'll be down soon." Alexis informs her.

"You think Rick will still be there when the movers show up this morning?" Alexis changes the subject.

"He better be." Kate pulls out a couple of eggs and fires up the range while pulling out a pan. "I may have given him a reason to be there last night. Or maybe two." Kate could feel a blush coming on so she quickly turned her back and went to work cooking her eggs into scrambled eggs.

Alexis eyes light up. "OH! … What did you do mom?" Alexis tried to make it sound like a threat if she didn't answer.

"I may have kissed him once, …. Or twice." Kate cringes waiting for something to strike her exposed back.

"AND?" Alexis was more interested in what her mom thought of it than what she had actually done.

Kate turned to look at Alexis. "It was different and familiar all at the same time. It didn't taste like Castle and yet it felt like Castle." Kate turned back to her eggs, dropping a piece of bread in the toaster.

"Or he just happens to kiss like dad did. … If he wants to kiss you again, he'll be there at lunch." Alexis points out and finishes her bagel.

Kate was just finishing her breakfast when Martha floated down the stairs. "Good morning Katherine. You too dear." Martha waves her hands at the two of them and looks in the refrigerator.

"You sure you are alright with this Martha, I can find another way." Kate didn't know what it would be, but she would think of something.

"Nonsense dear, you are counting on me and I'll be there, here when you need me. Besides I get to spend all day with my grandson. It'll be like spending time with Richard all those years ago." Martha dropped whatever it was she had found on the floor. Then Kate heard a sniffle.

Kate was out of her seat instantly and had her arms around Martha and could feel shaking as she cries into Kate's shoulder.

It took a few moments and Kate was glad Alexis was up in her room putting her bag together before leaving for the precinct. "I'm sorry dear, it's just no parent should outlive their children."

It was the first big crack Kate had seen in Martha's armor since Castle died. "Maybe I should stay." Kate didn't want to leave her like this.

"Nonsense dear, I'll be fine." Martha straightens up. "We Castle women are made of sturdy stuff, nothing keeps us down." Martha wipes her tears away and starts to pick up what she had dropped.

"I've got it Martha." Kate beats her too it and places the Tupperware container on the counter.

"You two go on dear, you've got killers to find. My grandson and I will be fine." Martha did a masterful job of sounding convincing.

Kate wasn't so sure but went to the master bedroom to get her bag anyway.

Kate hugged Martha at the door. "You call if you need anything Martha." Kate pulled back but didn't let go of her. "I mean it Martha, nothing is more important than family."

"We'll be fine dear, I know what to do with babies. You two need to get going." Martha starts shoveling them out the door.

"Reset the alarm Martha." Kate tells her as the door closes.

"Is grams alright mom?" Alexis thought something was up.

"We somehow ended up on talking about when Castle was a baby." Kate gave her a hint.

"Aahhh." Alexis understood now.

The two of them parted in the garage. "Come get me for lunch mom. Might want to make it a late lunch to coincide with the furniture delivery. And it's a good thing this car is in a police garage." Alexis points out, getting Kate to chuckle.

"I'll be down at 1:00 pm if we don't get another case." Kate confirms and steps into the elevator.

Kate went with Ryan and Espo in their car. Parked in a central location and then split up going to the seemingly endless number of bars in this city.

They were back in the precinct just after 12:00 noon. "I'm going to smell like a brewery before we solve this case." Espo moans.

Kate is standing in front of her board. "There has got to be an easier way of reducing the number of bars on this list." Kate was moaning too. "I'm going downstairs to see Lanie. Maybe we are thinking of this all wrong. Start calling pawn shops and see if any of them have come across male wedding rings or expensive watches lately.

At least those places are likely to have security cameras, maybe we can actually see who pawned the item." Kate walked for the elevator.

Kate came across Alexis first. "Hi pumpkin." Kate hugged her. "Hi Lanie, can you look at our two dead guys again. I want to see if they are missing any wedding rings or watches. Maybe our guy robbed them of everything." Then Kate let go of Alexis and waked for the phone on the wall.

"Ryan, make sure we are watching his credit card usage. Maybe our guy will get greedy." Kate offers.

"Already thought of that, so far nothing." Ryan answers back.

Kate should have known better. "Thanks Ryan."

"Still no luck mom?" Alexis wanted to help, just didn't have any ideas.

"Nothing, I'm going to stop going to bars for drinks soon if I have to step into one more bar. Where does a supposedly rich guy go to get drunk?" Kate questions out loud again.

"He doesn't." Alexis offers up.

"What?" Kate had heard her but it didn't make sense.

"If he's that rich he doesn't go to a bar, he already owns the liquor store and simply drinks in the bar in the back. That way he doesn't have to pay for his drinks. He already owns everything on the shelves." Alexis offers.

"You're a genius pumpkin." Kate hugs her and kisses her head and goes to the phone again.

"Ready to go?" Kate asks looking at Alexis.

"You stealing my helper from me?" Lanie asks, teasing.

"We have a mother daughter project to do, I'll give her back right after lunch." Kate explains knowing there was no way in hell she was telling Lanie about Rick.

"I hope you can survive pitbull Lanie pumpkin." Kate was pretty sure Alexis was going to be grilled when she got back.

"Lanie can be kinda scary sometimes, but I've got a plan." Alexis grins at Kate.

Kate parks just one car down from his building's entrance. "Let's go see if Rick is home so we can unload the car."

It only took a moment for the door to open. "Hi Rick."

"Hi Kate, come on in." Rick stands aside and motions for them to enter.

"The furniture is here!" Kate was amazed.

"Yeah, they only just left about 15 minutes ago. They got here really early. It forced me to just point for what they brought to go. As you can see there is barely any room left." Rick tells them.

The furniture was here, everything that they boxed and was mostly still in boxes was here. Along with his drawing desks and a number of smaller tables.

"We need to start unloading the car before someone does it for us." Kate points out.

"You two go, I'll get started on the boxes." Alexis offers.

"Thanks pumpkin, I started with the ones in the bathroom." Rick tells them and moves to the door and opens it and steps outside to go to the stairwell.

Kate and Alexis are both glued to the spot and are staring at each other. 'Did you?' in Alexis's eyes.

'No, did you?' Kate's eyes talk back.

"MOM?" Alexis asks, still not sure she heard right.

Kate however is shaking her head. Kate knew she hadn't ever said the word in Rick's presence. And Rick didn't know anything about Alexis until she introduced her. And still knows nothing about Alexander.

"Just work on the boxes pumpkin, we'll talk later." Kate heads for the door and closes it behind her.

Alexis was in the bathroom on most of their trips up and down. Alexis was in the kitchen un-boxing on their last trip.

"Since the furniture is here and we still have lunch time left how about we go down the street to get some groceries. You need something to make meals with." Kate offers.

"Sure, might as well as burn me out of house and home now instead of later." Rick was teasing, sort of. Since he had no idea if he knew how to cook. What he had been doing was throwing it in the microwave. Mostly because that was all he had. Now he had a stove top and an oven.

"You two go ahead, I'll stay and keep un-boxing." Alexis offers.

"Let's go then, we don't have a lot of time." Kate grabs Rick's arm and starts pulling him towards the door.

Rick however was dragging for some reason. "Is there something you need?" Kate asks feeling him not coming easily.

"No, …. nothing." Rick answers and goes with Kate.

Kate however is aware that his mind hasn't left the apartment but says nothing. He wasn't afraid of leaving Alexis alone when they were unloading the car. Is it the apartment itself. It was vastly different from where he was living.

He was a little more with her while shopping. They had walked it so they couldn't get a whole lot.

Kate picked things that she thought were universal for a number of meals, including spices.

Rick was trying to select things that were already made and just needed to be thrown into the microwave. "Rick no, that stuff isn't good for you. Here take this, this and, …. this. Now go find the pasta. It's still nice and simple but it's better, trust me."

They had filled up the cart and went to the checkout where everything was put into reusable grocery bags that were bought on the same trip.

Alexis had the boxes in the kitchen empty and used one of the knives to cut the tape and lay it flat on the floor. Then moved into the living room and started opening boxes.

The first two were filled with his illustrating supplies. The next box had some of his work in it. Alexis couldn't resist looking at some of them again. He really did have talent.

Alexis knew her dad understood it and how to do it, but he had never actually done any of it that she knew anything about. Still Alexis thought if her dad put his mind to it, he probably could do it.

Alexis decided to leave them to him to un-pack since it involved his work.

The next box had a number of things in it. Some more of his supplies, some of his work and a book. It was about the size of a notebook. It was a hard bound book and was very thick.

Alexis pulled out the book and put the box on the floor, leaving it open.

Alexis opened the book and used her thumb to flip through the pages quickly. It was only about half used. The front section was filled with words.

It was hand written and it looked familiar somehow. Alexis cleared a space on the sofa and sat down opening the beginning of the book and started reading.

Kate and Rick where walking back with a bag in each hand. "What if I can't cook and can barely burn water?" Rick moans while they walk.

"Burn water, you can't burn water Rick." Kate was smiling.

"Sure I can, I just turn the heat up and the water boils away and the pan melts and starts a fire." Rick counters.

"Didn't you just prove that you can't burn water?" Kate questions.

"Stop confusing me with your female logic." Rick counters and keeps walking.

Kate however stops dead in her tracks. "Stop confusing me with your logic woman." Kate whispers to herself. "Castle!"

Rick finally notices that Kate has stopped. "Everything alright?" Rick asks after turning to look at her.

"Hhhmmm, Oh fine, just fine." And Kate starts walking and passes him by.

Kate stops at the door. "Have you got the keys?" Kate asks.

"I thought you had the keys." Rick answers back.

"Why would I have the keys? It's your apartment." Kate counters.

"Yes but you bought it." Rick counters.

"And you're going to pay me back for every dime too." Kate had no idea how he was going to do that yet but she would think of something.

"Great no keys." Kate can't believe this.

Alexis was flipping through pages and reading as fast as she could. Her mind was racing faster than she was reading. Then she heard them outside the door and panicked.

Alexis jumped up and dropped the book back in its box and lifted one of the already open one with his supplies in it and dropped it on top of that box.

"Alexis can you open the door, someone forgot the keys." Kate glares at Rick.

"I didn't forget the keys." Rick tells her again.

"And that's why we're locked out." Kate counters.

Alexis opens the door. "The door wasn't locked." Alexis points out.

"I told you we weren'y locked out." Rick points out.

"You said no such thing." Kate counters while walking her bags into the kitchen.

"We didn't need the keys did we, so we weren't locked out." Rick follows her into the kitchen.

Alexis closes the door, not knowing what to do next, so she just stood there for now.

Kate and Rick were standing on flattened empty boxes while putting their groceries away.

"Just follow the directions on the jar, make sure you boil the pasta in water, brown the meat without burning it and you'll be fine." Kate tells him, leaving the jar on the range.

Alexis thought it was time to go and things were quiet in the kitchen for some reason so she took a few steps to the opening.

Inside she finds her mom with her arms around Rick's neck and his were holding her hips in place holding her close to him, kissing.

Now Alexis was even more conflicted. What to do, what to do? Alexis retreated to the front door. "Lunch is over mom." Alexis calls out loudly.

Kate showed up in a few seconds. "We really do need to get back to work. I'll be back over tomorrow during lunch hopefully unless we get another case or a break in this one. I'll call you." Kate gives him a quick kiss to his cheek this time since Alexis is watching.

They are just parking in the garage at the precinct. "Have you looked up Rick mom?" Alexis suddenly asks as Kate turns off the car.

"No, why should I?" Kate asks, just now noticing that Alexis had been quiet all the way back.

"Just look him up mom." And Alexis exits the car and slams the door closed and walks with purpose towards the doors.

"ALEXIS!" Kate gets out of the car, and watches Alexis just keep walking.

"ALEXIS HARPER CASTLE!" Kate watches Alexis suddenly stop with her head drooping.

Kate strides over to Alexis and lifts her chin up. "Pumpkin?"

"Just look him up mom." And Alexis walks away from her. Leaving a shocked Kate in her wake.


	8. Chapter 8

**CH8 (29)**

A seriously confused Kate made it back to her desk and sat down in a haze.

The guys were not at their desks, however Roy was in his office, so their being missing didn't have anything to do with him.

Kate turned to her computer and input the name Richard Carlisle.

Born in Topeka, KS. Parents of Ed and Beth Carlisle. Both parents are deceased. Died in a plane crash in Detroit. Beth's sister her husband and their 9 month old son died in the same crash. Beth's brother and his wife died in a car accident in Detroit when they lost control of their car on an icy road.

Beth's brother and his wife's surviving son committed suicide 2 months after their death.

Ed's brother Ray was killed in a mugging gone wrong. Both of Ed's and Beth's parents were deceased.

Richard was an only child.

Graduated High School at Lawrence Gardner High School. Attended Kansas University for 2 years before transferring to Bryan University of Topeka, KS.

First teaching job was at Wichita Area Technical College. Quit after 6 years and moved to Pittsburgh, KS. Where he taught math and PE part time for Pittsburg State University until being hired full time.

Worked there full time for only 2 years. After that he disappears. No jobs listed after that.

An F5 tornado went through Pittsburg, KS. Traveled 26 miles. 1150 people injured, 58 people killed. Pittsburg, KS is a high risk area for tornadoes.

Joplin, MO is only 29 miles away.

Kate made a phone call to Pittsburg State University. Yes, Richard Carlisle used to be a teacher here. They knew he was going to take a vacation trip to New York City during the summer when there were no classes. He failed to show up for the next semester after summer.

His house was destroyed. They believe he is one of the 7 people that are still un-accounted for even now. His house was totally destroyed down to the foundation. They believe he was killed in the catastrophe.

His paychecks were direct deposit to Kansas Teachers Credit Union. Kate called them. Without a court order they would only release that yes a Richard Carlisle had a check, savings and Christmas club account. All of them were still open.

Kate thanked them for their time. Kate printed it all out and went downstairs. "Hi Lanie, I need to borrow my daughter." Kate didn't wait for Lanie and pulled Alexis out the doors.

Kate gave her the print outs. "Here." Kate let her read while she waited.

When it looked like Alexis was done. "Well?"

"I'm sorry mom. … It's just I found a book while I was un-boxing and I started reading it." Alexis starts.

"A book? A notebook? About yay and yay with lots of pages. Brown with a red spine?" Kate asks watching Alexis nod her head.

"ALEXIS! That was private! You read his private book?" Kate spun away and walked away before coming back. Alexis could see that she was furious with her.

"I thought you knew better than to read someone's personal book. Maybe I should take your journal that has all your secrets in it and leave it at the library for anyone to read.

HOW COULD YOU? … We'll talk about this when we get home young lady. Consider yourself grounded." Kate strides for the elevator to take her back upstairs.

"MOM!" Alexis tries to start to explain.

"I don't want to hear it Alexis. I'm so disappointed in you." Kate pounds on the up button countless times. Kate knew just what book she had been reading. It was the same book Rick had been hiding from her at the coffee shop.

The elevator shows up and Kate steps in and presses the button for the 4th floor, then crosses her arms across her chest. Kate was still furious with Alexis.

"Mom it's a book, he's writing a book." The elevator doors start to close.

"It's a NIKKI HEAT BOOK!" Alexis calls out. And watches Kate's hand get caught in the elevator doors which immediately open. Displaying a Kate Castle in complete shock.

"It's a Nikki Heat book mom. One I've never read before, and it's not the one dad started but never finished. It's totally new." Alexis tells Kate who still hasn't moved. Kate is just standing there holding the doors open.

"I'm sorry mom, really sorry. It's just when I saw the words Nikki Heat I decided to start reading it. He's hand writing it like dad used to do long ago.

It even kinda looks like his handwriting mom. I was afraid he was a fake. Trying to use our memory of dad and the fact that we both miss him. If he convinces you and/or me he might gain access to the money dad left us.

Use our pain to get to his money. I'm sorry mom, really sorry. I just wanted to be sure." Alexis wiped away some of her tears.

Kate exited the elevator and stepped up to Alexis. "You're sure?" Alexis could see Kate's tears starting.

Alexis nodded her head. "It has Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook. Rook is dead and Nikki is trying to prove that he isn't while exposing the people who have him in hiding somewhere. Nikki has faith that Rook is still alive and is doing everything she can to find him. I'm not as fast a reader as dad was, but it looked like he was about 190 or so pages into the story. When you two came back from buying groceries Nikki was in Montreal chasing down leads. Nikki was in some kind of abandoned apartment building that had been stripped to the studs and block walls, when she was attacked by a Caucasian man who had a gun. Rook had been missing for a little over 2 months already.

I didn't get any further than that. It wasn't hard to tell that Nikki really wanted Rook back, badly. Nikki was falling apart slowly with Rook being gone" Alexis finishes her breakdown of the book. The part she had been able to read anyway.

Kate stands there gaping at Alexis, not sure what to think. She definitely had no idea what to do.

"I'm still mad at you. You should have known better and we're still going to talk about this when we get home." Kate informs Alexis.

Then Kate's face softens. "You're sure?" Watching Alexis nod her head.

Kate could feel her heart pounding in her chest. This was, … this was big. Like really big. They had helped him pack everything he owned and it was the only book he had. Now Kate had more questions.

"We keep this to ourselves pumpkin. We'll talk about this when we get home, and don't say anything to Martha. We don't even know if Castle was talking to her like he was us." Kate suddenly deflates. "God, what do we tell Martha?"

As much as Kate and Alexis loved Castle, he was her son. Kate never doubted that Martha loved Castle as much and as instantly as she loves Alexander.

Alexis took a hold of Kate's arm. "We'll figure it out mom. Maybe we can start up the murder board again."

"So we can spy on Rick?" Kate hated that idea already.

"Not that exactly, just use it to hold the information we do have and use it to speculate what it means." Alexis offers.

"I don't know pumpkin. Won't that taint what we think of Rick? How are we supposed to trust him? And if Castle is in there somewhere how do we love just the Castle portion of him if we're spying on him?

And what happens if he finds out? Run away throwing us to the curb. I would or at least would have before I fell in love with your father." Kate's pain over all of it was written on her face.

"We wait till we get home pumpkin. … And try not to talk to Lanie. She gets wind of this and our lives are going to be hell." Kate knew pit bull Lanie. Knew what she was capable of. From her perspective she might be helping, all Kate saw was intrusion before she had time to figure it all out.

Lanie would have questions Kate wasn't ready to answer.

"We wait until we get home pumpkin." Kate hugged her and kissed her head. Then walked for the elevator. And after stepping inside. "And I'm still mad at you." Just not as much anymore.

Alexis decided to go to the restroom and wash her face and try and remove all traces of her talk with her mother. If she looked different Alexis knew Lanie would be all over her. As much as she loved Lanie and respected her, Lanie could be a pain sometimes.

Kate went through the motions while at her desk. As much as she wanted to keep her mind on her work, she just couldn't. There was too much on her mind that had nothing to do with work.

Kate did however call Martha to tell her that they would be home in a few hours and ask how Alexander was doing.

"He's perfect Katherine. He is happy and just wiggles and waves his arms and kicks his feet. And when he smiles at you it just makes your heart melt. You've done good Katherine." Martha has him on the sofa lying on his back and tickles his tummy, while placing the phone down to just next to his head so Katherine can hear.

It had Kate smiling and lifted her heart, especially after what she had just gone through with Alexis.

Now Kate's mind was on her job. It was just the phone call she needed without knowing she needed it.

"How are we coming on those liquor stores?" Kate asks the guys.

"So far all of them are standalone stores. None of them have known bars attached to them." Espo responds.

Kate thought about it. If the bar was more like a speakeasy of old, it would be hidden away and not generally known. Maybe this idea wasn't going to get them any closer after all.

"Keep at it, I'm tired of visiting bars." Kate tells him.

Kate goes back to looking at her murder board. "If I was this rich someone would eventually miss me. And his rich buddy that died with him." Kate moved over to her phone.

"Hi Lanie, are we anywhere on dental records?" Kate knew it was just as difficult. Dental offices had other things to do than look through x-rays to see if they have anyone even close to a match. And there were a lot of dental offices in the city.

"I know Lanie, but we need an ID on these two." Kate knew the problems.

If they knew who they had, it would help figure out where and who killed them.

"Ready to go home pumpkin?" Kate steps in through the door of the morgue.

"Just let me grab my bag mom." Alexis headed to Lanie's little office area.

"Happy to have her back?" Kate asks Lanie.

"More than happy. You never know what you've missed until it's gone. … Sorry." Lanie scrunches her face.

"It's ok Lanie. I still miss him, but I'm glad I let him in. I'd rather have Castle, but I've got a daughter and a son, so I can't complain." Kate isn't mad at Lanie.

"I'm sorry girlfriend, you just wouldn't see what the rest of us could already see. We all knew you loved Castle, even if you wouldn't tell yourself." Lanie was still worried after all this time about how hard she had pushed Kate towards Castle.

"I just, … It was a different time, a different me. I never knew how empty my heart was till I let Castle fill it. It may have a hole in it now, but I'm living instead of existing." Kate was smiling even if her heart was still bleeding.

"And you have a son now." Lanie was smiling. Kate Beckett was Kate Castle and had Castle's son.

Kate smile got bigger. "Yeah, Martha even put him on the phone when I called. She had him going and I could just see him in my mind. He's perfect, he really is."

"Ready mom?" Alexis steps up.

"We'll be back tomorrow Lanie. Maybe we can go shopping this weekend? I feel like finding some new onesies for Alexander." Kate offers.

"Count me in, I need to find a certain something." Lanie was smiling.

"You mean a LITTLE something for a certain someone?" Kate teased.

"Maybe." Lanie was still smiling.

"I'm sure he will thank you for your thoughtfulness in many ways." Kate teased.

The car ride home was done in silence. Alexis had found out something, but how she had found it still had Kate mad. And what she had found was still going round and round in her mind.

"Hi Martha, where's the man of the house?" Kate asks after entering and letting Alexis pass then resetting the alarm after closing the door.

"He's upstairs sleeping. He didn't quite finish any of his bottles, but he is getting closer. And he's still incredibly handsome." Martha was as much in love with him as Kate and Alexis were.

"Now that you are home I'm off to see my disaster. Don't wait up for me, I'll find something to eat don't worry about me." Martha goes upstairs to get her bag and sets the delay on the panel on the way out.

"Mom?" Alexis starts to try and explain.

Kate sighs. "Alexis, … pumpkin. What possessed you? You of all people should know better. This was so unlike you. You invaded his privacy. If Castle had done it I'd be just as mad, but at least I know why Castle would have done it.

He never could not stick his nose into things, but you're the exact opposite of your father. I'd bet good money that you've never been grounded in your life, unless you thought you did something and forced your father to ground you. So explain it to me." Kate leaned against the kitchen counter inside the kitchen watching Alexis sit at the breakfast bar.

"I, … I had finished un-boxing everything in the kitchen and had moved to the living room and started on those boxes. I found his work and his tools and decided to let him un-pack those himself. It was his work, how he made money.

Then I found the box that had an assortment of things in it including that book. I had noticed it was the only book I had seen so far. I flipped through the pages to see what kind of book it was. I hadn't noticed it was lacking a name on the spine.

I had started at the end and saw that a lot of the pages where empty which was curious. Who publishes a book with blank pages? I was all set to put it back in the box when I saw the word Nikki.

Then I sat down on the sofa and started reading as fast as I could. I even skipped whole sentences, moving on to skip whole paragraphs to try and read as much as I could. Then I heard you two coming back and I panicked. It was only then that I realized what I had done.

I was sure I had the word "Guilty" written all over my face. I was only too willing to leave when you wanted to go back to work.

The drive to work made me question why Rick was writing a book about Nikki Heat. Was he really writing a book? Or was he writing it for a different reason. Suddenly I was conflicted, worried and guilty.

You should punish me mom. I deserve to be punished. It never even occurred to me it could have been a journal filled with all his most inner and private thoughts, and it should have. … Here." As Alexis slides her phone across the counter. "I'll go get the remote for my TV and the DVD player and go start laundry."

Alexis starts dishing out her own punishment and gets up to go upstairs. "Alexis." Kate moans. "Alexis wait." Getting Kate to walk over to her and wrap her arms around her.

Kate loves her too much to stay mad at her. Kate could never stay mad at Castle either, even after he looked into her mother's case behind her back.

"What am I going to do with you?" Kate whispers.

"There's still the matter that Rick called me pumpkin." Alexis reminds Kate.

Kate pushes away from Alexis but doesn't let go of her. "He did, didn't he? I can't remember ever calling you that in his presence." Kate points out.

"I don't think you have, and he said it so effortlessly. Like he had done it all his life, and he never even noticed that he said it." Alexis offers what she thought of it.

"Go turn on the board pumpkin and start putting up what you know as a fact and then add footnotes about what it means to you. I'm going to start dinner, check on Alexander and then join you. We need to figure this out, before it drives both of us insane." Kate kisses Alexis's head and goes back into the kitchen to search the refrigerator to see what she had to work with.

Kate had Alexander in her arms when Kate entered the study to look at the board. "Writing a Nikki Heat book. His eyes. Called Alexis, pumpkin." Kate reads her early list.

"Kisses like Castle. Loves toys. Sexual teasing like Castle. Comes up with wild theories about murders." Kate adds her list.

"When did he come up with a wild theory?" This was new to Alexis.

"I told him about the two dead rich guys and the first thing he asked was if they were aliens. He even suggested that they had brought their own war with them and were fighting it here.

When I told him they weren't Vulcan's or Klingon's he was dejected." Kate explains.

It got Alexis to start laughing. "Vulcan's and Klingon's, really?" Alexis watches Kate smile and nod her head.

"I don't know mom. I know what I want to believe. My heart wants to tell me that dad wouldn't leave me. … At first I thought I was suffering so much that my mind was thinking up things that dad would say. It hurt so much and I just wanted him back." Alexis pauses blinking back the tears she was sure she didn't any more of.

"I thought someone was playing a sick joke on me. I was falling apart and hearing Castle's voice only made it worse. I was so close to losing my mind." Kate confirms.

"And then we talked and told each other what dad was saying to each of us. I still don't know if dad talked to grams." Alexis adds.

"I still don't know what to tell Martha. I mean she knows us and would listen, but if Castle didn't talk to her but did us. …." Kate trails off.

"It would hurt her and I'm not doing that to grams. Grams lost her only son. I can't imagine the pain of that. As bad as mine was or is, that has to be worse." Alexis didn't know how Martha managed.

"Martha is stronger than we give her credit, but this. …?" Kate shook her head.

Alexander chose this time to put up a fuss. "I only just fed you young man." Kate checks his diaper. "And you're dry. … So you just want attention do you? Well we can fix that." And Kate heads for the sofa to play with her son.

"Don't forget to turn the board off pumpkin, we don't need Martha seeing it accidentally." Kate calls over her shoulder.

While Kate was playing with her son on the sofa getting him to smile at her, blow mini bubbles and see if he would grab her finger, Kate's phone started to vibrate on the coffee table.

Alexis picked it up. "It's Rick." Alexis handed the phone to her mom. "I'll be upstairs."

"Oh no you don't young lady, I'm not having you disappear on me every time Rick calls." Kate grabs Alexis's arm and motions with her eyes and head for her to sit back down.

Only after Alexis was sitting again did she answer the phone. "Hi Rick." Kate answered softly.

Kate was listening to what he said. Alexis could hear him talking but it was too soft to make out the words. "So you do know how to cook." Kate grinned at Alexis who was suddenly smiling.

"So the man who said he didn't know how to burn water can cook." Kate had to tease him. "Have you made any headway on unpacking?"

Kate listened for a while. "You need to clear out the living room more if you expect to pull the bed down. Is it in the right spot or do you need help moving it? …. You're within walking distance Rick. …. And I'm a cop who carries a gun. … ok start moving boxes and your tables out of the way and I'll be right over to help you move the bed. …. Relax Rick, it's not a problem, give me about 15 minutes. If I'm not there by then, then you can call the cops. …. Bye Rick." Kate hangs up her phone.

"I'll watch Alex mom." Alexis offers.

"Thanks pumpkin, I won't be gone long. Just long enough to move his bed a little. And maybe help him put sheets on it. He's gotten used to sleeping on that ratty sofa." Kate gets up and kisses Alexis's head.

Picks up her keys and takes her weapon out of the gun safe at the front door. "Set the alarm after I'm gone."

The walk to Rick's apartment was relatively easy. Rick opened the door after Kate knocked. "Hi." Kate greets him, and then steps past him.

"You haven't moved anything." Kate turns on him and glares at him.

"I was waiting for you to help me decide where the bed should go." Rick tried defending himself. When what he really only wanted was for Kate to come over.

Kate looked around. "It needs to be far enough off this wall to clear your little table that the cable box will sit on under the TV. You're going to need to shove the sofa out of the way and then shove it back to do your work.

Your work desks go there, with those table all around them. So let's move the desks and tables first." Kate offers up.

"Now we push the sofa up against the desks to make space for the bed to fold down into." Kate tells him.

"Now we move the bed a little that way." Kate motions her finger that way. "I'll pull while you push." Kate started pulling while watching Rick push. "Come on Rick, put your back into it. You're the man here."

"There, now pull the bed down. …. Slowly." Kate tells him watching that it will clear the table under the TV. "Perfect. …. Now what did you do with the bed sheets?" Kate looks around.

"They're on the table in the kitchen." Rick responds.

Kate glares at him. Kitchen? Really? Kate is soon back ripping it open. "Fitted sheet first. … Now the top sheet. … Here stuff the pillow in it." Kate tosses one of the pillow cases in his face and starts giggling._ I'm giggling already?_

Kate had noticed while she was in the kitchen that it was clean. Rick had cleaned up after cooking.

The comforter was next. "There you're all set. Just lift the bed up in the morning and push the sofa away from your desks and you can work. Maybe later this week we can take you shopping for clothes. You need to look good for an interview if you want that job as an illustrator. … You really are talented Rick." Kate was impressed with his work.

"Thanks." Rick switched to looking at the floor.

Kate walked over to him and lifted his chin up so she could look him in the eyes. "Nothing changes overnight Rick, you'll get there."

Kate soon found herself lost in his eyes and found her arms around his neck and didn't back away when Rick brought his lips closer to hers.

Kate was kissing him back and was soon moaning into the kiss. This needed to stop while she still had control of her mind. Especially since she was standing next to a bed.

Kate broke away from the kiss. "I have a couple of days off next week. Think about what you want to do during them. Baseball game maybe. Rent some bicycles and go riding in the park. Attend a movie in the park. …. Think about it." Kate removes her arms and backs up.

"Call if you need something." Kate heads for the door finding Rick right behind her.

Kate has the door open but Rick stops her. "Night Rick." Looking up into his eyes again.

"Till tomorrow Kate." Getting Kate to go weak in the knees. Finding herself grabbing his t-shirt and pulling him down so she can kiss him again. Not waiting for his lips to part and just force her tongue in and search his mouth.

It was a new taste and Kate wanted to get used to it.


	9. Chapter 9

**CH9 (30)**

Kate and the guys have had no luck so far in identifying their two dead guys. Why was it so hard to discover the identity of two guys?

No missing persons reports matched their vics. No car keys meant they didn't even know what kind of cars they were looking for.

"Espo, go downstairs and check with robbery. Maybe their cars have been picked up by a chop shop, we need something." Kate asks of him.

Robbery hadn't taken down any chop shops in weeks. They did know of some suspected locations but nothing to bust them with. It got Kate to moan, they needed a break.

"How can two guys fall of the face of the planet and no one notice?" Kate moans.

Kate went downstairs to collect her daughter and go home for 2 days. Well hopefully 2 days. Kate had one day off but was on call the next if she was needed. Alexis was off the same 2 days, just not on call.

Walking in the front door they find Martha sitting on the sofa with Alexander in her arms giving him a bottle. "Hi Martha."

"Hello Katherine, welcome home." Martha greets her and then returns her attention to what she is doing.

"Let me change and I'll be right with you." Kate heads for the master bedroom.

"No hurry dear, he's almost finished." Martha calls after her.

By the time Kate returns Martha is burping him. Kate sits next to Martha and plays with his arm.

Kate picks up the empty bottle. "First one he has ever finished completely." Kate points out.

Martha hands him over after getting him to burp. "How is my handsome boy?" Kate coos at him and rubs his nose with hers. Then bends over to start giving him kisses.

"You really should see him Castle, he's the most perfect thing there is. … Thank you!" Kate goes back to kissing him.

Alexis came up to the back side of the sofa. "I'm going to start dinner mom."

"Thanks pumpkin, I have to add something to the board." Kate tells her.

Alexis looks around and finds Martha in the kitchen getting a wine bottle out of the refrigerator. "What?" Alexis whispers.

"He said "Till tomorrow Kate" last night as I was leaving." Kate whispers back.

It got Alexis to smile, they were one step closer to what they were thinking.

Martha was paying attention to Alexis while she cooked allowing Kate to sneak into the study and turn on the board to input her information and then quickly turn it back off.

Kate puts Alexander in his carrier to help Alexis with dinner.

"When do you have days off Katherine?" Martha didn't want her working herself too hard.

"Tomorrow and the day after hopefully. I'm on call the day after if I'm needed." Kate answers her question.

"That's good dear, you have a tough job and need some time off. Spend some time with your son." Martha was happy.

"Actually I'm thinking of attending a baseball game tomorrow. I haven't been to a game for a long time." Kate tells her.

"Well some recreation time is good too. Is Alexander going with you?" Introduce her son to baseball early. Maybe he'll grow up to be a famous pro ball player.

"Actually I'm watching Alex grams." Alexis informs her knowing of Kate's plans for tomorrow with Rick.

"Is your father going to be there dear?" Martha wondered if Kate had talked to him since that disaster of a day.

"Not that I know of, I haven't talked to him since before Alexander was born." Kate thought she probably should, but what he had said had been so very painful.

"He is your father dear, good or bad." Martha points out.

"I know Martha, it's just, …. I'm having trouble getting past what he asked of me. I never thought he was capable of such a thing." Kate still was hurt over his words.

"You'll think of something dear." Martha hoped she would. He was still her father.

Kate was in the nursery room holding her son while pumping for tomorrow, slowly rocking back and forth. Kate knew Rick would need to be told about Alexander, but for now she planned on keeping him in the dark about her son.

He knew about Alexis and it hadn't scared him off. Kate was still shocked that he had called Alexis, pumpkin. Even if he had heard the word, Kate didn't think he knew her well enough to use that term of endearment.

Was she playing with fire? Probably, but the lure of what could be was so enticing. Those eyes had her, and it didn't hurt that he was also handsome. Now Kate wondered who he left behind.

Kate knew he was single and never married, in small town Kansas. But then almost any city was small compared to New York City. Still, a high school sweetheart? Dated in college? Dated and a girlfriend in Pittsburgh? Guess it didn't matter if he didn't remember them.

Then it struck Kate, if he didn't remember anyone that meant he didn't remember who he had sex with. He might not technically be a virgin, but with his memory loss, he was in a way.

Kate was going to have to handle this very carefully. Kate just hoped she was up to the task. It had been almost a year since any man had touched her.

Kate knew they were going to a baseball game because Rick had called and asked her out to one. It had been cute listening to him ask her to a game while trying to convince Kate to buy the tickets, knowing that he didn't have to money to purchase them.

June 14 was Oakland Athletics visiting the New York Yankees. Kate was hoping it was a good game, Oakland was a good team that was playing well at the moment. Bad timing for the Yankees.

Kate had decided on simple blue jeans with sneakers and a simple top that didn't show very much. Her bra and panties were also simple and comfortable, since she had no intention of Rick seeing them. It was far too soon to be doing that.

Since she was off duty she left her badge and weapon behind. Her back up weapon also stayed behind.

Kate knocked on the door and had it open quickly. "Hi, ready?" Kate wanted to get there and be in the stadium for as long as she could. Kate took a quick peek inside and saw that the bed was put away, the sofa had been pushed forward.

The TV was still in its box, which reminded Kate that she needed to call the cable company and arrange for them to come out and hook him up.

"Ready." Rick tells her and steps outside and locks the door.

They had been walking for a few blocks. "Are we not driving?" Rick didn't know where he was going.

"No, we're going to take the subway. Getting there should be easy. Getting back may be more of a hassle and very crowded." Kate explains. Kate knew that when the game let out the subway station would be packed as would each train.

"I've never used the subway." Rick had to admit, not sure what to expect.

"It's easy, we need to get you a pass first. Just stay close and everything will be fine." Kate takes his hand and they walk for the closest station hand in hand.

It was a little bit of a walk to get from his apartment to the green 4,5,6 line that took them right to Yankee Stadium. Kate was inclined to take a taxi back since it would be late when they got back.

Kate only bought him a one day pass since she didn't know if she wanted him traveling the subway on his own. Not until he was more comfortable with it.

Kate held his hand for as long as she could. Going through the turnstiles was the only time she let go of him. Kate also noticed he was unusually quiet. He was looking at everything but her.

"Rick?" Kate squeezes his hand.

"Hhhmmm?" Rick turned to look at her.

"You alright?" Kate needed to hear it. If he was uncomfortable with this, it was going to be even worse on the ride home.

"I'm fine, just curious. I've never done this before. It's, …. different." Rick's head went back to looking around him.

It was a long ride, since their exit was 19 stops later.

Kate went up to buy the tickets still holding Rick's hand, until it came time to actually pay. Kate used her card to purchase them.

MasterCard Batter's Eye - Starts at just $65

Located atop the Mohegan Sun Sports Bar in center field, MasterCard Batter's Eye Seats offer one of the most unique views of Yankee Stadium. Behind the seats is the MasterCard Batter's Eye Cafe for your group to enjoy a pregame party with all-inclusive food and nonalcoholic beverages.

Semiprivate party space

90-minute party begins when gates open and ends 30 minutes prior to the scheduled start time of game

All-inclusive food and nonalcoholic beverages

Private parties for groups of 79 people

Seats will be in the MasterCard Batter's Eye

Menu includes: Brooklyn beef sliders, Nathan's hot dogs, Premio sweet sausage, chicken tenders, french fries, mixed green salad and Pepsi products.

"WOW, hot dogs." Rick knew what he wanted. It got Kate to giggle, even if she did agree. A Yankee game with a hot dog and a beer.

Kate was smiling the entire game, even if the Yankees were losing. Rick was coming alive during the game. He was up and yelling when things went wrong, which was most of the time. And cheering when the Yankees got their one and only run of the game.

Rick had eaten 4 hot dogs, along with some french fries and Kate was impressed when he had only the one beer and had then switched to drinking Pepsi.

Kate only had two hot dogs, with just a few fries and had followed Rick's lead having just the one beer followed by drinking Pepsi.

Rick's fun had been contagious and it had Kate yelling with him soon after he started.

The Yankees lost 5-1, however Kate had a lot of fun.

Kate kept a hold of Rick's hand all the way out as the masses exited the park. The subway station was already packed when they reached it. It took 4 trains before they managed to squeeze onto the train.

They were squeezed together as the train was packed. So Kate wrapped her arms around Rick feeling Rick do the same. It got Kate to look up at him since not being in heels this time Rick was now noticeably taller than her.

What she felt like doing was kissing him, but not in a packed subway car, so she turned her head and pressed her head into his chest. With a little imagination she was in Castle's arms being held close.

But was that fair to Rick? He wasn't Castle, even if so many things reminded her of him. It caused Kate to remove one of her arms from around him and wipe a tear away, then put her arm back around him.

It hadn't been long and this was their first date. They both needed time. Kate needed time to figure this out.

It took a number of stops for the crowd in the car to thin out allowing Kate to let go of Rick and go back to holding his hand. Kate immediately felt the loss of having him close. Being held in his arms. Rick or Castle, it was comforting.

Kate ultimately did decide on a taxi ride to his apartment and escorted him up to his door. "Any plans for tomorrow?" Kate asks him still holding onto his hand.

"Do it again?" Rick asks.

"Go to another ball game?" Kate was a little surprised.

"Unless you don't want to." Rick backed off his suggestion.

"No it's not that, another game would be nice. I'd love to go." Kate loved baseball.

"Great! …. Can we get different seats this time?" Rick liked the location, but they were kind of far away.

"Sit somewhere closer you mean?" Kate tried to guess why the reason.

"We can still get hot dogs and beer, right." It wasn't a baseball game without the two.

Kate giggled. "Yes, with hot dogs and beer. Same time tomorrow?"

"I'll be here. Thanks Kate, it was fun." Rick had actually had a blast.

"I noticed." Kate was smiling, then grabbed his t-shirt and pulled him down and kissed him.

"Night Rick, I'll see you tomorrow." And Kate let go of him.

"Till tomorrow Kate." Rick responded and watched Kate walk away headed for the stairs.

The walk home was easy and Kate was smiling the entire way. "Hi mom." Alexis called from the living room as soon as Kate cleared the door, watching her reset the alarm.

"Hi pumpkin." Kate was still smiling and she knew it.

"I take it the date went well?" Alexis could see her mom smiling wide.

Kate moved over to sit next to her. "It did yes. It was a different Rick I haven't seen before. He came alive and was yelling and cheering. … We lost by the way, 5-1." Kate was bummed about that.

"AND?" Alexis pressed.

"That was it, baseball game, hot dogs, beer, it was nice. He wants to do it again tomorrow." Kate tells her.

"So another date tomorrow." Alexis questions her mother.

"Yeah, do it again tomorrow. He wants to sit somewhere different this time. We were way out in center field this time. It came with all you can eat food." Kate explains.

"Well I'm glad you had fun. Hopefully you won't get called in tomorrow." Alexis tells her.

"Oh, I forgot to warn him of that. Hopefully that won't happen. … where's Alexander?" Thinking nursery as soon as she asked.

"I fed him about an hour ago, he's upstairs sleeping last time I looked." And Alexis pointed to the baby monitor sitting on the coffee table.

"I'm going to go upstairs and check on him and call Rick to warn him about tomorrow's possible cancellation." Kate tells her. "Good night pumpkin, I love you." Kate kisses Alexis's head.

"Night mom, I love you too." Alexis responds and watches Kate go up the stairs.

Kate had Alexander in her arms sitting in the glider rocker when she called Rick to warn him of the possibility of having to cancel.

He sounded disappointed, but Kate reminded him it was just a possibility. She wasn't calling to actually cancel.

Next came pumping since her breasts hurt.

Kate was in bed blinking her eyes open, when her mind finally registered the sound of Alexander fussing over the baby monitor.

"I'm coming handsome, I'm coming." Kate rolls out of bed and rubs her face. Yeah, he needed to grow at least a little older so he would sleep the entire night.

Alexis was up and dressed and went to check on Alexander only to find his room empty. It got her to smile knowing exactly where he was now.

Alexis went downstairs and started the coffee machine while pulling out items to make waffles and scrambled eggs.

Soon enough Alexis heard. "Morning pumpkin." As Kate sat at the breakfast bar.

Alexis turned to see her mother sitting there with her hair a mess and all over the place. She looked tired and had Alexander in her arms who was awake and had his eyes everywhere. Just mostly on his mother.

"Morning mom, I assume Alex slept with you again?" Alexis turned back to her cooking.

Alexis soon felt her mother walk past her headed for the coffee machine. "Yeah he got me up around 4:00 and I just kept him. There are more bottles in the refrigerator for later."

"Another ballgame with Rick?" Alexis already knew this, just wondered if the plans had changed.

"Yeah, it should be fun and different. Might actually come home with a foul ball this time." Kate was smiling. "That reminds me I need to order tickets. Has the new laptop arrived yet?"

Alexis shook her head. "It should show up some time today."

"I'll be right back pumpkin." And Kate headed for the study to use Castle's old laptop.

Kate sat down at his desk. "Just think Alexander, your daddy used to sit here and write his books on this very same computer. Are you a writer? Or a baseball player? Maybe an actor? A struggling artist maybe? Whatever it is you're going to get all the support your family can give you. Which reminds me I need to set up a college fund like the one Castle created for Alexis."

Kate turned on the computer and started searching. Stub hub had tickets in section 25 in row 5. "Where is that? …. Even with the third base bag right behind the third base dugout. NICE! …. Maybe we will get a foul ball this time."

Kate bought them and waited for the confirmation, and then printed them out and took them with her back to the kitchen.

Kate found waffles and scrambled eggs waiting for her so Kate put Alexander in his carrier. "Thanks pumpkin." Kate dropped some blueberries on her waffle and poured out some syrup. "Have you thought about which college to attend?"

"Not much beyond narrowing it down to those two. It would be nice to visit them before I commit to one, just not sure if that is going to be possible. … Didn't you go to Stanford?" Alexis answers her question with one of her own.

"I did, but I wasn't there long, I transferred right after mom was killed." Kate confirms with a caveat. "And I was in law school not medical school. I can tell you a little about the campus and what you'll see, just nothing about your teachers. And things have likely changed since I've been there."

"I just don't know. I mean Oxford is one of the premier medical schools, while Stanford is right behind it. And living and learning in England has an appeal to it that Stanford doesn't." Alexis was conflicted.

"Have you looked up where Oxford actually is?" Kate asks, thinking that might help.

"I have, it's about a 2 hour drive northwest of downtown London." Alexis answers thinking that was actually a con instead of a pro.

"I have actually, there is a train between the two several times a day. A lot of trains actually. It's about a one hour trip. I can get a rail card to help reduce the costs and get a monthly pass so I can travel whenever I want. I can even get an Interrail pass to travel all of Europe." Alexis explains some of what she has learned.

"Sounds like a no-brainer to me." Kate didn't see the reason to choose between the two.

"Maybe, but Stanford is still in the States. I could still fly home easier." Alexis counters.

"Easier!? … Pumpkin, flights between here and San Francisco are likely to go through Chicago, I don't see how that makes anything easier. One good winter storm while you are trying to fly home for Christmas and you'll find yourself still in Chicago come New Years.

Oxford may mean having to go through customs each way, but if you leave enough of your clothes behind, you can travel with just a carry-on. And it's what, … a 2 hour train trip to Paris. From there you could easily go countless places. Brussels, Amsterdam, Rome, Berlin." Those were just the places Kate could think of off the top of her head.

"A little work and you could come home almost fluent in French, German or Italian maybe. And maybe you find a job there somewhere after you graduate. Maybe even find yourself one of those hot Italian guys." Kate was smiling while pushing Alexis in her shoulder.

It got Alexis to blush, she had never thought of that.

"Maybe even this boyfriend lives in Venice and has a boat. You could live in Venice. Alexander and I could come visit and take boat rides. … Hhhmmm, a romantic gondola ride while being sung to. NOW THAT is the life." Kate could just picture it.

"**MOM!?"** Her mother was talking about her possible sex life and started blushing furiously.

"WHAT? It could happen. … Listening to his sexy Italian accent, while he treats you like a queen. Buys you gifts to woo you. Places kisses all over your body, ..."

**"MOM!?" **Alexis needed her to stop.

Kate was grinning at her discomfort. "Trust me, having him kiss every square inch of your body is something that shouldn't be missed. Just make sure the guy you choose knows how to treat you right. It's not all about his satisfaction.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner for two, it's not over until you both get your cookies. As many times as possible preferably" Kate tells her smiling.

"TMI mom, way too much TMI." It got Kate to start laughing, knowing she would learn eventually.


	10. Chapter 10

**CH10 (31)**

I'm on chapter 21 at present so I'm going to increase the rate that i update this story. You're welcome!

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Kate was still chuckling hours later. Alexis had retreated to her bedroom for most of the day. Kate had enjoyed having a little fun at her daughter's expense.

Kate had pulled out her phone and talked with Steve about starting a college fund for Alexander. Put a million dollars in it initially and let it grow. Set it up just like Alexis's, the money could only be used for his college expenses.

One million dollars! Kate knew that barely dented the amount of money Castle had left her. Half of it was working to make her even more money and she didn't have access to it except for every quarter when she received something in the mail allowing her to get out if she wanted.

Kate had already set up an automatic rental payment for Rick's apartment. Kate had created an account for his phone, power and gas bill that allowed her access to his account so she could make payments.

Kate had known Castle had money, just not this kind of money. Alexis had gotten the majority of it, and Kate was tempted to give her at least half of what Castle had given her. Then Alexander came along and she changed her mind.

He was going to learn about money but wasn't going to grow up wanting.

Kate had finished nursing Alexander when Kate knocked on Alexis's door. "I'm leaving to pick up Rick for our baseball game."

Alexis opened the door shortly after that. "I've also fed him and pumped a little. He's sleeping in his crib at the moment."

"We'll be fine mom, go have fun." Alexis also wanted to hear everything about it.

"I'm sorry if I teased to hard pumpkin. I just want to make sure you choose the right guy. Someone who loves you for you. Pays attention to you and doesn't just use you. That's not love." Kate hugs her.

"I know mom, it's just embarrassing listening to my mother talking about the joys of sex." It got Kate to start chuckling again.

"Just remember, if he doesn't treat you nice, I'll shoot him." Kate jokes, getting Alexis to giggle with her.

"I'll be home late so no need to wait up, then we can go into work together." Kate kisses the top of her head and heads for the front door.

The walk to Rick's apartment was easy and Kate was soon knocking on his door, getting Rick to open quickly. "Ready? I've already got the tickets." Kate holds up the 8-1/2 x 11 sheets of paper that had their tickets on them.

"More than ready." Rick was grinning. Exiting his apartment and locking the door.

Kate immediately took his hand and could feel Rick's fingers intertwine with hers and squeeze lightly.

There was a train already sitting there waiting when they got there so Kate started running dragging Rick behind her. Slipping in just before the doors closed.

Like the day before there were only a few people on the train in their car so they had seats. Kate kept Rick's hand as they passed through station after station.

"WOW! Right down on the field and we're on the 'Front row'." Rick turned to grin holding his one hot dog and a beer, just like Kate was doing. It got Kate to smile and it was all she could do not to start laughing. It was the WAY he said "Front row" that got her going.

Kate flagged down the popcorn and soda guy in the fourth inning.

Today's game was with the Oakland Athletics again and it had a lot more action. Rick again spent the game moaning each time the A's scored or got hits and cheered when the Yankees finally did something right.

"Do they always lose?" Rick was moaning on the walk to the subway station. The Yankees had lost 10-5. While the Yankees had looked better it was still ugly.

It got Kate to chuckle. "No, it's just that the A's are on a roll at the moment which makes it bad timing for the Yankees."

Like yesterday the subway station was packed with people trying to get home from the game.

It only took 3 trains this time before Rick and Kate squeezed into the car. Rick had his arms around Kate while Kate had her arms around his neck looking up into his brilliant green eyes that she was soon swimming in.

Kate could see him smiling down at her which got her smiling back. They were like this for a number of stops, getting jostled around as people worked to get off at their stop.

Kate hailed a taxi for the trip to Rick's apartment. Kate stopped just outside the door. "I don't know when my next days off are, so you have time to think about what you want to do next time. Though one of them is going to be taking you shopping for better clothes.

You want that job you need to dress for success. … Oh and we need to get you a printer for your laptop. I've arranged for the cable company to come out and hook up your TV tomorrow, so be here between 1:00 pm and 4:00 pm to let them in." Kate tells him trying to stare at his chest instead of losing herself in his eyes again.

"I've had a blast Kate, You're extraordinary. I have no idea how I'm going to thank you for all you've done." Rick was grateful for everything.

Kate looked up into his eyes. "I'll think of something." Smiling.

"I look forward to anything you have in mind." Rick smiled back and slowly lowered his head with the intent of kissing her.

Kate could feel her pulse quicken and her heart was pounding in her chest as she lifted up on her toes to kiss him. They tried to stroke each other's lower lip at the same time and were soon searching each other's mouth.

Kate could feel his hands wandering around her back till resting on her hips pulling her in close.

Kate's hands hand worked their way up his chest till they were wrapped around his neck with one hand running through his hair holding his head down, forcing his lips against hers.

Kate soon heard Rick moan into the kiss as Kate lost herself into the kiss. Kate broke from the kiss only long enough to get in some much needed air before kissing him again.

It had been a while since she had felt like this, and the way he kissed was so very familiar.

This time Rick broke from the kiss and moved his lips to her neck and soon bit her lightly followed by washing his tongue over the area to take the pain away. This time it was Kate who was moaning.

This had to stop, it was too soon. Just too soon. Using the last of her will power Kate planted her hands on his chest and pushed lightly.

His bright green eyes were now dark green, betting that her eyes were even darker. "I have work in the morning." Kate tells him, working to create space between them.

"You need something, you call me." Kate started to back up. Then Kate dove back in and fisted her hands in his shirt and pulled him down to kiss him again.

Breaking from the kiss. "Night Rick." And Kate retreated before she did something she might regret later.

Sure enough the loft was dark when she got home. Kate decided to check on her little man anyway, just to be sure. Kate decided to stay and moved a chair over to the crib so she could watch him sleep.

Then the alarm panel on the wall demanded her attention. Kate was up instantly to look at the video display, there were two men outside the hallway doing something to the door lock.

One of them had a device in his hand with wires leading to the door lock, then he pulled the wires and the other guy placed something on the lock.

Both men back up a step or two and pulled out what looked like MP-5's. Suddenly Kate could hear a small bang followed by a little cloud of smoke. Kate pressed the button that would discharge the bottle, that instantly started spraying tear gas out into the hallway.

Kate moved over to the closet in the nursery and pressed her finger on the gun safe and pulled out the Glock 23 Gen4 that fired a .40 caliber bullet and had a clip that held 15 rounds.

Kate went out into the hallway and got down on the floor and crawled her way to the railing overlooking the area below and pulled out her phone.

Kate had just unlocked her phone when the two guys entered her home coughing and hacking from the tear gas. Kate pressed the button that activated the alarm and then lined up her weapon on the two guys in her home.

They were trying to get further into her home while hacking and coughing as the tear gas fog was finding its way in through the open front door.

"NYPD, weapons down!" Kate yelled out, only to watch them raise them and look around.

The door next to Kate opened and Alexis was in the doorway. "What's going on?" Alexis's question was answered by both of them raising their weapons and opening fire on full auto, putting holes in the wall above Kate.

Alexis cried out and fell to the ground. "Alexis!?" Kate could see blood.

Kate turned back around and put her first three rounds in one of the guys chest. Nice close grouping and watched him drop like a stone.

The other guy redirected his fire and the bullets hit the walkway just below her position. Kate's next three rounds hit him in the chest with an equally nice grouping and he also dropped like a stone.

"Alexis!" Kate crawled over to her and looked her over. "OH GOD NO! PLEASE!"

Kate put a finger to her neck and found a pulse. Kate pulled out her phone. "This is Kate Castle, badge number 41319. I need units and an ambulance I have an officer down." And Kate gave them her address and then dropped the phone.

"Katherine?" Martha stepped out into the hallway. "OH NO!" Martha moved down to the floor with both of them.

"She's alive Martha, I need to see where she's been hit." Kate cast her weapon aside and started searching her body.

Kate carefully started to lift certain sections since Alexis was lying on her stomach. Kate could tell she was unconscious. "It's her shoulder somewhere." Kate comments.

Kate picks up her phone and presses the button to turn on the fan to clear the hallway of the tear gas so that the responders could reach them.

"I don't see an exit wound. … Martha get me the first-aid kit." Kate asks of her and watches her go.

Kate picks up her phone again. "Espo two armed men broke in using explosives, Alexis has been hit. … I need help Espo!" Kate's voice was cracking as she started crying. "Thanks Espo." And Kate dropped the phone.

Martha came back with the first-aid kit and Kate opened it and started pulling out what she wanted and started cleaning up the wound to her shoulder and pulled out some packing and applied pressure.

"Martha go downstairs and check on the doorman and get the response units to come up here. … Go Martha." Kate yelled and instantly regretted it, but she was scared.

It took a few minutes and the first of the officers enters through the front door and checks on the two dead guys on the ground floor. "Up here!" Kate yells out.

Kate is soon joined by two uniformed officers as she watches two more enter the front door.

"I'm detective Castle with the 12th, she's alive but took a round in the shoulder." Kate tells them.

One uses his mic attached at the shoulder to call it in while the other calls down to have the EMT's escorted up here.

Martha shows up with the EMT's who take their gurney up the stairs with them.

"She has a round in the shoulder, I've cleaned it some and been applying pressure. She's my daughter." Kate tells them and is forced to back off and let them work.

Kate is breathing heavy trying to hold the panic at bay as she stands off to one side holding onto Martha.

The uniforms help the EMT's get the gurney down the stairs and tell Kate where they will be taking her.

Kate follows them downstairs and watch them load her into the ambulance and then hears the twirp twirp of a Charger approach and stop, seeing Espo and Ryan jump out.

"Castle?" They both step up to her.

"There were 2 of them. They blew the door open. Alexis took a round in the shoulder.

I need you to handle everything here Espo, Martha and I will be going to the hospital." Kate asks of him.

"On it, I'm not leaving until you get back." And Espo goes into the building.

Kate watches the doorman being loaded into the other ambulance that the uniforms who arrived first had called.

Ryan started to go inside, however Kate stopped him. "Ryan, I need a favor."

"Just tell me Castle, and it's not a favor. I'd already be doing it if I knew what it was." Ryan knew he would do anything she needed.

"I need you to go to 188 6th Ave., Apt. 2RN. You'll find one Richard Carlisle there. I need you to bring him to the hospital for me.

Please don't ask questions Ryan." Kate asked of him worried what he would think and if it would get out to her friends. Kate would tell them one day, just didn't want it to be today.

"Then I need you to find out who these two are and who sent them. Start digging Ryan, they shot my daughter and could have killed her, me, Martha and Alexander. I want him!" Kate was suddenly mad. Someone was after her family.

"Got it." And Ryan heads for the Charger he just arrived in.

Kate went back upstairs and picked up Alexander. "Hi handsome, you need to come with me." Kate picks him up amazed that he still hasn't cried. Kate picked up the travel baby bag and went downstairs and joined Martha.

"We're going to the hospital Martha, Espo will handle everything here." Kate tells her. "She is alive Martha." Seeing Martha was still in a state of shock.

"You two need to go, I'll be here till you get back." Espo tells them.

Kate had Alexander in the car seat that was carried down to the charger. "Martha?" Kate reached across to her while driving.

"I'll be fine dear, Alexis will be fine." Kate however could feel her shaking. Martha was crumbling not that Kate was that far behind her.

Kate parked her cruiser where police could park and took Alexander out of his car seat, grabbed the baby bag and went inside with Martha.

"I'm detective Katherine Castle." Kate showed her ID. "I'm here for one Alexis Castle, my daughter."

Kate was forced to wait only to be told she was in surgery and directed to the waiting room.

Kate and Martha had been sitting only for a few minutes when Alexander put up a fuss. "Now is not a good time young man. …. Oooo, someone needs his diaper changed doesn't he." Kate coos at him.

"We'll be right back Martha." Kate grabs the baby bag and heads for the women's restroom.

"Oooo, stinky diaper. You scared too? Your big sister will be fine." Kate coos at him and rubs her nose across his and then looks into his eyes. Castle's beautiful bright blue eyes. "She has to be fine, she has to be." Kate blinks back the tears.

Wipe, oil, powder, diaper, onsie. "There all better. … Yes, your mommy is scared, just don't tell anyone." Kate picks him up and grabs the baby bag.

Kate is stepping out into the waiting room. "KATE!" Rick jumps up off of a chair only a couple of chairs away from Martha.

"RICK!" Now Kate remembers what she had asked Ryan to do. Kate had thought he deserved to be here, but this was not how she wanted him to find out about Alexander.

"I was told Alexis was shot." Rick steps right up to Kate.

"Hi Rick. Two guys broke into our home and shot up the place. Alexis took a round in her shoulder. She's in surgery." Kate explains.

"They broke in and started firing? … Why?" Rick was falling in love with Kate and he liked Alexis. She was special somehow, even if he didn't understand why.

"She'll be fine, please tell me she'll be fine." Kate could see the pain on his face. He really did care.

"She is alive, now we're waiting for her to get out of surgery." Kate was feeling better with Rick standing close to her.

"I had hoped for you to find out under better circumstances, but this is my son, …

ALEXANDER." Kate and Rick say at the same time.

Kate instantly had a look of shock and her mouth fell open. She knew for a fact that she hadn't told him and knew that Alexis's hadn't either. Had Ryan told him maybe?

"He looks like an Alexander." Rick shrugs his shoulders. And yet he was certain of it before he even said it. "He's a handsome little guy." Rick stroked a finger across his face and smiled at him.

Alexander responded by smiling at him and gurgling up bubbles, while trying to grab his finger. "How old is the little guy?" Rick asks her while playing with his hand trying to help him grab his finger.

"A little short of 4 months." While Kate's mouth hangs open. Alexander always has been a happy boy, but this is the first stranger Alexander had seen since meeting Ryan, Espo and Lanie, and those 3 didn't get this kind of reaction.

And Rick was still playing with him getting him to keep smiling and then started squirming in Kate's arms while playing with Rick's finger.

"Can I?" Rick held out his arms.

"Sure." Kate hands him over carefully.

"Hi young man, aren't you a handsome little guy." Rick talks into his face, having Alexander try and grab his lips while smiling at him.

"We can sit down." Kate offers and guides them over to Martha. Might as well face the music.

"Rick, this is Martha Rogers. Martha this is Richard Carlisle. We've been, …. we've, … we've been dating recently and Alexis likes him so I had Ryan go get him." Kate explains.

"It's a pleasure Mrs. Rogers." Rick smiles at her and offers his only free hand.

Martha is lost in his big brilliant green eyes. They're the wrong color but she sees, … something. Did Katherine see it too. "Please call me Martha, Mrs. Rogers makes me sound old." Martha takes his hand still trapped in his eyes. Not seeing the smirk on Kate's face that Martha was seeing what she sees.

"I'm Rick or Richard if you prefer." Rick offers.

Now Martha had a problem. Her son was Richard and this good looking guy with her son's eyes was also Richard.

Kate sat down next to Rick who still had Alexander and was still playing with him when Kate could see Martha looking at her. It looked like she had a lot of questions.

Kate was in big trouble now.


	11. Chapter 11

**CH11 (32)**

Rick was still holding Alexander and had been cooing at him while playing with his hand and an occasional funny face. Kate had made no attempt at taking Alexander back from Rick. Kate just sat there and watched Rick with her son.

Time seemed to fly by somehow. "Castle family?" That got all of them to snap their heads up.

Kate was up in a heartbeat leaving the others behind, no longer thinking of them. "Kate Castle, she's my daughter." Kate searched his face for anything.

"I'm Dr. Campbell, your daughter is out of surgery. She is in serious but stable condition. We removed a single bullet from her shoulder. The bullet had done some damage to her collar bone and caused a fairly large fracture.

We've repaired the fracture and removed all of the splinters. There was also some damage to the muscle tissue in that area. Unfortunately we were forced to remove part of this muscle mass. That arm will be weak for the remainder of her life.

Dedicated physical therapy should limit that to some degree. The rest of the damage was done to soft tissue that she should recover from without any long term affects.

She is however going to have a nice scar in that area. It will likely fade over time, but she will see it if she looks for it." Dr. Campbell stops.

"Can we see here?" Kate wanted to see her. Her heart needed to know she was alright.

"We are presently moving her to her bed and getting her situated. She will likely remain unconscious for several hours. Her pain medication will keep her asleep and when she does wake it will not likely be for long. She may not even retain memory of having woken.

I'll send a nurse to come get you when she is settled. She'll be fine, just a little worse for wear." Dr. Campbell leaves them.

"Oh thank god!" Martha starts breathing again.

They are all seated again waiting for the nurse with Alexander still in Rick's arms who was still trying his best to get Alexander to smile at him. When Kate's phone started singing "Hot in the city".

Kate answered it quickly swearing she was going to shoot Alexis as soon as she was better. "Castle."

"Hey Castle, I thought I should call. The FBI is in your home and has taken over the case of your break-in." Espo tells her.

"FBI! … Why?" Why would the FBI be involved, that made no sense.

"I don't know they are as tight lipped as ever, however your boy is here with them." Espo tells her.

My boy? Who was my boy? Castle was gone and Rick was sitting next to her, not that Espo knew about Rick. Knowing Ryan wouldn't talk.

Kate's silence must have been enough for Espo. "FBI agent Will Sorenson is here." Espo had unmistakeable venom in his voice. Espo wasn't a fan of the FBI to start with; Sorenson was at the bottom of the list.

Will was in her home? What the hell was he doing there? "Find out what the hell is going on Espo, call Montgomery if you have to.

And Espo, Alexis is out of surgery. They're going to let us see her soon. They say she will be fine." Kate tells him.

"Good to hear Castle, just take care of your girl. Ryan and I have got this." Espo assures her.

Kate hangs up the phone. "Katherine?" Martha wanted to know what was going on, especially if it involved her granddaughter.

"The FBI is in our home and have taken over the case." Kate explains.

Martha was shocked, what did the FBI have to do with anything?

"Did they ID them already and find out they're from another country?" Rick offers up a possible answer.

Kate looked at him, his memory loss seemed to be rather selective. He doesn't remember people and yet he called Alexis, pumpkin and Rick knew Alexander's name, but hasn't shown that he remembers her.

However Castle had been so scared of pushing her too far, afraid that she would run, and she would have too. And that only hurt what could have been even more. Would he have gone on that tour if they had been together earlier? Would he have canceled? Damn What-if's. She had been so stupid.

Kate looked into his eyes. A_re you in there Castle? I'm not running this time. I promise!_

"I don't know Rick, the boys will find out and call me." Kate had faith in Espo and Ryan.

Then a heavy set black lady entered. "Castle?" It got all of them to stand. "If you'll come with me."

She led them all through the door she came through and escorted them to where Alexis was.

Kate was forced to stop and immediately started crying. Alexis had always looked pale with her orangeish/red hair, but now she was downright white as a ghost.

There was a tube under her nose, tubes out of her arm. Kate couldn't even see her shoulder with all the wrapping.

Kate moved slowly forward, barely hearing the others behind her. Kate touched her hand but dared not move it since it was on the same side as her injury. Kate leaned in real close and kissed her cheek. "I'm so sorry pumpkin, so very sorry." Kate whispered ever so softly.

Kate was the cop and they were probably there for her, whatever the reason. Alexis was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and took a bullet meant for her.

Rick had handed off Alexander to Martha and moved in behind Kate and pulled her up and had Kate spin so she was facing him. Kate wrapped her arms around Rick and buried her head in his shoulder and started crying in heartbreaking sobs.

Rick was rubbing circles on her back that Kate would have recognized if she had consciously noticed what he was doing.

Martha was staring at the two of them. Katherine was involved with this man who was doing just what her son would be doing now. Consoling the woman he loved. So just who was this Richard? Just how long had Katherine been keeping him a secret? And why? Did she really think that Martha wouldn't approve?

It took a few minutes but Kate finally stopped crying and just held onto Rick, till it finally occurred to her that Martha would want time with her granddaughter.

Kate straightened up and wiped away the tears and let go of Rick and moved over to Martha to take Alexander from her. Then Kate headed for the waiting room to allow Martha some time with Alexis. Not noticing that Rick didn't follow.

Rick had tried to retreat out of site of both of them, allowing Martha moved in next to the bed. Martha's walls were falling apart on her. She had lost her son and now her granddaughter is in the hospital and has never looked this bad before.

Martha did her best not to disturb her shoulder and she stroked her hand down her face. "Hi kiddo, you need to get better. You're the only blood I have left. I can't outlive everyone." Martha watched her tears fall onto Alexis who didn't move.

"Please dear, don't leave us." Martha needed to leave while she could still stand.

Back in the waiting room Martha found Kate holding her son, her head up against the wall behind her, crying.

Martha sat next to her. "I should resign, I'm the cause of this. You're family was fine until I came along." Kate tells her through her crying.

"Katherine you are not the cause of this." Martha didn't want to hear it.

"I'm the cop and they were there to kill me. Those two weren't high school or college killers. Alexis wasn't who they were after. I did something and they were after me." It was the first time Kate was sorry she became a cop.

"Katherine, you are not the cause of this. You have spent years trying to rid this city of people just like those two. There are countless families that are alive right now that neither of us will ever know about because of you.

What would Richard say to you if he was here? It wouldn't be to give up I know that much. And this new Richard that you have found, what would he say?" Martha didn't know him, but Kate brought him here because she cared. Kate wanted his support, and what was it about his eyes?

Kate had listened. "Where is Rick?" Kate looked around. Was this just too much for him? Kate couldn't blame him; she was still messed up and had kept secrets. Except it was meant not to scare him away.

Rick moved into the room after everyone had left. Rick ran his hand up along Alexis's arm and felt his heart rate increase as he did. However he didn't see the goosebumps on Alexis's arm that were left behind.

Rick was taller so it was easier for him to lean over Alexis and push a few stray hairs away, watching Alexis give a soft moan. "Hi pumpkin, I don't know who I am, but I need you to get better. It hurts my heart to see you like this. How are you supposed to help me if you don't get better?"

_I know her, I know I do. And yet I don't. It's all so confusing. I'm groping around in a swamp filled with fog. Somehow Alexis knows how to fix this, I feel like she can. Kate is involved too somehow. If I lose one of them, do I lose me too?_

Rick leans down to kiss her forehead and not notice a couple of tears fall from his face and land on her cheek. Then Rick hurries away to get back into the waiting room. Rick could feel something pulling him. Kate needed him.

In his hurry he missed Alexis mouth the word, "DAD".

Rick enters the waiting room and saw Kate in Martha's arms, she looked to be crying. Rick walked over to both of them and got down on his knees in front of Kate. "What Kate?"

Kate looked out at him and into his eyes. The eyes that had gotten her attention in the first place. _He was here! He hadn't run!_ "I, … " Kate couldn't finish and simply used her hand to stroke his face.

"Katherine is thinking of resigning. For some reason she thinks she is the cause of this." Martha explains. Martha didn't know who this Richard was, but Katherine seemed to care and that was enough for her.

"WHAT? Absolutely not! …. Kate don't even think it. You're a homicide detective. Not a lawyer, not a model, not a doctor. YOU are a homicide detective and if you resign who is going to find out who did this to that sweet, precious girl in there?" Rick couldn't believe this. Now he was glad he came out here.

Rick stood up. "Stand up Kate." Rick used his hands to help Kate stand in front of him. "Now give me Alexander." Rick moves his arms in to take Alexander from her.

Rick has Alexander in his arms. "Hi handsome, you know your handsome don't you. I'll just bet you do." Rick coos at him while playing with his hand, watching Alexander smile up at him.

Kate is smiling at this picture feeling her heart mending while Martha has her mouth hanging open.

Kate had been scared of Rick finding out she had a baby in addition to Alexis. He hadn't run when he found out about Alexis and he wasn't running when he found out about Alexander. Most men would run and not look back.

"Now take out your phone and start making calls and find out who did this. And find out why there are FBI guys in your home." Rick tries to sound commanding. "Are there bottles in that bag?"

Kate nods her head. "Good, now get to work. Find out who did this. Martha and I will be here for both of them. … Now would be a good time Kate." Rick points out.

It got Kate to smile and leaned in to give Rick a quick kiss to his lips, then pull out her phone and walk away.

Rick sat down next to Martha and went back to playing with Alexander's hand. "You know what to do with babies, right?" Rick looked at Martha, since he had no clue.

Kate called up Espo. "Hi Espo are the FBI still there?"

"Castle, they are thick in here. There isn't any place they haven't gone and Sorenson is being tight lipped about everything. I know they used a small explosive to blow your lock off. There is presently no way to secure your front door." Espo was ready to shoot someone.

"How's Alexis?" Espo needed to hear some good news.

"Alexis is resting comfortably. The doctor said she will recover but lose some strength in that arm, permanently. … They shot her Espo, they shot my girl." Kate couldn't hold the tears back.

"We'll find out who sent them Castle, we will and we will make them bleed." Espo had a new mission. Kate had lost Castle which was bad enough, but these two could have taken everyone she had left. He was going to make them pay.

"Is Ryan there yet?" Kate asks knowing he had dropped off Rick and then left.

Espo saw him walking in. "Just got here."

"I'll be right there, call in some uniforms Espo, all you can lay your hands on. The FBI are going to talk to us or we're going to shoot them. This is my case, not the FBI. They shot my girl." Kate hangs up on him and walks back to Rick and Martha.

"I'm going to the loft. The FBI has decided to take over this case for some reason. This is my case and I want who shot our girl." Kate tells them.

"Go do your job Katherine, we'll be here and take care of Alexander. We'll call if she wakes up." Martha stands and hugs her. This was the Katherine she knew.

Kate moves to stand in front of Rick who was sitting with Alexander in his arms. "I'll be back, don't go anywhere." Kate bends down and kisses him soundly. Then kisses Alexander on his forehead. "You be a good boy, mommy will be back soon." Then strokes his head.

Rick and Martha watch Kate stride in long strides for the doors and her car.

Martha had seen that look before. That was Katherine on a mission. Someone was going to get hurt.

Martha turns to look at Rick. "So Richard, …." Martha had questions.

Espo has made it over to Ryan. "Castle is coming here and she's on the war path. She asked for us to call in all the uniforms we can come up with."

It got Ryan to smile. Castle was going to kick some ass, someone had gone too far and why are there so damn many FBI people in her home?

Ryan pulled out his phone and started calling in favors. Most of the ones he knew were in the 12th and in narcotics where he still had people who owed him one.

Espo also knew a few from the 12th but he also had a few that owed him a favor from the 54th where he used to be assigned.

30 minutes later there were so many cars out front Kate couldn't even make it to the underground parking garage of her building.

Kate found 2 uniforms guarding the entrance to the building. Still 2 more on the elevator with 2 more when she stepped off.

The door to her home was still open and Kate stepped inside and was suddenly shocked. The 9 FBI guys were easy to spot. Clean cut men in suits that were all over the place. There were also at least 20 or more NYPD in the room. Some were in uniforms while others were in plain clothes.

"Castle." Espo had spotted her. Espo got Ryan's attention and together they walked over.

"There are 2 more on each of the floors including the roof." Espo tells her.

It got Kate to smile with pride, she loved these two. They were almost like family. "Where's Sorenson?" Kate was going to rip him a new one. Espo just pointed.

"Stand ready, they are talking or they leave in ambulances after talking." Kate tells them both.

Kate strode over to Sorenson who was talking to one of the other FBI men in her home. "Will."

"Kate. … I heard someone was hit when they entered, I'm glad it wasn't you." Will placed his hand on her upper arm.

Kate stared at his hand then turned to stare at Will, _Remove your hand or lose it permanently_, in her eyes.

It wasn't the reception Will was expecting. It got Will to remove his hand. "We heard there were 2 men headed this way and I drove out to see you personally to warn you." Will tells her, thinking she would approve of his personal touch.

"YOU KNEW! … You knew and didn't call me to warn me. You came here to see me, personally?" What the hell was he thinking?

"Kate, …." Will is interrupted by Kate.

"YOU GOD DAMN KNEW, … and decided to come see me? They shot my daughter Will. MY DAUGHTER! …. And you could have phoned to warn me and have prevented all of this. MY GOD WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" Kate was furious and already had her hand on her weapon.

"I heard that Castle was dead and I thought I would, …." Will is interrupted by Kate again.

"My husband is dead and you what? Thought you could just waltz right back into my life by showing up to PERSONALLY save us." Oh Kate was beyond furious now.

"They shot my daughter because you thought you could take my husband's place? YOU, … you, ..." Kate didn't have words, it was too much!

"You and your FBI buddies are going to tell me everything, got it. Absolutely everything. Or you and your FBI buddies are leaving here in body bags. Now start talking Will. …. And don't think I won't. My daughter is in the hospital because of you.

You're out of my life and you're staying that way. Even when you were here last time I was already in love with Castle, I was just too stupid to admit it. And your testosterone attitude only solidified it. The only one you give a damn about is you.

Now, order your FBI buddies to hand over their weapons and unless it has escaped your notice, you are way out numbered. There are even more units outside. So there is no place for you to go." Kate didn't want any trouble, but Will had gone way too far.

Kate could see his Adam's Apple moving. "NOW!"

Will didn't have to tell them anything, they willingly handed over their weapons, having heard every word Kate had yelled. After that Kate personally took Will's weapon from him and then turned him around and shoved him to bend over the dining room table, and pulled out his FBI identification.

"ESPO!" Kate calls out and tosses Will's ID to him. "Burn that." Kate glares at Will.

"Divide up and interrogate them, I want to know everything they do. Everything!" Kate calls out and waves Ryan over. "I don't care if they are FBI, CIA, NSA or any other A. They knew and did nothing" Kate calls out.

"Then arrest them for withholding information that lead directly to property damage as well as the shooting of my daughter. After that I'll take all of them into civil court and sue their sorry asses. The bunch of them are lucky they didn't kill her. I can't believe the stupidity of the FBI." Kate was going to have someone's head before this was over. And she knew just who to start with.

"NOW, start talking Will before I castrate you without anesthesia." Kate wanted answers. "And then you are going to disappear and pray I never see you again, ever."


	12. Chapter 12

**CH12 (33)**

Kate had watched Ryan cuff Will's hands behind his back. Kate wanted him booked and put in holding and he was going to do just that. One of the uniforms had gone with him while two more were following behind them in their cruiser.

Kate was just finishing listening to what the plain clothes guys had gotten out of the other FBI men. Still more uniforms had taken them away, however they left without being cuffed.

It became clear that Sorenson and his superior were behind all of this. They had been selected as back-up to support Sorenson and gather information.

They even knew the names of the men that were sent long before they ever got here. They had let them come to allow the person who hired him hang himself so that he could be moved to a more private holding area.

Espo was taking his leave of Kate and her home. He was going to follow Ryan into the precinct, he and Ryan were going to explain things to Sorenson. There were still uniforms all over the building and were going to stay all night long if necessary.

Kate had retreated to the study room and sat down in Castle's chair. Kate had all the information from Will and the other 9 FBI guys. Now just what does she do with it?

Kate pulled out her phone, she had two people to call. Kate was going to make someone pay.

It only took 45 minutes for the first one to arrive. He was escorted into the study by a uniformed officer. "Hi Steve, have a seat, we're just waiting for one more person." Kate tells him.

It was only another 20 minutes for the next person to show up. He however was not escorted into the room. "Have a seat. Steve this is Captain Roy Montgomery, this is my lawyer Steve." Kate introduces both of them.

This told both of them that this might be big.

"For Steve's benefit, we'll start at the beginning. My mother was murdered because she got too close to someone and what he had done. With a lot of work, he was arrested about a year ago and is still awaiting trial.

However he is a very powerful man who had, and apparently still has, access to hired killers to keep his secrets. It was all over the news when he was arrested. He's barely even mentioned these days.

I was the one that had him arrested and destroyed his future and all his plans. Seems he is being held and monitored 24 hours a day. Naturally his conversations with his lawyer are not monitored. However his lawyer is also monitored 24 hours a day.

The FBI found out that this lawyer had hired two of these hired killers to come here and take out my family while I was forced to watch and then be left alive so that I would be forced to live with it.

The FBI guy in charge, a Robert Matteson, instructed another FBI guy, a certain Will Sorenson to allow them to break into my home to show intent to kill and then rush in and arrest them.

This Will Sorenson happens to be an old boyfriend, who decided he wanted to get back together with me now that my husband is dead, and I've had a year of grieving his loss.

As directed by this Robert Matteson it was decided that I was not to be contacted to warn me of these 2 hired killers coming to take my family away from me.

They blew my front door open using explosives and entered and started shooting up the place. My daughter took a round in the shoulder and is presently out of surgery and resting in her room at the hospital.

Steve you're here to ascertain if there is a case for a civil suit again every FBI person that participated in this fiasco." Kate paused to allow both of them to digest all of this.

"If you believe you may have a claim for negligence (careless conduct, or other wrongful or "tortious" conduct) against a federal agency or employee, you must first determine whether you can sue the federal government under the FTCA. Unless your claim is allowed by the FTCA, there is a good chance it will be barred by sovereign immunity.

In general, the FTCA is intended to provide monetary compensation for injury, property loss, or death 'caused by the negligent or wrongful act or omission of any employee of the Government.' But this broad-sounding mandate is subject to a lot of fine print.

Although the limitations and exceptions are too numerous to easily mention, here are some general guidelines regarding the limitations on FTCA claims:

Only federal employees can be sued under the FTCA, not independent contractors hired by the federal government (unless they are treated like employees).

The negligent or wrongful conduct must have been done within the scope of the defendant's employment.

In general, only claims of negligence - as opposed to intentional misconduct - are allowed (though some claims for intentional misconduct can be brought against certain federal law enforcement officers).

The claim must be based on - and permitted by - the law of the state in which the misconduct occurred.

Despite these and numerous other limitations on FTCA lawsuits, the federal government still pays out millions of dollars each year to compensate FTCA claims. So if you think you may have a valid claim, it may be worth pursuing.

If you determine that you do have a valid FTCA claim, the next hurdle is to follow the prescribed steps for such claims, which include some strict time limits.

**You must file within two years.**

**Include facts and damages in your claim.**

**The agency has six months to respond.**

**You then have six months to file a lawsuit.**

**You don't have to sue until the agency rules on your claim." ****Steve finishes.**

"I have interview information from every FBI agent that was sent here, along with countless witnesses of the interview that are uniform officers along with investigators from Narcotics and Robbery from both the 12th and 54th Precinct.

All of them are presently in holding down at the 12th. All recorded and written and signed.

Nine of them are just following orders, but I want the heads of Will Sorenson and Robert Matteson." Kate tells him.

"I'll get my office to get copies and get over here to take pictures and interview everyone involved. I'll also get someone down to the hospital to talk with the doctor. I'll also get contractors in here to determine the cost to repair the damage." Steve tells her and pulls out his phone, but pauses.

"How is Alexis?" Steve cared; Castle had been a friend for years.

"She took a round in the shoulder. She has permanent muscle damage on that side. The doctor said she'll recover, but is going to have to go through physical therapy. I just hope this doesn't delay her early entry into Oxford or Stanford. She has worked so hard to get in early." Kate was hurting over that.

"I'll add that damage to the lawsuit." Steve points out and excuses himself to get his office started on all this. Happy that Alexis would be alright.

"We're talking about Bracken, aren't we?" Roy asks. Getting Kate to nod her head.

"He wanted to get even. Thanks to the FBI it took my own security measures to keep us all alive. Just what would have happened if I wasn't home when they showed up? I would have come home to what?

I want them Roy! I want both of their heads hanging from the Statue of Liberty. They both knew and did nothing to stop it. And they were going to do what? Say 'I'm so sorry for what happened to your family. Now get on with your life since you can't touch me?'"

"I can take it to the district attorney and the commissioner, but you're talking about politics now. Sorenson will likely be sacrificed so that nothing happens to Matteson. As sad as it sounds, you're only recourse is likely to be a lawsuit that the government will try and reach a deal by paying you a few million for the damage." Roy knew the politics of this would make getting anyone higher than Sorenson to take responsibility was unlikely.

Kate had been afraid of that. Short of killing someone and being caught doing it, the higher ups were immune to the actions that they take and have no fear of the consequences of their actions. Just do it again, and again.

"I'm going back to my daughter. Do what you can Roy, or Bracken will just try again. Year after year." Kate got up and left after checking in with Steve. She needed a new door and a new lock just like the last one. Along with a bottle replacement.

Kate walked into the waiting room and found Rick and Martha who had Alexander in her arms feeding him. They were both too pre-occupied with Alexander to notice her. "Is Alexis still asleep?" Kate asks them.

"Kate." "Katherine." They both tried saying at the same time. It was cute and it got Kate to smile. "When was the last time you checked?" Kate tried something else.

"Right now." Rick hops up and starts walking for Alexis's room.

"Where did you meet him Katherine?" It was Kate's turn for questions.

Kate knew this was coming, and this was not how she wanted everyone to meet. "I literally ran into him in a coffee shop on my first day back to work after maternity leave."

"He's a good man Katherine, there is something in those eyes." Martha hasn't figured it out yet, but she's thinking about it.

"What has he told you Martha?" Kate figured she was in trouble. She left them alone together all because of Sorenson. Kate wanted to shoot him, she really did.

"I know what I need to know dear, only what I need to know." Martha was smiling at Kate.

Rick stepped into the room and saw Alexis just like he last saw her. Rick stepped up and leaned over her to look at her face. "Hi pumpkin, I don't know anyone except I feel like I know you and I don't know why that is, and I didn't even know that until I saw you. You need to get better and wake up so you can help me. I feel so lost, …. so very lost.

I feel like I should know Kate too. She's in my mind and going into my book. It's her and it's not her, and I don't understand. … Please pumpkin, I need you." Rick blinked back tears and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I need you to get better." And kisses her again and walks back to the waiting room.

Once again missing Alexis mouth the word, "Dad".

"She's still asleep." Rick tells them as he sits back down next to Kate with Martha on the other side of Kate who was holding Alexander.

It was only a few minutes later. "KATE!" As Lanie comes charging into the room.

Kate gets up and meets her half way and they both end up in each other's arms. "How is she, where is she?"

Kate tried to give Lanie a smile. "This way." And Kate escorts Lanie to Alexis's room.

"OH my, …" Lanie places a hand over her mouth. She was in a hospital so knew to keep the noise down. Lanie walks over to the side of the bed and reaches out to stroke her face. "Oh sweetie, what has he done?"

The pain on Lanie's face told Kate a lot. "Will caused this?" Espo had told Lanie at lot.

Kate nodded her head. "Him and his supervisor. Will thought he could swoop in and save us in person and then take Castle's place in my life." Kate confirms. "I almost shot him Lanie, I mean really shot him. I was so close."

To think that Will could be so careless and thoughtless to risk the lives of her family just so he could get in her pants. Kate still wanted to shoot him.

"What are you doing?" Kate asks watching Lanie pull out her phone.

"I'm going to tell the guys where they can hide his body where it'll never be found. What do you think I'm doing?" Lanie was ready to slap Kate silly. She should have shot him.

"Lanie!" Kate reaches out and takes her phone from her, and hangs up just as she can hear Espo answer.

"Katherine Castle, you don't think I'm just going to stand here and let that SOB get away with this. He hurt our girl. If you hadn't been home at the time, …" Lanie trails off knowing all three of them would be dead. Losing Castle had damn near killed Kate, if she had lost what family she had left it would have finished her.

"And he's going to suffer for it. I've already put plans in motion. … Besides killing him is too fast and painless." Though Kate did still like the idea of shooting him.

Lanie studied Kate for a moment. "Fine, but he better suffer Kate, or I'm going to hurt you." Lanie takes her phone back, and makes a quick call and spins out of Kate's reach.

"Hi Javi, make him bleed." And Lanie hangs up her phone. And turns to see Kate glaring at her. "You think the guys feel any different?" Lanie challenges. "Now, who is the guy out in the waiting room? He's cute."

Kate tried to shrink and melt away. _Oh god, why does the universe hate me?_

"Katherine Castle, what have you done?" Now Lanie was glaring.

Kate squeezes her eyes closed. "His name is Rick." Kate stats off with.

"Dad." Alexis whispers. Getting Lanie to turn and Kate to launch for her bed.

"Pumpkin!?" Kate leans way in to look in her face and stroke her head with her hand. Searching her face for something, anything. But she was still sleep.

Kate stood up straight and took Alexis's hand. "His name is Rick and I literally ran into him my first day back from maternity leave." Kate starts again, dreading this.

"Dad." Alexis whispers again. Getting both of them to look at Alexis again. But she was still asleep.

"We've dated a couple of time. I took him to a ball game, we lost both times." Kate tells her.

"You took him?" Lanie questions, as in you asked HIM out and paid for it.

Kate nods her head. "Rick has a job, and he's really good at it, but he doesn't have much money." Actually Kate didn't know how much he had, but was sure he didn't have much considering where he was living.

"Dad." Alexis whispers out again, correcting her mom without knowing it.

It got both of them to look at Alexis again, but she was still asleep.

_Why does she keep doing that? … You really need to wake up pumpkin. I can't take much more of this._

"I take it you like him?" Lanie asks. Getting Kate to nod her head.

"Then I'm happy for you. I know you miss Castle, we all saw how much his loss hurt you, but Castle only wanted you to be happy. He fought long and hard to get you to see yourself. That you could be happy." Lanie wanted Kate to be happy too.

"I know Lanie, I was just too damn stubborn. I let him in too late." Kate looks down at the floor. Then takes in a deep breath. "But I'm not running this time; I'm not screwing it up this time. … Not this time. Rick's nice, and we're going to see." Kate stood up straight.

"Dad." Alexis whispers out again. But they both see she is still asleep.

_Why does she keep doing that? …. Does she know something? Or is she seeing her father in her dreams? You really need to wake up pumpkin. My heart can't take much more of this._

Kate went back out to the waiting room while Lanie went off to talk with the staff. Lanie wanted to know what the staff knew about Alexis. Not what they were willing to tell the family.

Before Lanie left she checked to see if any of them needed anything? "Coffee." "Coffee." "Tea."

Lanie didn't trust the cafeteria coffee so she left to go get what they asked. By the time she came back Rick was gone. "What happened to your boyfriend?" Lanie couldn't resist.

Kate glared at her but took her cup of coffee. "RICK, went in to look at Alexis again." Kate responds trying to figure out how to hang onto her coffee while having Alexander in her arms.

Lanie handed Martha her tea and put Rick's coffee down on the table.

"Call me when she wakes and let me know how she's doing." Lanie asks of her.

"Not a problem Lanie, soon as I know something I'll share." Kate guarantees.

Rick had stepped up to the bed and leaned way over to look at Alexis. "Can you wake up for me pumpkin? … Come on pumpkin, you've slept long enough." Rick strokes her face and then pulls on her ear. Getting a moan out of her.

"Come on pumpkin, open your eyes." Rick tried tapping the tip of her nose and it did get Alexis to start scrunching up her face. "Come on pumpkin." Rick places his hand on her head with his thumb on her forehead and starts rubbing circles.

Rick can see her blink her eyes open. "Hi!" Rick smiles looking down on her.

"Dad?" Alexis whispers. It hurt a little since her throat was dry.

"Want some water?" Rick asks and sees Alexis barely move her head. Rick picks up the glass and puts the straw in her mouth. "Suck a little, … not too much pumpkin."

Alexis stops. "Thanks dad."

Rick looks at her funny, that's twice she's said that. "Do you know where you are?" Rick tries something else.

Alexis looks around. It looked rather white, there were machines, the bed had steel handrails on each side. "Hospital."

Rick nodded his head. "There was a break-in at your place. You got shot in the shoulder. … I'm going to go get Kate and Martha." Rick starts to leave knowing they will be happy.

"DAD!" Alexis wants him to stop, and Rick does.

"I'm not, ..." Rick gets interrupted by Alexis.

"You don't remember yourself, do you dad?" Alexis questions.

"Pumpkin, I'm not, …." But gets interrupted again.

"Why do you call me pumpkin dad?" Alexis questions him.

"Well, your skin in pale, a little more pale now, and with orange hair you remind me of a, …." Rick is interrupted again.

"Pumpkin. … That's what you said when I was little. You called me pumpkin before now." Alexis tells Rick.

Rick inclines his head. "I have?" Rick didn't remember that. He remembered doing it only while in the hospital.

"You need to remember dad, … please." Alexis saw Rick but could feel her dad, and her heart wanted him back in the worst way. He hadn't left her, he came back and was in there somewhere.

Rick knew he had memory loss and that Alexis felt like the key, but being her dad? "I'm going to go get Kate and Martha." Rick started to hurry out of the room.

"Dad please." Alexis called after him, but Rick didn't stop.


	13. Chapter 13

**CH13 (34)**

"She's awake." Rick called out as soon as the door opened into the waiting room.

That got Kate, who was holding Alexander in her arms, up out of her chair in a heartbeat followed closely by Martha.

"Alexis, how you feeling?" Kate was next to her bed. Kate had been scared out of her mind, till now.

"Give him to me mom?" Alexis held out her good arm.

"Oh pumpkin you're hurt, I don't think, …." Alexis however interrupts her.

"Only on one side mom. … please." Alexis flexed her hand while stretching out her good arm.

Kate gave in and worked slowly to put Alexander on her good side so Alexis could hold onto him.

Alexis looked down on Alexander and smiled. Then tried to bend her head down to kiss the top of his head. This however caused her bad shoulder to move and instead of getting a kiss, Alexander got a hiss of pain from his big sister instead.

"Alexis?" Kate was instantly concerned.

"It's just a little pain mom, it's nothing." Alexis shakes her head.

"I'll find a nurse." Martha tells them and heads off in search of a nurse.

Alexis didn't see Rick. "Mom, he's dad. I know he is."

"Pumpkin, I know both of us miss him and want him back, but we're fooling ourselves. Castle is gone sweetie." Kate wanted to believe, but people didn't come back from the dead.

"You promised not to give up mom. Dad never gave up on you, and you did hear him after he was gone." Alexis needed her mom not to give up. "And you haven't heard him since Alex was born." Alexis points out.

Kate moans and shakes her head. Kate wasn't going to run from Rick but Castle was gone.

"You didn't believe when you heard dad, don't give up on him now mom. You just need to believe." Alexis pleads while playing with Alexander's hand, who was being quiet. "I think he is lost. He is confused between where he was and where he is now and just doesn't remember. … Remember the board mom." Alexis plays what she thinks might be her last card.

"You want me to believe." Kate runs her hands through her hair that needs to be cleaned. But then so did the rest of her. Martha probably did too.

"Fine pumpkin, fine. … I believe, it's stupid but I believe. … Now how do we help Rick believe?" They may believe but how do you get someone who can't remember anyone to remember them?

_Nice use of the scene from Miracle on 34__th__ street mom. Maybe that will be the next movie we bet on when Christmas comes._

"He's writing a Nikki Heat book, … maybe if you get him to read one of dad's books, it will help him remember. Nikki is based off of you mom, so maybe he can get from Nikki to you." Alexis offers.

Kate thought about it, Castle had written a lot of books. It was something from his past. "Maybe dinner at the loft after you are out of the hospital. It was his home." Kate offers in addition to the books.

"Take him into the precinct too mom, that was part of dad's life, your work is why he thought up Nikkin Heat." Alexis offers. "Oooo, take him to the Hamptons. Dad loved the ocean breeze." Alexis thought that might be an even better idea.

Kate didn't know about the take him to work part. Ask Rick to follow her around at work? Ryan and Espo might not have a problem. Kate didn't want to know what Lanie would think. But Roy? …. That was something else.

"Don't give up on Rick, don't give up on Rick. I hope I'm up for this pumpkin. You're asking for a lot." Kate was worried that this wasn't going to work, or maybe she was worried that it would.

"We can do it mom." If they succeeded she got her dad back.

"I hear you're awake." A new voice speaks up as a nurse walks in.

"Give me Alexander, pumpkin." Kate reaches in to take Alexander from her. Then leaves the room to let the nurse work.

Kate however doesn't go to the waiting room where she suspects Rick was, and then notices Martha step up next to her.

Kate looks at Martha. "How much of that did you hear Martha?" Kate knew they had talked too long.

"I thought I was going mad when I first started hearing Richard's voice. Hearing what I wanted to hear because I didn't want to lose my son. But he never really talked to me, not a real conversation." Martha starts off with.

"I'm so sorry Martha, we didn't know if he was talking to you too, and if he wasn't, …. I just couldn't do that to you Martha. We may have loved him, but he was your son." Kate adjusted Alexander in her arms. Kate now understood the bond between mother and son.

"It's alright dear, I didn't know how to tell you either. I'm just glad you two were talking and sharing." Martha meant Kate and Alexis talking to each other. "Do you really think he's in there somewhere?"

"I don't know Martha. … I know Alexis believes. But does she really believe or because she wants to believe? … And I thought believing that Castle was talking to me was hard. Now I'm supposed to believe that he has come back to us and is inside Rick. Just lost and confused." Kate's heart wants to believe, but she doesn't have Castle and/or Alexis's belief of this possibility as much as they do, did.

Martha wasn't sure she did either, but now she knows her son and been talking to Katherine and his daughter, and that helped. "Do what Alexis says dear, if she is the one who has the vision to see her father, then we follow her lead. … What do we have to lose?" And so much to gain.

"We wait for the nurse to finish with Alexis and talk with her, and then I think we need to go home. I can't begin to remember when I last had a bath; I'm probably stinking up the place. I wonder what home even looks like now." Did they even have a front door?

They finally noticed that the nurse had left so they both went back to Alexis. "Martha overheard us talking." Kate tells Alexis.

"Grams!" Alexis was so sorry.

"It's alright dear. … At least I know I wasn't the only one Richard was talking to and that I just didn't make it up." Martha gave Alexis her best actress smile she could.

"I'm sorry grams, it's just we didn't want to hurt you." Knowing her dad had talked to her only helped solidify her belief that her dad was in Rick.

"Mom, …" However Kate interrupts her.

"I know pumpkin, we're going to go home and take a shower and take Rick with us. I think I'll start with giving him Heat Wave and send him home to read it. We can go from there. You get some rest pumpkin. The sooner you're better, the sooner you are home." Kate leans in as best she can to kiss her cheek. "You're the one that really believes pumpkin, I'm not sure just what to do."

"Don't give up mom. …. Bye Alex, bye grams." Alexis didn't want to get left behind, she wanted to go home and help them, but knew she couldn't.

Kate still couldn't get into the underground parking garage of her building. There were still 2 uniforms on the building'sfront door of the building, then found 2 more at her front door.

The security guy was here, replacing the bottle and checking the system. "Your security system is undamaged. I've added a skin irritant to the tear gas bottle. It should make things a little more unpleasant for someone." He gave his thanks for using their company and excused himself. "Someone will be out tomorrow to add a hidden camera looking down the hallway to the elevator. He's also going to add an infrared trip wire that will activate the internal alarm and give you a picture." He adds at the door.

The front door could be closed, it just couldn't be locked.

Rick had been reluctant to come up with them but he did anyway. Rick stopped just inside the door and just stood there taking it all in.

There was a 2 man crew cleaning the floor where the 2 guys Kate had shot had fallen.

Rick didn't understand but knew there was a study behind all those books. There were 3 bedrooms upstairs along with a Jack and Jill bathroom. The master bedroom and on-suite were over there. He just knew the sofa was comfortable and that the cabinet on the wall had a massive DVD collection in it.

"I'm going to go upstairs and shower Katherine. … Make yourself at home dear." Martha touches Rick's arm and retreats upstairs.

Kate has put Alexander in his carrier for now and walks over to the books and pulls one down. Then walks over to Rick. "Here, something for you to read. My husband wrote it, along with a number of others. It's the first in a series of books. When you finish I can give you the next one." Kate looked up at him smiling. _Was this going to work, Alexis thought so._

"You should go home Rick, it's been a long day for both of us, … well all of us." Kate twists to look at Alexander, then back around to look at Rick.

"Go home and read Rick, its pretty good. I'll call you later." Kate lifts her hands to place one on each side of his face and pulls his head down while lifting up on her toes and kisses him.

After breaking from the kiss, Kate rests her head on his chest. "Thank you for today." Kate squeezes him and then releases him to lift up on her toes again to give him a quick kiss.

While looking into his eyes Kate patted her hands on his chest. "Go home and read Rick, I'll call you later. Maybe when you are done we can eat dinner somewhere." Meaning a home cooked meal right here. After her door is replaced.

Kate watches him go down the hallway and into the elevator before turning back around and wait for the cleaning guys to finish, so she can go take a much wanted shower, or better still, a nice hot bath.

After the cleaning crew had gone Kate closed the front door with the two uniforms right outside. It wasn't until Martha came back downstairs that Kate went to take a shower. A hot bath would have to wait for later. "No ordering out Martha, I'm cooking." Kate pointed her finger at Martha.

Problem was Alexander wanted to be fed first, so up to the nursery Kate took him. "I'm still cooking when I'm done Martha, so don't go getting any ideas." Kate knew Martha pretty well by now.

After nursing Alexander, Kate put him in his crib and went downstairs to start putting lunch together. Neither of them had, had dinner the night before nor breakfast this morning.

Kate even put some sandwiches together along with bottles of water and gave them to the two uniforms at the front of the building and the two on her front door.

Clean, satisfied that everyone had been fed. "I'm taking a nap Martha, I can't even begin to remember when I had any sleep. Oh wait, something else first." Kate walked for the study and opened the safe and pulled out some papers.

Yup, sure enough, Castle had a contact in the FBI. "Bless you Castle."

Thirty minutes later he had everything Kate could send him on one Robert Matteson and what had happened. NOW Kate shuffled her feet across to the bed and fell on it. After looking to see that the little light on the baby monitor was on, Kate grabbed a pillow and curled up and tried to get some sleep.

Kate was blinking her eyes open slowly when it sounded like a woodpecker was in her home. It was a quick hammering sound followed by silence, only to hear it do it again. "Why me? What did I do that was so wrong?" _Now I have to chase down some stupid bird that made its way into my home._

_Wait! I'm in the middle of downtown Manhattan practically._

It's not a woodpecker, it's the front door. Kate walked over to the door and could see it vibrate as it was being hammered on. They trying to fix the door maybe? Just that they said not until tomorrow.

Kate swung the door open to find Rick in the middle flanked on each side by a uniformed officer.

"KATE!" Rick stepped inside and held up the book she had given him to his chest. "Do you have any more of these?" Kate noticed he was smiling wide and looked really happy for some reason.

"Sure." Kate had several in fact. Taking the next Nikki Heat book off the shelf, and shuffled her feet back over to Rick and handed it to him.

Rick traded books with her and then kissed her and turned for the door to leave, only to turn around and come back to wrap his arms around her and really kiss her this time.

Rick's hands roamed her back till they finally rested on her hips, while his tongue asked for entrance. After getting it one of his hands found its way to her ass and he promptly goosed her getting Kate to open her eyes wide. Except Rick just kept kissing her and Kate found it becoming more difficult to remain standing.

Kate grabbed a hold of Rick to help her keep standing and worked at kissing him back just as hard.

Rick broke from the kiss. "Thanks." And tapped the new book and went out the door, watching one of the uniforms close the door.

Kate stumbled over to one of the dining room chairs and sat down before her legs gave out. "WOW!" It reminded her of that kiss when Ryan and Espo had been taken. This one however had taken her mind from her.

When Kate could start to think straight again she looked at the book Rick had left behind. Heat Wave.

_He was done already?_ "What time is it?" Kate talks to herself and twists to look at a clock. "He's done already?" Kate looks at the book, amazed. Castle was the only one she knew that could read that fast.

Martha is either in her room or gone. Alexis is in the hospital. She can't get her home fixed until tomorrow, including the bullet holes.

Kate decided to go upstairs to spend time with her son. Finding him asleep still, she carefully picked him up and sat down in the glider rocker with him.

It wasn't until later that Kate started to blink open her eyes. "Katherine?" Martha whispered softly at first, getting a little louder each attempt. "Katherine!"

"Martha?" Kate was still partly asleep.

"It's late dear." Martha tells her.

It got Kate to look at her watch. "11:10 pm" Kate couldn't believe it. Was she really that tired?

"Sorry Martha, I guess I was tired." Kate admits it to herself.

"I'm going to bed dear. The refrigerator has a few bottles left in it for tomorrow." Martha assumed with Alexis in the hospital Kate would need her to watch Alexander.

"I'll feed him and then pump before going to bed. Thanks Martha. Are you able to watch him tomorrow?" Kate hadn't actually asked her, so much had happened.

"I have nowhere else to go dear, I'll be here." Martha was going to help her.

Kate altered her top after Martha was gone and then pumped after putting Alexander down for the evening.

Kate was on her way down the stairs when someone started hammering on her door again. Pause and then start hammering again. It got Kate to smile guessing who it would be.

Opening the door she wasn't disappointed. Rick stepped in and held up the book Kate had given him. "Wait right there." Kate grins and heads for the bookcase and pulls down another book.

"Here." Kate trades books with him. "You've actually finished reading the last two?" Kate needed to hear it.

"It was easy." Rick shrugs his shoulders, getting Kate to giggle.

"Thanks Kate." And Rick turns to leave, only to turn back to her and wrap his arms around Kate and kiss her.

Kate was soon fisting his shirt to hang onto him so she could remain standing. "Rick, ….?"

"Thanks Kate." Rick removed his arms from around Kate and then gave her a quick kiss and went out the door, hurrying to get home and start reading the next book, pulling the door closed behind him.

Kate did the best she could to make it to the dining room chair again and sat down.

_He keeps kissing me like that and I'm not going to last much longer._

Kate could feel her need to make love to him rising. It had been about a year since Castle made love to her in Chicago and she wanted him. She was ready, like really ready.

_Great! Now how am I supposed to get any sleep tonight?_

Kate dragged herself out of bed and went upstairs to check on her son. Kate had spent most of the night awake replaying her first day in Chicago over and over again. It only kept Kate awake, tossing and turning.

Kate hadn't heard her son on the baby monitor all night long. Stepping into the nursery. "Hi my handsome young man, how are you this morning?" Kate lifted him up and could see him smiling at her.

"How about we change your diaper and then feed you, what do you say to that?" Kate rubs her nose over his, getting him to reach out and try and grab her hair.

Kate put him back in his crib after she was done and went back downstairs to take a shower.

Kate was headed for the kitchen to figure out breakfast when there was a woodpecker at her front door again. "Again?"

_He kisses me like that again and runs off to read his own book and I'm in trouble._

Kate opened the door to find a Rick still in the same clothes as yesterday, reminding her they needed to take him shopping. Kate still had all of Castle's clothes, but they weren't going to fit him. He was too tall and too thin, still.

Rick was standing there holding up his book in both hands grinning at her. "Rick, did you stay up all night reading?" Kate shook her head. "I'll get the next one." Kate left him standing there and went in search of the next Nikki Heat book.

Kate traded books with him. "I'm going into work this morning until lunch, and then I'm coming home to get Alexander and Martha and go to the hospital. Do you, ..." Kate was interrupted by Rick.

"Can I come?" Rick asked real fast. Looking very childlike excited about the prospect.

It got Kate to smile. "Sure, if you're still awake. We'll stop by and pick you up on the way."

"YES!" Rick pumped his arm and then stepped up to Kate and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again.

Like last time Kate was soon fisting his shirt so she could remain standing, only this time she moaned into the kiss. When Rick broke from the kiss he let go of Kate. "I'll be waiting." And Rick retreated through the door and closed it.

Kate was barely standing wanting Rick to come back so she could kiss him again and then drag him to her bedroom. And then the door opened again and Rick poked his head in. "Thanks!" Rick grinned and then re-closed the door.

"I'm in big, big trouble." Kate talks to herself and then runs her fingers over her lips. Kate couldn't take much more of this.

Kate had checked with Martha that she was up before she left for work, reminding Martha that someone would be here to replace the door followed by someone who would install the new lock, same as the old lock. Then still another person that was going to install an improvement to the security system.

"Call me if you have questions Martha. They'll bill me so you shouldn't have to pay for anything. As soon as all of that is done the uniforms will be leaving." Kate tells her hoping she got all that.

"We'll be fine Katherine, until the uniform officers leave, we're perfectly safe." Martha tries to take any worry away.

Kate had parked and made her way up to her desk. "Guys, anything new?" Kate turns on her computer.

"We got an ID on our two vics." Espo tells her who now had her undivided attention. "They're brothers, Robert and George Hammond. They're both bond traders. When they didn't show up for work for 2 days they started to worry and called their families.

Their families are coming in, in about an hour." Espo tells her.

"Good, maybe they can tell us where they were." Kate was suddenly happy.

"It gets better." Ryan offers up. "Both of their cars have GPS and we have their location." Ryan holds up his post-it note.

"Your two take the cars and I'll wait for the families. I'm here till lunch, and then I'm headed for the hospital." Kate informs them.

"How is our girl doing?" Espo really was concerned.

"She woke up yesterday and except for some pain, she's doing fine. … Where's Will?" Kate wanted to yell at him again.

"He's at the hospital under guard. …. He had a little accident." Espo tells her.

"ESPO?" Kate glares at him.

"Honest Castle, it was an accident." Espo defends himself.

"Yeah Castle, it was nasty and it looked **REALLY** painful." Ryan added.

"What am I going to do with you two?" Kate shakes her head. Though with her back to them she started grinning.


	14. Chapter 14

**CH14 (35)**

First - The word PUMPKIN is used a lot because it is used as a term of endearment. Rick used it in the series several times. Granted its use decreased over time, but still, ...

Second - Kate is using it A LOT as a method to heal her broken heart. Alexis is Rick's replacement in her heart along with Alexander (Rick's real middle name)

Third - Alexis has lost her dad. The only parent she had since her so called mother has been absent her entire life. Calling Kate MOM is her way of healing her heart and that makes Kate her dad's replacement in her heart.

Deal with it! ( Sorry everyone else, but I HATE guests who hide behind their anonymity when they leave scathing reviews. If you were a Klingon I would call you a coward! to your face) Guests should read and not be heard.

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**It was now one month later:**

Steve was just exiting the loft after giving Kate, Martha and Alexis an update on the lawsuit against the FBI in addition to the two individuals, Will Sorenson and Robert Matteson.

He and his staff were still gathering all the paperwork and were going to file in a little under 2 weeks, well within the time frame allowed.

They were demanding the firing of both men and to prevent them from obtaining any form of government position that required any form of security screening. Even a janitor in the Pentagon had to be screened.

In addition they were suing the government $400 million for all of the physical and mental damages that had been incurred from the actions of these 2 men.

Steven had already found out that Matteson had fired Sorenson in the mistaken belief that, that action would somehow shield him from having to take responsibility for his actions.

Steve didn't understand why, but everything was going smoothly. It was as if someone somewhere was greasing the road making everything he did just that much easier. He would submit requests for information and they would be granted in less than 24 hours.

They had a great deal of information gathered about every aspect of what happened. Matteson had initially tried to have all actions made a secret and tagged as being a matter of National Security. However everything had been handed over without so much as a single line being blacked out.

That alone had come as a shock. Steve was sure some if not vast amounts would be blacked out.

Steve had also found out that Bracken and his lawyer were presently bunk mates in an unspecified location where they would remain till the trial. During the trial they would be shuttled back and forth under heavy guard and allowed to speak to no one save their lawyer.

"Thanks Steve." As Kate escorted him to the door and then reset the security alarm.

"Everyone packed; the car service should be here in about 15 minutes." Kate asks them.

Kate's asking was just a formality since all of their luggage was already in the living room, along with Alexander and all his baby stuff.

"All set mom, we just have to stop and pick up dad." Alexis offers up.

Kate didn't moan or say anything about Alexis referring to Rick as being dad. Alexis was the one that believed.

Rick had read every book Castle had ever written at lightning speed, and when Kate was forced to tell him there weren't any more Rick had stopped asking for books to read.

Kate and Rick had gone out on a number of dates.

Arcade Night – Rick had acted like a 12 year old. He had laughed and joked and made fun of Kate all night long. It wasn't until late into the date that Kate finally started to loosen up. That was when Rick stopped teasing her.

Track Down an Old-Fashioned Photo Booth – Kate had strips of photos tucked into the mirror portion of the dresser in the bedroom, that showed the two of them smiling, laughing and kissing. Kate could see the smile on her face and noticed that her eyes were shining.

Water, Water Everywhere – Rick had shown up at her door out of the blue one day and had immediately shot her with a super soaker gun. It had of course gotten Kate to immediately yell at him, until Rick pulled out another super soaker from behind his back for Kate to use. They were soon both soaked with water all over the loft and had Kate squealing and laughing.

Test Drive His Literary Side – Kate had wanted to find out if this Rick loved the library as much as the old Rick. Turned out he did and he also seemed to know his way around even though he swore he had never been here before.

Get Your Hands Messy – Kate took him to a water color studio where they could each make their own masterpieces. Rick was already good as an illustrator, maybe this was something they could do together. It had of course turned into a water color fight and Kate had come home almost dry but was in countless different colors. From her hair to her shoes. Alexis had fallen down laughing as soon as Kate stepped in through the front door. Looking at herself in the mirror before trying to wash it all off had Kate smiling wide.

Alexis was out of her arm sling and had wanted to get out and do something. Because of the sling she could only do limited days at the precinct helping Lanie and even when she was there Alexis was still limited in what she could do. Site visits for bodies were out. Alexis was trapped to helping Lanie only in the morgue.

The town car stopped outside of Rick's apartment and Kate had hopped out and ran up the stairs to knock on Rick's door.

It only took a moment for Rick to answer. As soon as the door was open Kate stepped up and kissed him. "Ready to go?" Kate whispered into his lips still with her arms wrapped around him.

Rick smiled back. "Just need my bags." Rick extracted himself from Kate's arms and picked up a large gym bag that had his clothes and a much smaller bag that held something else.

Kate was already guessing what was in that bag. "No work, this is a pleasure trip, unless you are behind on your project." Kate wanted him to have fun, not work it.

"This is the laptop (Kate had bought it for him so he didn't really think of it as his alone), it has something on it I want you to see. And no I'm not behind. I handed off the latest story boards yesterday. No new stories are coming for at least a week." Rick was free to go.

His bags went in the trunk along with theirs, and they were off.

They had just cleared the city. "You did remember to pack your swimsuit?" Kate turned to ask him.

Rick immediately put on an 'Ooops' look on his face. "RICK!?" Kate was ready to smack him.

"I'll just go skinny dipping." Rick shrugged his shoulders.

The look on Kate's face soon had him laughing. "RICK!" Kate yells at him knowing she has been had.

"Not funny Rick." Kate sooo wanted to smack him.

"Perhaps, but the look on your face was priceless. … Which reminds me." And Rick pulls out his phone that Kate had gotten him.

Seeing the look on Kate's face. "It's for the next time, so I can take a picture." Rick explains.

"You're not going to be able to take a picture since all of your fingers are going to be broken." Kate counters. Listening to Alexis start to laugh.

Kate sat back in the seat and huffed at the two of them. Martha was just sitting up front with Alexander listening to these two. All of this sounded so familiar.

The driver pulled up at the house and Rick and Kate stepped out. "This is the house in the Hamptons?" Kate's mouth was hanging open. Castle had tried to get her to come out here with him one time, but she had thrown Demming in his face.

It was a time in her life that Kate wished so fiercely that she could have back and do it different. Demming had been a huge mistake, one she wished she had never made.

"This isn't a house. …. It's a mansion." Kate could just stand there with her mouth hanging open. Kate didn't see Rick smiling.

With bags in hand they all went upstairs. "No Martha, this is your house you get the master bedroom. I'll take one of the guest rooms." Kate was shaking her head no.

"Katherine, … Just where do you plan on putting Alexander's crib in one of those tiny rooms? The closet? … This is your room dear. You need the space." Martha counters and places Alexander on the bed and takes her small bag to the guest room that actually had some of her clothes in it already.

Alexis knew which room was hers since the closet also already had some of her clothes. Rick took the room across the hall from Martha and started unpacking.

Kate set the crib up and placed Alexander in it and then started to unpack. Kate knew she needed the space because of Alexander, it's just that this wasn't her house, it was Martha's.

Kate was done and was standing at the foot of the bed looking at it.

_Is this where I would have been if I had said yes? Is it where Gina had been all summer? How am I going to sleep in this bed knowing Gina had Castle in it all summer? Maybe there is a rollaway or a sleeper sofa somewhere?_

"It's big, isn't it?" Alexis asks from the door.

"It's not mine, it was Castle's. … Pumpkin, is there, …." Kate is interrupted by Alexis.

"Dad would hog the entire bed when he was here. … When I was little I would sneak in and try to wake him by tickling his bare feet or rub it across his nose." Alexis chuckles a little. "I even got him to slap his face once." Alexis remembers the earlier years and blinks back tears.

"Dad is the only one who has ever slept in this bed. Well, maybe me when I was really little, once or twice. … I'm going to go make some sandwiches for lunch." Alexis walks out leaving Kate to her thoughts.

_His clothes in the closet don't smell like him anymore, I wonder if the bed still does? And do I want it too?_

_Only Castle. … I should have said yes, why didn't I say yes? I screwed up so big that day!_

It was all Kate could do to blink back the tears. Then went over and checked on Alexander and picked him up and went downstairs to join Alexis.

_I'm here now Castle. … Are you here too? _Not seeing Rick through the open door to the guest room.

Kate found Alexis in the kitchen with various meats spread out on the counter. Lettuce was already ripped off and lying on a paper plate. Alexis was presently cutting a tomato.

"I don't remember stopping for groceries." Kate was confused.

"We have a service, they come out and clean after we leave and they go shopping before we get here if we call first." Alexis explains. "If there is something special you want, there is a small car out in the garage that can be used for errands."

Kate would keep that in mind. "Have you seen Rick? I didn't see him in his room." Alexis simply pointed.

Kate turned to see him standing out on the back deck looking out onto the ocean.

"It's dad's favorite spot. Fresh air, no noise, no people. Just the ocean breeze with a view of the ocean." Alexis explains.

Kate stood at the door and watched him for a few moments, before building up the courage to step outside and join him.

Kate stepped up next to him but was still just a touch behind him. "It's gorgeous." Kate looked out where he was looking.

"It's peaceful and quiet. No one wants something." Rick was soft as he spoke.

Kate leaned out to look up at Rick and noticed that he was crying. Just staring out at the ocean with tears running down his cheek.

Kate decided to retreat back inside still carrying Alexander with her. Kate closed the door carefully.

Kate stepped up to the kitchen to watch Alexis finish making sandwiches. "He's just standing there, crying." Kate stares at Alexis.

That got Alexis's attention and looked up at Kate and then out at Rick. Alexis couldn't help but wonder if he knew where he was, or if it was just the view.

"I'm going to go feed Alexander and then put him down. I'll be back for lunch in a bit." Kate tells her and heads for the master bedroom.

Alexis moved over to the closed doors to watch Rick stand there, debating if she should go outside or not. …. Alexis ultimately decides not to and let him have his moment, alone.

Alexis was eating slowly when Kate and Martha showed up. "Lunch is ready." Alexis informs them.

"We should get dad." Alexis points out.

Kate and Martha had gotten used to hearing Alexis refer to Rick as dad, so nothing was said about it. "I'll get him." Kate offers.

Kate didn't see any more tears this time. "Lunch is ready if you are hungry." Kate takes a hold of his upper arm.

"Sure." And Rick follows her inside.

"You can go swimming if you want." Alexis points out. "The pool is heated but the ocean should be warm enough still." Alexis knew that would likely change in a couple of months.

"Sounds like a plan." Rick liked the idea. "If you'll excuse me." Rick went upstairs to change.

Rick had left and had been at the beach for a few minutes already. "Mom?" Alexis questions.

_Don't give up on him, don't give up on him._

"I'm going to go change. Can you watch Alexander?" Kate asks of Alexis.

"I'll pick him up and bring him down here after you are gone. I need to do some exercises for my shoulder anyway." Alexis had been given some physical therapy exercises she could do to strengthen her arm. Alexis had already noticed that her arm wasn't nearly as strong as it used to be.

Kate was soon walking out towards the beach where Rick was sitting. She had changed into a deep dark purple bikini with an oversize t-shirt as a cover. It was so long that she had skipped the need for shorts. Wearing flip flops on her way across the sand.

Laying out a beach blanket on the sand next to Rick. "Hi." Kate sat down next to him just barely brushing her shoulder up against his. "It's nice." They had the beach all to themselves.

"Is there something you want to do?" Kate asks remembering she had forgotten to use sunscreen before coming out here. Rick probably had too.

"Swimming?" Rick stands up and holds his arms out.

Kate hadn't planned on getting wet. _Maybe I can just wade out a little._

Kate took his hands and let him lift her up and followed him out into the water until the water came up to her knees.

Rick went further out and dunked himself and came back up finding Kate still in the shallow end. "Take the cover off and swim Kate, have a little fun."

"I'm fine Rick." Kate had no plans of getting wet.

Kate slowly walked his way towards Kate and reached out and took her hands. "Come on Kate, you're at a beach!" Rick pleads.

"Maybe go swimming in the pool tonight." Kate offers instead.

Rick took her arms to move in close by pulling her to him a little and then swooped his arms to pick her up bridal style, getting Kate to squeal.

"You're going swimming Kate." Rick grinned at her.

"Put me down Rick!" Kate tried to make it sound like a threat. But Rick kept walking out into the surf. "I have a gun Rick."

"And just where did you hide it with what you are wearing?" Rick challenged.

"Put me down Rick." Kate tried again.

"Oh I intend to." Rick was grinning.

"RICK!" He wouldn't. "Castle don't you dare." And Rick promptly dropped her.

Kate came up soaked, with her hair now wet, spitting up water. Rick was standing there proud of himself.

Kate walked over and kicked at one of his legs weakening one of them and then jumped up and placed her hands on his shoulders and shoved when she came back down. Dunking him and holding him there for a moment.

The move caught Rick unprepared and found himself underwater.

When Kate let go he popped back up and wrapped his arms around Kate holding her tight. "Happy now?" Rick asked her.

Kate was all set to answer his question when Rick silenced her by kissing her. Kate soon had her arms wrapped around Rick and was kissing him back while searching his mouth with her tongue, just like Rick was doing to her.

Then suddenly Rick stopped and started walking away headed for the beach. It left Kate standing in the water wondering what happened.

Kate had managed to hold it together so far and hadn't ended up in bed with Rick, yet. But it had been a struggle some times.

Rick collapsed onto his towel and sat there with his legs brought up into his chest.

Kate dunked herself to get her hair to cooperate now that it was wet and walked for her towel and sat down next to him and mimicked his position. "Rick, …. talk to me." Kate sat there looking at him.

Rick never turned his head. "Your Nikki, aren't you." It didn't sound like a question.

"My husband created a character based on me and what I did at work. He followed me around everywhere I went at work. At first it was for research, or at least that was what he claimed.

After a short time he became my partner. Then he eventually became my best friend. Except I was falling in love with him and that scared me. … I didn't want to lose my friend or my partner by getting involved with him.

Plus my heart had been hurt badly once already and if it didn't work out it might hurt me even more. So I did the stupidest thing I could think of, I pushed him away.

Then he followed me out to L.A. on a personal case and when I got back to New York I finally broke down and started dating him. It turned out to be amazing. He was perfect and I loved him more and more each day.

Then he left for a week long book tour and I flew out to Chicago to be with him for one day. I was so in love with him, it was a perfect day. So very perfect." Kate paused to wipe away the tears, noticing that Rick still hadn't looked at her.

"Then I found out he had been killed in a traffic accident on the way to the airport. He was just 2 days from coming home to me. Everything was going to be perfect, just perfect." Kate's voice was cracking and she kept wiping tears away.

"Then you met someone else, got married and had his child." Rick points out.

Kate shakes her head, not that Rick saw her do it. "I married the love of my life 1 day after he was killed in Chicago. The lawyer back dated it and had a judge sign it. I married him one day before he died in Chicago when technically I married him after he had already died.

I found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant with his child. He never actually got to see his own child. Never hold him, touch him or kiss him. Tell him that he loved him. Alexander will learn of his father because we are going to tell him, but he's never going to get to know him." Kate sniffled and wiped away still more tears.

Remembering that day was breaking her heart all over again.

"You married him after." Rick whispers out. "You married HIM after." Rick spoke a little louder. "AFTER!" Rick was sitting upright now. Then turned to look at Kate and took her head in his hands and kissed her.

Rick was smiling at her. "After. … I have to talk to Alexis." Rick jumped up and ran for the house. Leaving a shocked and confused Kate sitting and crying on the beach.


	15. Chapter 15

**CH15 (36)**

Rick came charging into the house and suddenly hugged Alexis. "Kate is Nikki isn't she? Or Nikki is Kate, right?"

It took Alexis a moment to catch up. "Nikki is a character based off of mom. Mom says you've read all of the books." Alexis points out.

"Mom, … Kate is mom, but she's not mom?" Rick was confused.

"Kate signed the adoption papers making me her daughter and her my mom. She's terrific, the best mother I could ever ask for. Kate isn't my biological mother, but she's more than that to me. Kate is so much more to me than just my mom." Alexis was starting to cry.

"And Kate married, …?" Rick wanted to hear it from her.

"Kate signed the papers to marry my dad after he was already gone. I was so afraid she wasn't going to do it and leave me all alone." Alexis wiped away some of her tears.

Rick crushed her in his arms. "Alone, …. never leave you alone." Rick whispers out, then lets go of her. "I have to get something, don't move." Rick kissed her head and ran for his room.

Rick was soon back and placed the laptop on the kitchen counter. "I need you to read this pumpkin, all of it." Rick opens the laptop and pulls up a file for her to read.

"Please, read it. … I'm going to change and go for a walk. I need to think, I promise to take my phone just in case. … Please pumpkin, read it." Rick kisses the side of her head again and runs back upstairs to change.

Rick is back downstairs after a short time to see Alexis sitting at the counter reading and goes out the front door and starts walking, trying to think.

A confused Kate sits on her towel for a little while trying to think this through.

_He thought I had married someone else and had someone else's child. I keep referring to Castle as my husband and if this really is Castle inside Rick, he wouldn't know that it was him who I had married._

_I've been confusing him all this time! But he ran for Alexis instead of to me. But Alexis is his daughter. The first love of his life. … Alexis!_

Kate gets up and picks up the towels and heads for the house. If Rick is seeking answers from Alexis maybe Alexis can give her some too.

Once inside Kate finds Alexis sitting at the counter looking at something on Rick's laptop.

Kate steps up to Alexis. "Pumpkin?"

Alexis spins to look at Kate. "It's his Nikki Heat book he's writing. He came charging in and asked me to read it while he went for a walk. But I think you should be reading it, not me." Alexis gets up and offers Kate her seat in front of the laptop.

"I'm going to go check on Alexander and talk with grams. … He took his phone with him in case you want to call him." Alexis heads upstairs to find Alexander and Martha.

Kate knew she was nowhere near the speed reader either Castle or Alexis were, so she started skipping whole paragraphs to try and speed things up, praying that she wasn't missing something important.

Kate caught on fast that Rook was considered dead and that Nikki didn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it, couldn't believe it. She was fighting her own feelings for Rook while fighting to find him.

Kate finally made it to the part about Nikkin being in Montreal following up a lead, when she ended up in a gun fight with a man.

The mystery man suddenly made a break for it and Nikki ended up trying to chase him down, except she lost him. Then a car came racing around a corner with the passenger trying to take shots at Nikki.

Nikki ignored the passenger and emptied her clip into the driver's side and watched the car crash into a light pole. Inside was a dead driver that had 3 rounds from her weapon in him, while the passenger who wasn't wearing a seat belt had almost been ejected from the car out the windshield.

Nikki had quickly searched them and their car before the local police showed up and got in her way.

Now suddenly Nikki was on a boat out at sea. Kate figured she must have gone past a little too much, but decided to not go back now and simply made a note of what page she was on so she could come back later.

Nikki had a gun on somebody who was piloting the boat. A 24' Zodiak with a pair of Yamaha outboard motors on the back. It had a bench for a seat to sit on while piloting. Nikki had his weapon that had a silencer shoved into his left kidney from behind, while they were approaching a much larger yacht.

Now Kate knew she had really missed something. How the hell did Nikki get this far? Kate made another note to come back and re-read this area later.

Kate however kept skipping forward in the story. Nikki was on the yacht searching it while shooting anyone who tried to stop her since all of them seemed to be armed.

Next thing Kate read Nikki was back on the Zodiak, piloting it herself with Rook on the floor behind her, unconscious.

Now Nikki had Rook in a car that didn't appear to be hers, and was on her way to a safe location.

It turned out to be a safe house that Nikki knew about and she was using it to hide Rook in while she tended to his injuries.

Now Kate was reading that Rooks injuries included memory loss. He didn't know who had him or why. What was worse was that he didn't know who Nikki was or that he loved her.

The next pages where about Nikki's pain and not having the man she loved remember her and was actually fighting her. Rook was lost, confused and didn't know if he could trust Nikki. Rook was lost and there was no one to help him. Rook actually ran away while Nikki was out getting more supplies.

He ran away! Kate was suddenly now scared. "ALEXIS!" Kate pulled out her phone and called Rick's phone.

Alexis came running into the room. "MOM?"

"Rook doesn't remember Nikki and has actually run away from her while she is trying to help him with his wounds and memory loss. Where's Rick?" Kate explains quickly.

"He said he was going for a walk while I read his laptop." Alexis explains.

"He's not answering his phone." Kate hung up. "Damn it where did he go?"

"I don't know mom, he just asked me to read and that he was going for a walk." Alexis tells her.

"I'm going looking for him, where are the car keys?" Kate figured she could cover more ground faster with this little car Alexis had mentioned.

Alexis got the keys out of a drawer in the kitchen and handed them over. "Try calling his phone until you get an answer." And Kate ran for the front door.

Kate was so intent on getting in the car and start searching for him, frightened that he had run away, that she almost tripped over him since he was sitting on the steps of the front door.

"**RICK!"** Kate fell on him and wrapped her arms around him and started kissing his face all over. "I thought, …. I feared, …." Kate couldn't get the words out. Kate did however remove one of her arms to wipe her tears away.

"Rook ran away, I thought you had, …." Kate couldn't get herself to say it.

It was only now that Kate saw Rick had been crying too. "You're Nikki, aren't you?" Rick looked directly into her eyes. Kate could only nod her head. "You're, …. You're Kate, … Beckett, aren't you?"

Kate could see the fear in his eyes. He was still lost and was guessing, but how did he know?

"Castle?" Kate decided to risk it and searched his face for an answer.

Rick looked right back at her. "I don't know Kate, I wish I did. I can see things and know certain things but it's like trying to remember a dream. I only have bits and pieces and I can't fit them all together." Rick pauses trying to form the words while looking into Kate's eyes.

"I can see Alexis, and I can feel her here." Rick taps his heart. "I saw her in that hospital bed and I could feel mine breaking. It was like a part of me was lying there with her." Rick let Kate wipe away some of his tears.

"Even before that day there was this person in my mind. She was important, really important. I somehow knew what her name was and knew she was real, and she didn't really exist. It was all so confusing." Rick paused again, still looking directly into Kate's eyes.

"Nikki Heat." Kate offers, getting Rick to nod his head.

"I suck at writing, but I knew I had to get her out of my head and onto paper. Then you sat down in front of me and I saw the perfect face for Nikki Heat." Rick explains.

It got Kate to grin. The book Rick was writing did kinda suck. The plot wasn't all that good. It had far too many gaps in why things were happening, but then Kate knew she had skipped ahead a lot so some part of that was likely on her.

"Castle?" Kate tried again.

"You kept referring to yourself as having been married, and I knew I had never been married. Really married or married in my dreams. And yet all my dreams were filled with Nikki. A faceless Nikki until you showed up.

My life is filled with not remembering people and my dreams of people that I couldn't put names too." Rick didn't know what to do, but Kate had an idea.

Kate placed her hands on either side of Rick's face. "I love you Castle and I'm not running. I don't care how much of me you remember or if you remember me at all. I love the new Rick just as much as the old one." And with tears running down her face, Kate kisses him as softly and as passionately as she can.

After Kate broke from the kiss. "Then I guess it's a good thing I love you too. Kate, … Tell me who I am. I know some thing's, but others are just glimpses of what feel like dreams. Teach me what is real and what is just my imagination working overtime." Rick asks of her.

"You sure? The new Rick isn't so bad." Kate grins shyly.

"Teach me Kate, please. I feel like I loved you so much more than I already do. I want to feel that again." Rick asks of Kate. "My heart feels like there is a hole in it. Something I can't fix for myself."

Kate knew that hole well. Kate had one of her own that she couldn't fix herself either.

"Come on Castle, I think it's time we had a talk and included Alexis, your daughter in this one. Your son isn't old enough yet to talk." Kate stands up and smiles down at him while offering her hands to help lift him up.

Kate leads him back inside the house in search of Alexis holding onto Rick the entire way.

Kate with Rick found Alexis sitting at the breakfast bar on her phone. "Found him." Kate calls out.

Alexis drops the phone on the counter and runs to crash into Rick. "DAD! … Don't do that again dad." Alexis admonishes him while hugging him.

Rick hugs her back. "I'm sorry pumpkin, I just needed, …. I'm not really sure what I needed." Rick shook his head.

Alexis looked up at him. He had called her pumpkin like it was the most natural thing to do. As if he had always done it. It got Alexis to bury herself into him a little further.

"He's still a little lost Alexis, he wants us to teach him." Kate explains.

"We can do that. We were going to teach Alex as he grew up, we can teach you too dad. … Ooooo, I know. Everything goes better with ice cream." Alexis offers and lets go of Rick and hurries to the freezer to start pulling out pints of ice cream.

"You have potato chip ice cream?" Rick asks all excited.

"Potato chip ice cream? Seriously Castle?" Kate makes a face that makes it plain is sounds like crap so it must taste like crap too.

"You mean Ben & Jerry's **"Late Night Snack,"** which has a vanilla bean base with salty caramel swirls and crunchy fudge-covered potato chip clusters. So basically potato chip ice cream?" Alexis asks placing it on the counter.

Rick practically squealed like a girl and sat down at the counter and waited for Alexis to bring out the bowls and spoons.

"Come on Kate, try it. It's sweet, salty taste of deliciousness." Rick offers up a spoonful for Kate to try.

Kate makes a face that she knows this is going to be bad and that she is soooo going to regret this, but opens her mouth anyway.

Then her eyes open wide and out comes a muffled. "Hhhhmmm." Of surprised goodness.

Alexis pushed a bowl filled with it in front of Kate and handed her a spoon. The only sound Kate made after that till she was done, was. "Hhhhmmm." Making sure she cleaned her bowl.

"Oh yea of little faith Kate." Rick places his last spoon full in his mouth.

"Sorry Castle, it's just that it sounded like, ..." Kate decided not to finish that statement.

"You're forgiven." Rick offers up his face with his lips puckered up expecting a kiss. Kate happily gives him a quick kiss to finish up her apology.

"I'm going to go wash off all this sweet salty sticky goodness." Rick informs them and heads for the closest bathroom to wash up in.

"Where was he mom and you called him Castle?" Alexis wants answers.

Kate starts to blush. "He was sitting out front. I practically tripped over him going out the front door, and I'm trying pumpkin. I want Castle back as much as you do, I just worry what we are doing to the Richard Carlisle part of him." Kate moans a little as she moves to wash up at the kitchen sink.

"You yourself said he died in the operating room. They had called it and declared him dead. Dad simply stepped in and brought him back to life. Or someone did." Alexis counters.

Kate knew Alexis had a point. Richard Carlisle had died, long enough to be really dead. Kate thought about it while drying her hands.

_Fine, that Rick died and our Rick stepped in. _"Now what?" Kate asks looking at Alexis.

"We treat him and talk to him like dad. Talk to him about what dad did, fill in the gaps. … You and dad are still in your swimsuits, so maybe we go to the pool and take Alex with us." Alexis offered.

Kate thought about it. Tease Rick with her bikini while messing around in the pool, plus it got Alexander outside. Plus she got to do what she didn't get to do when she declined Castle's offer to come out here until it was too late.

"I'll get Alexander if you want to look for Martha." Kate offers and heads for the master bedroom.

"You're awake. …. Does my handsome young man want to join me in the pool? … Let's see if you are clean first shall we." Kate looked him over. "You are good to go young man." And Kate lifts him up and grabs the baby bag along with a blanket and goes back downstairs.

Finding Rick back in the living room. "We're all going out to the pool." Kate explains and opens the doors to walk to the pool. "You coming Castle?" Kate puts a little extra sway in her hips as she walks for the pool, convinced Rick is right behind her. "Grab some towels Castle?" Kate calls over her shoulder.

"Towels." Rick calls out and runs back for the house, getting Kate to grin.

Kate timed it purposely so that as Rick came through the gate that lead to the pool Kate was pulling her oversized t-shirt off and toss it onto a nearby chair, then bent way over to touch her toes, before starting to step slowly into the pool.

Kate knew she had given him a perfect quick view down the front of her top and made sure her hips swayed as wide as possible while stepping into the pool. Watching Rick through her eyelashes as Rick had stopped dead in his tracks.

It was all Kate could do not to smile at what she was sure he was looking at. "You coming Castle?" Kate purrs from the pool, meaning 'are you going to come and play with me Castle?'

Kate watched Rick jump into the pool and stayed underwater and watched his form head right for her.

_He wouldn't! … Would he? …. Yes he is!_

Kate watched him come right up to her and yank her legs out from under her and drag her down into the water. Kate thankfully had seen it coming so had taken a big gulp of air first.

Rick however did something she hadn't expected, he wrapped his arms around her holding both of them underwater and then kissed her.

Kate could feel his tongue practically force its way into her mouth and then could feel the bubbles from their combined air escaping and rising to the surface.

Kate needed air and didn't know how Rick was still kissing her without having to go up for air.

Kate broke from the kiss and swam for the surface with Rick right behind her. Kate had only just gotten more air in her lungs when Rick was kissing her again.

Kate wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body up close against his and kissed him back with one hand working its way through his hair. Kate broke from the kiss only to kiss him again, pushing her tongue into his mouth, searching it.

Kate could feel is hands roaming her back and felt one of them linger over the tie that held her top in place, almost wanting him to undo it and take her top off, but it didn't. What it did do, was find its way around to her front as he palmed her breast, getting Kate to moan into his mouth.

Kate could feel her need for him rising, as Kate moved one of her hands down to the rim of his swimsuit and give it a little pull. Then Rick broke from the kiss and started to work on her neck while feeling his hand palming her breast.

Kate was coming unhinged. It had been so long! Then Kate could feel his other hand suddenly run it's way over her bikini between her legs. It got Kate to arch her back and push her breasts further into his hand, while letting a sigh escape from her lips.

Kate did her best to hang onto Rick while he assaulted her neck, breast and her, …! Then there was a splash and Rick removed his hands, which only forced Kate to moan at them disappearing on her and trying to force her body into him to find them again.

Rick backed away and Kate leaned her head onto his chest to try and regain control of her breathing and regain her senses.

"I see you two have decided to get wet early." Martha states as she finds a lounge chair to sit in that has shade and read her book at the same time.

Kate decided that it was a good idea that Martha did know just how wet she really was, as Kate decided to submerge into the water and then swim underwater to the far side. Then after taking some deep breathes she started swimming laps in the pool.

Kate did however notice Rick climb out of the pool. He was still too thin for her liking. Kate thought it was a combination of things. Being in a coma too long meant he wasn't eating and then he didn't have much money so he hadn't been eating enough.

Kate knew she had put a stop to that lately, but was he using the exercise room in the garage? She had given him a key. Kate decided to stop and swam over to where Rick was getting ready to sit down.

"Rick?" And motions for him to come close. "Are you using the exercise room?" She wanted him to be more fit, in addition to gain some weight. And watches Rick shake his head.

Kate used one hand to try and lift further out of the pool and with her other hand reached for his ear and gave it a twist.

"Owe, owe, owe. … Apples, apples." Rick cries out from the pain. "Damn woman!" Rick rubs his ear after Kate lets go of it.

"Use the exercise room Rick, that's why I gave you the key." Kate was mad at him.

"Yes mistress, I'll use the room." Rick teases and grins. Only to see Kate reach for his ear again. Getting him to slap his hands over his ears. "Yes Kate." Rick quickly corrects.

Kate was grinning. "You better, don't make me hurt you." Kate goes back out into the pool and back to her laps.

Martha had been peeking over the top of her book during the entire exchange. Katherine was obviously falling in love with him and was clearly in charge. Now was he really her son somehow?


	16. Chapter 16

**CH16 (37)**

Alexis had given up on swimming a little while ago and was now lying in a lounge chair with Alexander lying on top of her. She had started out playing with him but he had decided to sleep instead, now Alexis was just watching him.

Rick was sitting in one of the chairs and was watching Kate swim back and forth time after time.

_Wow, she must really be in shape. No wonder she wants me to use the exercise room._

Rick knew he was falling in love with her and they had been teasing each other for over a month now. Rick knew he wasn't going to last for much longer before he actually tried to end up in bed with her. He had been getting erections that had actually left him in pain for a little while.

Now he was worried that he could satisfy her. He had been eating more lately after having run into Kate literally. He had seen himself in the little mirror he had, and even to him he looked thin.

He also didn't know how big he was compared to other men. Or if he was even the same size that he used to be before, …. before what? He knew he was involved with the family before somehow, but why had he left? And why did they have trouble recognizing him if he was?

Still far too many questions. Kate deserved better, he needed to be better! Might as well get started now, if he could.

Rick got up and walked over to Alexis and kneeled down to her level. Rick couldn't help but place a hand on Alexander's head and mess with his hair. He was so handsome and he could feel his heart rate increase the second he touched him.

"Pumpkin, does this place have any exercise equipment?" Rick softly asks her.

"There is some out in the garage, you had it installed years ago dad." Alexis responds.

"Thanks pumpkin." Rick leans in to kiss her head, then leans over to kiss Alexander's head and heads off in search of the garage.

"The keys are at the front door." Alexis calls to him before he gets out the gate.

Kate saw him go while doing one of her laps and moved over to the side of the pool. "Where's he going?" Kate asks looking at Alexis.

"He wanted to know if we had any exercise equipment. Dad had it installed years ago in one of the bays of the garage." Alexis answers her question.

It got Kate to smile as she turned her head to look where Rick had gone.

After a couple more laps, Kate decide she had done enough swimming for the day and got up, grabbed a towel to dry off then laid down on one of the lounges to get some sun. They had to drive back to the city tomorrow so she wanted to get in as much sun as possible.

Alexander was awake and started putting up a fuss. "It's not his diaper mom." Alexis points out.

"Give him to me then." Kate would need to nurse him each time since she had elected not to bring the pump with them. "Can you hand me a towel?" Kate knew neither of them would mind her nursing her son in front of them, but what if Rick came back.

Kate lifted part of her bikini and allowed her son to latch onto her nipple. "Any ideas what to do for dinner?" Kate asked looking at Alexis as she sat back down.

"I was thinking kabobs if that works for you." Alexis offers. Having seen what was in the refrigerator since she made sandwiches for lunch.

"Sounds perfect, do we have a grill?" Kate didn't know this house. Watching Alexis pointing at something.

Kate turned her head and saw what was probably a propane fired grill with a cover over it. "You want some help?" Kate would help just as soon as her son was done with his meal.

"No I can handle it. It's just a bunch of cutting and I know where the skewers are. You can fire up the grill and get it warmed up though." Alexis offers.

"I can do that. Right after Alexander is done." Kate offers, watching Alexis get up and head for the kitchen.

"You've been quiet over there Martha." Kate points out as she shifts Alexander to her other breast.

"I'm just enjoying my family Katherine. I'm so grateful that you are a part of it dear." Martha was happy that Katherine had finally let her son in and love him back. She may have lost a son, but knew she had gained a daughter.

"I'm pretty sure I'm the lucky one Martha. If I hadn't finally let Castle in I'd still be all alone. Existing, not living. I can't imagine what my mother would have said if she knew what I had done with my life after she was gone. I had screwed it up so bad." Walling off her heart hadn't kept anyone out, it had only trapped her behind it. Living her life all alone.

"And now you have Rick." Martha points out.

"Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves Martha." Kate knew Rick was now a part of her life, just not convinced how big. Alexis was the one that truly believed.

"Nonsense dear. I've seen how you come alive when he is around. Whether he is my son inside or not, you care for him." Martha believes what her eyes show her.

Kate didn't try to deny it. Rick was in her life, just how far in remained to be seen.

Alexander was done and Kate reached for the bag to clean up his mess and put her bikini top back in place, then lifted him to burp him, using the towel in case he spit up anything.

Kate put him in his carrier and went over to fire up the grill and get it warmed up.

Alexis soon showed up with a number of kabobs and started placing them on the grill. "This isn't going to take long, where's dad?" Alexis asks.

"I'll find him, keep an eye on Alexander for me?" Kate walks over to her lounge to get her cover and slip on her flip flops.

Kate started with the main floor of the house then went out the front door headed for the garage.

Kate found him on a treadmill huffing and puffing loudly and was dripping in sweat. Kate stepped up to the side of the treadmill, noticing that Rick has seen her.

"You don't have to do everything in one day Castle. The idea is to increase gradually as you get stronger." Kate was smiling. She had to give him credit that he was trying. "And dinner is going to be done soon so you need to stop anyway." Kate tells him.

Rick has grabbed his towel and is wiping off some of the sweat. "You need a shower Castle, you're stinky." Kate pokes him.

"You coming with me?" Rick lifts his eyebrows a couple of times.

"In your dreams Castle." Kate counters, knowing a stinky Rick wouldn't be any fun. Not that she didn't want some fun.

"Are you quite sure Detective Beckett?" Rick started advancing on her with the intent of hugging her.

"Don't even think about it Castle." Kate starts backing up, however Rick is still advancing on her.

"CASTLE!" Kate gave him his last warning. Rick however lunged for her getting Kate to squeal like a little girl and run for the door.

Kate had the door open when she suddenly stopped, and Rick took this opportunity to chase after her and was just about to hug her, when Kate turned towards him. "You called me Detective Beckett, Castle."

It got Rick to stop in his tracks. "I did, didn't I. … But isn't that your name? Rick twists his head as if that would help somehow.

"It was my name before I married you." Kate points out.

"Kate Castle is Kate Beckett. …. Katherine Houghton Beckett is Katherine Houghton Castle." Rick looks like he had just solved the biggest question in the universe. "You're Detective Beckett! … Detective Beckett of the 12th Precinct, and you're Nikki Heat. … But how are you Nikki Heat if you're Detective Beckett?" Rick looked at Kate utterly confused.

"You dreamed up Nikki Heat by basing her off of me. And I'm still mad at you for naming her Nikki Heat by the way." Kate stands her ground and glares at him.

"It's a good name, it's a cop name." Rick defends the name.

"It's a stripper name Castle!" Kate raised her voice.

"Well she is a little slutty." Rick counters.

Kate is now staring at Rick, shocked.

"I've done this before, haven't I? I mean we've done this before haven't we?" Rick was staring at Kate equally shocked.

Kate started nodding her head, still shocked with her mouth hanging open.

"I was trying, … I was trying so hard, so very hard. You kept pushing and I just wanted to, ..." Rick stops himself before he says something he shouldn't.

Kate steps in closer and strokes his sweaty face with her hand. "I'm sorry Castle, so sorry, so very, very sorry. I was so afraid of loving you. I thought I had to keep you out so I could keep you. I couldn't risk my heart again. If I loved you and lost you, it would destroy me.

But I'm not running anymore Castle. I promise." Kate still has her hand on his face.

Rick starts to reach out to hold her so he can kiss her. However Kate withdraws her hand and pushes him in the chest to hold him back. "You're still stinky Castle and dinner will be ready soon."

"Time for a shower I guess, huh?" Rick offers while smiling.

"Yes please. … We'll be waiting at the pool." Kate withdraws and starts heading for the pool.

"You sure you don't want to join me Detective Beckett?" Rick teased. "You can wash off all the chlorine or I can." Rick was grinning.

"You finally got me in a swimsuit Castle, just be happy with that for now." Kate grins at him while slowly walking away. "Don't take too long Castle." Kate speeds up headed for the pool.

Dinner was over and Martha had excused herself and gone to her room, leaving Rick, Alexis and Kate who was holding Alexander sitting on the sofa. "Movie?" Alexis asked.

"Movie night!?" Rick was interested. "Is there popcorn?" Rick was excited at the prospect.

"I'll go make the popcorn." Alexis offers.

"I'll select a movie." Kate offered, not knowing what was available here.

Alexis was back with three bowls of popcorn and Kate had the movie in the DVD player.

"So what are we watching?" Alexis asked. Getting Kate to press play on the remote.

"Dr. Strangelove! I love this movie!" Rick was excited as he pushed a few pieces of popcorn into his mouth.

"How many roles was Peter Sellers offered?" Alexis asks, knowing the rules to watching movies.

"Easy, four, but he actually only did three. Group Captain Lionel Mandrake, a British RAF exchange officer , President Merkin Muffley, the President of the United States, Dr. Strangelove, the wheelchair-bound nuclear war expert and former Nazi, who gradually loses control of his gloved right hand." Kate answers back knowing Alexis had started with an easy one.

"Who was the Soviet Ambassador?" Kate questions back.

Alexis scrunches her face. "Peter Bull as Soviet Ambassador Alexei de Sadeski." Happy with herself and pretty sure she got it right.

"You two do this often?" Rick asks looking between the two.

"YUP!" Kate and Alexis answer together, with both of them grinning. It had been a bonding agent for both of them and they enjoyed it.

"Can I play?" Rick was excited to play.

"Are you ready to pay the price if you lose?" Kate was grinning.

"Ha, who says I'm losing?" Rick challenges.

Kate leans forward to look at Alexis since Rick was sitting between the two of them.

"Ok dad, what was the name of the pilot of the B-52 bomber on the bomb run into the Soviet Union?" Alexis asks.

"Slim Pickens." Rick offers up, proud of himself.

"That's the name of the actor dad, what was the name of the pilot?" Alexis counters.

Rick turns his head to glare at Alexis, who only smiles back at him. Was she going to get the best of her dad?

"Tick, tick, tick, tick, …." Alexis starts counting down.

"THERE'S A TIME LIMIT?" Rick was shocked.

"It was added during the previous movie." Kate explains. "Tick, tick, tick, …." Kate was grinning wide at Rick's obvious discomfort.

"Major Kong." It was the only name Rick could remember James Earl Jones saying.

"Eerrr, wrong." Alexis tells him. "Major T. J. "King" Kong." Alexis corrects him, then Rick watches her lick her finger and draw a 1 (one) in the air.

"Best two out of three." Kate explains, still grinning wide. This was fun!

"Who was the only female character in the movie?" Kate asks the next question.

Alexis scrunches her face again. There was only one, just the one. She was with Buckey. "Tracy Reed as Miss Scot." Alexis answers smiling, getting Kate to grumble.

"Who sang the song, 'We'll meet again.'?" Rick asks the next question, looking at Kate.

Kate could remember the song, it was part of the ending of the movie. It was a woman's voice. Now it was Kate who was scrunching her face.

"Tick, tick, tick, tick, …." Rick started counting down, getting Kate to glare at him. He was learning too fast.

"Tick, tick, tick, tick, …. Times up." Rick offers, not really knowing how long you had.

Kate hung her head. "I don't know." Kate hated this, and didn't want to know what it was going to cost her if Rick won.

"Vera Lynn." Rick states proudly. It forced Kate to squeeze her eyes closed. _Damn it!_

"Tracy Reed as Miss Scot was seen in two locations in the movie, one was in General Turgidson's bedroom, dressed in a one piece swimsuit. Where was the other location?" Alexis asks her dad.

_I gotcha now dad!_

Rick tried really hard to picture her somewhere other than in his bed.

"Tick, tick, tick, tick, ..." Alexis added a little pressure, trying not to smile.

The only female in the whole movie! Dressed in a one-piece swimsuit, unlike Kate's bikini that he was suddenly picturing in his mind.

"Tick, tick, tick, tick, …." Alexis brought him out of his vision not knowing that she had.

"It's a trick question!" Rick suddenly brightened.

"Times up dad." Alexis announces. Rick however could only hang his head low.

"Tracy Reed also appears as 'Miss Foreign Affairs,' the centerfold in the June 1962 issue of Playboy magazine that Major Kong is shown reading in the cockpit." Alexis provides the answer.

Rick's mouth hangs open as he replays everything that takes place in the cockpit, suddenly remembering that he was looking at a Playboy magazine while flying the plane.

Alexis licks her finger and draws another 1 (one) in the air. "You lose dad." Alexis tells him grinning wide.

Kate was also grinning, but also glad Alexis hadn't asked her that question because she didn't know the answer either.

_Ok, maybe something so stupidly simple that Alexis has over looked it._

"What was Dr. Strangelove's German name?" Kate asks Alexis, since Rick is out of the game.

_Crap! He has a German name? Of course he does, he's a Nazi!_

Alexis knew she was in trouble, big trouble.

"Tick, tick, tick, tick, …." Kate started counting down. Kate could almost see Alexis sweating.

"Tick, tick, tick, tick, …." Kate knew she had her. "Times up."

Alexis hung her head. "I don't know."

"His German name is 'Merkwürdigliebe' which translates to 'Strangelove' in English." Kate answers the question.

And Alexis is forced to watch Kate wet her finger and draw a 1 (one) in the air. Making the game a tie.

"What book was the movie based off of?" Alexis asks her next question.

"Red Alert by Peter George." Kate answers easily.

"Why was the film's release delayed until January 1964?" Kate asked her next question.

Rick had been spending this time looking between the two. _How did they know this much about movies? Even this movie. How many times have these two watched this movie?_

Alexis started silently cursing, she hadn't even been born anywhere near this date. But then neither had her mom. 1964, 1964. What happened in 1964?

"Tick, tick, tick, tick, …." Kate started counting off, trying hard not to start grinning. And failing.

_History class, what happened in 1964?_

"Tick, tick, tick, tick, …." Kate was failing big time at not grinning now.

Alexis decided to take a wild shot. "Peter Sellers was injured." Alexis knew he had hurt his foot. Maybe that had forced them to postpone the release.

"Eeerrr, wrong. JFK had been assassinated during the time of the anticipated release. They decided that the public wasn't in the mood for a movie like this one so its release was delayed." Kate explains.

"I win, I win." Kate sings out and then lifts up a wide awake Alexander to look him in the eye, seeing Castle's eyes look back at her. "What do you think I should win Alexander? Hhhmmm?" Then kisses his face, getting Alexander to smile back at her.

The rest of the movie was watched in relative silence with only an occasional comment.


	17. Chapter 17

**CH17 (38)**

The movie was done and all the popcorn was gone and Kate was back after putting Alexander down in his crib/play pen they had brought with them and were likely to leave behind for next time.

"I'm going to go to bed." Alexis announces. "Night dad" And leans down to give him a kiss to his head. "Night mom." Alexis gives her a kiss too.

"Night pumpkin." Kate and Rick respond almost at the same time.

Alexis had been gone for a few minutes and Kate had her legs curled up under her in the corner of the sofa. "I'm sorry Castle." Getting Rick to look at her funny. 'Sorry about what?' written on his face.

"Alexis and I have a few choice movies that we both love and we've done a lot of research on them so we are prepared for the questions we ask. The betting is relatively harmless. The questions simply add a moment of fun to the movie, since we both have watched a select few so many times.

It wasn't fair to include you in some of the questions." Kate knew a few of them were really hard and that Rick didn't stand a chance.

"When did it start?" Rick didn't even have a dream of it.

"It started with the two of us watching Forbidden Planet, …." Rick interrupts her.

"I love that movie." Rick looked happy, he had remembered something.

"I know. … That movie was followed by watching Battlestar Galactica, then Lost in Space. The questions at first were really simple, they got a little more complex after we discovered they we both loved certain movies. The last one was a Robin Hood movie.

We started, … we started after you were gone." Kate said the last part so softly Rick could barely hear it.

"What happened Kate?" Rick decided he needed to know.

Kate however really didn't want to have to go through this again. "Please Kate, tell me what happened. Parts of my life feels like a dream and not really me."

Kate un-curled her legs out from under her and bent them so that she could hold them tight to her chest and tried to disappear deeper into the corner of the sofa.

"I had finally decided to let you in. I had closed off my heart and you just kept coming back no matter how many times I pushed you away. I finally admitted that I was in love with you, and you told me you loved me too.

I felt so free Castle, I was letting my heart lead my life, I loved you so very much.

I practically never went back to my own apartment, except to get more clothes and move them into the loft. I left the loft to go to work and came back to the loft after I got off work.

They guys were happy for me, for both of us. Even Lanie was happy that I had finally come out of my shell. I was so happy Castle, so very happy. I hadn't felt like that, … I don't think ever. Even before my mother had been killed." Kate pauses to wipe away the tears that had started.

"She had been murdered." Rick whispers out.

Kate nodded her head. "You started looking into her case behind my back and that pissed me off so bad. I was so very mad at you, so very mad." Kate used both hands to wipe the tears away this time.

"I apologized." Rick stated, seeing it as some memory of someone else, only guessing that it was actually him that did it.

Kate nodded her head. "Everything was going so well Castle, everything was perfect. Then you went away for a week long book tour, city after city. Miami, Dallas, Chicago and others.

You called me every day, you even used Skype a couple of times. I got to see you and hear you while I tried to get to sleep all alone in that big bed. I arranged to send you flowers and a banner and I don't know what else in your hotel room in Dallas. It was a surprise you found waiting for you when you checked in.

Alexis had even helped me with it a little. Then Alexis went behind my back and bought me an airline ticket to fly to Chicago, which was your next city after Dallas.

I almost missed my flight. Alexis woke me up just in time to make a mad dash to the airport. The hotel let me in and I changed into something to surprise you in. I don't know what possessed me to buy that some time ago, but it seemed like the perfect thing to greet you in. It was a surprise visit." Kate's tears had slowed down at this point. Remembering this time was a lot more pleasant.

"You had handcuffs." Rick comments, almost seeing Kate standing in the doorway, but couldn't remember what she was wearing.

Kate nodded her head smiling. "You went to your book signing and then came back to me. We went out into Chicago. We ended up at some carnival area that had rides. We ate stupid food, laughed and had fun.

Then you took me to a baseball game. I even caught a foul ball while you were hiding on the floor." Kate grinned while teasing him.

"I NEVER!" Rick took exception.

"I still have the foul ball at the loft." Kate had proof.

"That only proves you caught a foul ball." Rick counters. "Could have been at any game."

"You just keep telling yourself that Castle." Kate grinned.

"Then what?" Rick pushed the story along.

"Then I flew home and went to work. It had been such a perfect day, the most perfect date I had ever been on." Then Rick saw Kate's face go blank and he didn't like the look of it.

"Then I got a phone call, and my life blew up in my face. The Chicago police were calling to tell me you and your publisher had been in a car accident. … You, …. You died, … in that accident." Kate was having trouble breathing and had started crying all over again.

Rick quickly moved across to take Kate in his arms, feeling her wrap her arms around her and start sobbing into his shoulder, her whole body shaking in his arms.

"You were gone Castle! …. Everything was perfect and then you were gone!" Kate went back to crying into his shoulder.

"I stopped eating, didn't care about work anymore, didn't care about my mother's case. All I wanted to do was curl up and die. My world was gone, … in a single phone call. … Just gone." Kate didn't even try to wipe the tears away.

Rick didn't know what to say. Had he done this too her. He knows that he wouldn't hurt her on purpose, he was in pain just listening to hers. All he wanted to do right now was make the pain go away, permanently.

"What changed?" Rick asks. She was hear now and she seemed happy. At least a little.

Kate sniffled and wiped her nose but didn't move or try to let go of him. "You're lawyer showed up, ..." Rick interrupts her.

"Steve." Rick suddenly knew the name, he had talked to him. There was something he had him do, just didn't know what.

Kate leaned back so she could look at him. What she saw however was that he was still lost.

"He showed up with a bunch of papers. Accounts that were left for Martha and for Alexis. There was even an account for me. It was so much money Castle, so very much money. I thought you were rich, I just never thought you were that rich.

But I didn't want it, any of it. I was going to give all of it to Alexis. My world was over anyway." Kate tells him.

What Rick heard however was, she was going to kill herself. Rick couldn't help but pull her into a hug and let her finish talking.

"Then he pulled out papers for me to make me the legal guardian of Alexis. You had left me Alexis.

It was a tiny ray of light, it gave me something to hang onto. … Then he brought out another paper. It was a marriage certificate. You had signed it but not dated it. Steve knew a judge who would sign it by back dating it, but I had to sign it immediately, no time to think about it.

Then he had another set of papers. They were adoption papers for Alexis. If I signed the marriage certificate and then signed the adoption papers, I'd be married and immediately a widow with a family." Kate pauses to wipe her nose again and bury her head back into Rick's neck.

"And you signed them. That's why you're not Kate Beckett anymore but Kate Castle." Rick works out. It suddenly helped clear up some of why he was so confused. He knew he had never been married, ever.

Kate nodded her head. "He also had the combination to the safe in the study. Inside I found this." Kate pulled back and raised up her left hand to show him the ring she still wore to this day.

Rick took her hand in his and looked at the diamond on her finger. He didn't remember it. Its existence meant nothing to him. "You found this in the safe?" Then watched Kate nod her head.

"So how does Alexander fit into this story?" Rick didn't understand. Did Kate get pregnant and not marry the father?

Kate decides to leave out the part of Castle was talking to them from the other side for now. Maybe when Alexis and maybe Martha was with her they would explain it, but not this time.

"I came home from grocery shopping one time and found pregnancy test sticks in the bag that I didn't remember getting. Martha was teasing me about trying to tell her something, so I used them to shut her up.

Except 3 minutes later I found out I was pregnant. After a little math we worked out that I got pregnant when I was in Chicago." Kate stops to let Rick digest what she had told him.

"Chicago. … Like in Chicago that you had flown to. … The perfect day you mentioned." Rick was doing his best to connect the dots.

Kate nodded her head. "It really was a perfect day. Absolutely perfect." Perfect date, beautiful day and she got pregnant with Castle's baby. Both were the love of her life.

"Chicago." There was something. "Chicago, I was pissed when I was in Chicago. I was mad, so very, very mad. I had never been that mad before. I was screaming at someone, she was close and I was so very mad. … It was a her I was mad at.

She did something, …. said something." Rick was twisting his head, trying to remember and clear out the dreams from reality. "So very mad. … So very mad. Something else, after that or about that, because of that?" Rick couldn't get the pieces to fall into place. "So very mad."

"You went on the book tour with Gina, because you had to. She was your publisher, but she was pissing you off the entire trip. She was interrupting your phone calls with me. You kept telling her to shut up and go away." Kate tells him. What had Gina done to get Castle so pissed off? He was the kindest, gentlest person she knew. He had put up with her for so long.

"Gina, …. Gina." He could honestly say he didn't remember a Gina.

"She was your ex-wife. … One of your ex-wives." Kate adds.

"One of!? … How many times have I been married anyway?" Rick was shocked. What kind of man was he?

"Including me? …. Three." Kate tells him.

"THREE!?" Rick backs away from Kate. "Three?" He was worse than he thought.

"Castle no!. … Please babe it's not like that. Meredith your first wife, you married her because she got pregnant. She's actually Alexis's biological mother. Alexis was just a baby when you found her cheating on you. You ended up divorced because of that.

As for Gina, I don't really know why you married her, we never really talked about why you married her and divorced her. My opinion for what it's worth is that you wanted a family for Alexis. You grew up without a father and you wanted a family for her. As to why Gina, I don't know.

Alexis tells me that Gina never paid any attention to her. Gina had no interest in her; she just showed interest in you." Kate tells what little she knows.

"You're a good man Castle, a very kind, gentle and generous man. It's part of why I fell in love with you. As to why I signed the paper and married you. … Part of it was because of Alexis. I was falling in love with her like I was you, and I couldn't leave her all alone. And I likely would have said yes had you asked me.

Besides Alexis saved me after you were gone. I think we saved each other. We were both hurting so very much. Then along came Alexander. He's gorgeous Castle, he's my perfect little man. He's all I had left of you Castle. The two of them put my heart back together." Kate was saved by both of them, and she knew it.

"Alexander, … is, ..." Rick isn't sure he could finish what he was thinking.

"Alexander is your son Castle." Well your son before you died. Kate adds to herself. "He just doesn't look like you now."

"Alexis is my daughter and Alexander is my son. … So who is Martha?" Rick couldn't see her even a little for some reason.

"Martha is your mother Castle." Kate explains.

Rick let out a huff as he exhaled a breath. He had a mother, daughter and a son. So where was his father?

"Castle, … How did you get here? I mean you died in Chicago. Lanie even did the autopsy on your body." Kate wanted to know what he knew now. It was his turn to start talking.

"I don't really know. I don't feel like I was anyplace, not really. I can remember that I was really mad. Mad at someone I think. I felt cheated somehow. … Something I wanted to do. Something I promised to do maybe. I know I was alone, all alone and I hated it.

Until you showed up in that coffee shop I was still alone. Alone in the hospital, alone in physical therapy, alone after I was discharged. I had a name and that was all." Rick didn't know much else.

Kate didn't understand something. "You said they lost your ID, didn't they contact social services or someone? They can't just throw you out onto the street. Do you know the name of the hospital you were in?" Kate could look up their records when she got back to work.

"James J. Peters, I think." Rick wasn't sure. Names confused him at the time.

"That's a VA hospital, that means you were in the military at one time. Though it does explain why they helped you when you couldn't pay them for your care. What did you do in the military?" Kate asks. Watching Rick shake his head.

_He doesn't remember being in the military. Kate didn't see it in his records that she looked up. There were some gaps in his college schools and his teaching jobs._

Kate decided to do some more searching when she got back to work.

"I should check on Alexander, we forgot to bring the baby monitor with us." Kate wipes away the remnants of her tears and starts for the stairs.

"I should probably go to bed." Rick offers.

"No stay there, this won't take long." Kate wasn't ready to go to bed or get away from Castle just yet.

Kate went into the master bedroom to check on Alexander, except he wasn't in his crib. For just a heart beat Kate started to panic and then moved to Alexis's room on a hunch.

Kate carefully opened the door and waited for her eyes to adjust. Sure enough, in a large bed was a sleeping Alexis who had arranged a number of pillows around 3 sides of Alexander with Alexis herself on the 4th side.

It got Kate to smile, Alexis was going to be a perfect mother herself one day, if she wasn't already. Kate was forced to silently chuckle, it was sometimes hard to tell who was the mother of Alexander.

Kate moved slowly and as quietly as possible to look down on him to see him lying there sleeping soundly, looking as cute and/or as handsome as ever.

Kate retreated and went back downstairs to find Rick standing at the doors looking out towards the beach.

Kate walked up to him and took hold of his right arm in both her hands. "Walk with me?" Kate nods her head out the doors.

Rick opens them and closes them behind him and Kate latches back onto his arm as they head for the beach. Once they reach it they manage to select a direction and start walking up the beach.

"I like this, it's so quiet and peaceful sounding. Nothing but the sound of the ocean." Rick was at peace out here.

"Rick, there is something I need to tell you. Please don't get mad. … Promise?" Kate had something to tell him.

"Must be bad if you need a promise. I promise not to be mad until after you finish." If Rick didn't know what it was how could he promise.

Kate squeezed his arm a little tighter so he couldn't run off from her. "I took the name you gave me of Richard Carlisle and looked you up." Kate paused to gauge his reaction, but got nothing.

"I found a Richard Carlisle in a town called Pittsburg in Kansas. You were born in Topeka, Kansas. You attended Kansas University for 2 years. Then you disappeared for 2 years before I found you again in a University in Topeka, Kansas. You stayed there for 2 years before you disappeared for a year.

Then I found you in a teaching job in Wichita Kansas for a few years before you moved to Pittsburg Kansas. You taught part time at a community college for about 2 years before you disappeared for another year.

Then you were hired full time to teach Math and PE at the same community college.

I called the college and they confirmed that you were employed there. You had talked about going to New York City during the summer for a visit.

From the time line you were here for less than a week when you were involved in your car accident.

While you were in the hospital an F5 tornado blew through Pittsburg, your house was one of the ones destroyed. The school told me your paychecks were direct deposited to a local credit union. Without ID or your social security number they would only tell me that you had open accounts with them.

You have money Rick, I just don't know how much or how to get you access to it. Maybe my lawyer can.

What I don't understand is how you got medical treatment at a VA hospital. Were you ever in the military?" Kate explains what she has done and hangs onto his arm.

"Topeka, Wichita and Pittsburg all in Kansas. … I don't have any kind of memory of those places. I don't even know that I've heard of them before." Rick didn't even see them as a dream.

"Parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents maybe. Anyone?" Rick asks.

Kate shakes her head. "Your parents are dead, you were an only child, grandparents are gone as are your Aunts and Uncles. There's just you. … Did you join the military?" Kate didn't dig very deep.

Rick shakes his head. "Nothing comes to mind. … Not married? No girlfriends?" Rick asks not remembering any of them if he did.

"No you're single, and I didn't ask anyone if you had left someone behind." It hadn't occurred to Kate. "The VA only takes people that have been in the military Rick. … Air Force, Army, Marines?" Kate left off Navy since Kansas was a long ways from any ocean.

Rick only shook his head. Then he looked down at himself. He was thin, maybe a little too thin, he also didn't see a lot of muscles.

Kate had noticed him looking at himself. "You were in a coma for months Rick. It would explain your weight loss." Kate offers.

Rick took it as a possible answer. Then he ran his hands through his hair. It was short but not military short, but that might be explained by the coma too. Though it was getting longer since he hadn't had it cut lately. Money was too tight to spend it on that.

"You're not mad?" Kate asked still worried.

"About looking into my past?" Rick shook his head. "I should be thanking you, it was more than the hospital did." Rick points out.

It got Kate to let out a breath she didn't notice she had been holding. Kate was afraid he would be mad.


	18. Chapter 18

**CH18 (39)**

Kate and Rick walked back to the house with Kate hanging onto his arm still.

Kate said her good nights and went into the master bedroom and changed for bed. He doesn't look like Castle, feel like Castle or taste like Castle, and yet so much of him was Castle. But there were still holes in his memory.

Would that ever change? And what was she hoping for? What was she waiting for?

Kate moved over to her closed door and reached for the handle, but didn't touch it, and actually withdrew her hand.

"I did this in L.A. and look what it got me. It took me another few weeks to wake up." Kate leaned her head up against the door. "So many what if's." What if I had kissed him then. What if he had waited in the living room area just a minute longer? What if I had chased him to his bedroom?

"I promised I wasn't running." Kate straightened up and yanked the door open only to find Rick standing right outside her door with his right hand up in the air looking like he was ready to knock on her door.

_I'm not running, not running. No more what if's, no more! I've lost too much already. I believe, it's stupid but I believe._

Kate grabbed him and yanked him stumbling into her room and closed the door and then shoved him up against it and kissed him, hard.

Kate grabbed his hands and lifted them up above his head and held them against the door while she attacked him with her lips.

Rick wasn't wearing a shirt and he was taller than her so she got back down off of her tippy toes and moved from kissing his lips to working on his nipples, sucking and biting them till they were red and hard.

Kate then used a leg and stepped in-between his and started grinding on his leg while continuing to assault his chest, trying her best to leave as big a hickey mark around each of his nipples as she could. She wanted to mark him.

Kate softened her hold on his arms that were still pinned above his head so she could work her lips a little lower.

Rick took immediate advantage of that by using his height and weight to his advantage to spin Kate, push her up against the door and trap her hands above her head while his lips assaulted hers, then worked his lips lower to start sucking and biting her neck. Leaving his own hickey marks to mark her.

"Please Castle, it has been sooooo long." Kate wanted him.

Kate was blinking her eyes awake and found herself draped all over Rick, both of them still naked.

As Kate's mind started to wake up it automatically back to last night and it soon had her grinning. Castle had explored every inch of her last night, she had, had 3 orgasms before he released his hold on her long enough for her to reciprocate and please him.

Kate found out that this Castle was a lot thinner than the other Castle, however he was also a lot longer. Going down on him had proven to be a real challenge, it had also forced her to take him inside her very slowly. It had been a while since anyone had been inside her and it took her some time to adapt to him being inside her.

Kate had screamed out his name into the pillow she was forced to grab twice before she could feel him climax inside her. Then Kate had found out that there was a spot deep inside her that no man had ever found before.

Even now she felt a little twinge of pain down there and it felt heavenly. Kate started by kissing his chest while working her way up till she was kissing the stubble on his chin. She found that she liked him with a little stubble, it made him more ruggedly handsome. Plus the abrasion of the stubble had other benefits that she hadn't expected, which only got her grinning wider.

Rick was soon blinking his eyes open and was looking down at her. "Morning." Rick smiled down at her.

"Morning." Kate smiled back and kissed him swiping her tongue across his lower lip asking for entrance. After getting it Kate searched his mouth and could still find a mere hint of her taste on his lips from the night before.

"You keep that up and you're going to start round 2." Rick warned her.

Kate stopped kissing his chin and smiled. "More like round 5 but have it your way. … We need to get up. We need to shower and I need to feed Alexander, we didn't bring any bottles and my breasts are starting to hurt." Kate confides.

"I can help you with that." Rick arches his eyebrows a couple of times.

Kate lightly slaps his chest. "Down boy. … Sorry babe but until Alexander starts eating something more solid, my breasts belong to him. You're just going to have to learn to share." Kate was smiling, this felt and sounded so familiar.

"Well since he's mine, sort of, I suppose I can learn to share." Rick bent his head down to her so he could kiss her.

"Come on Rickey, into the shower." Kate rolled off of him and walked for the shower, putting a little extra sway in her hips, knowing full well Castle was watching her walk away. "Stop staring at my ass and get in here Castle."

Kate was dressed and headed for the kitchen since Alexis's bedroom door was open and the room empty. "Hi pumpkin, how was Alexander?" Kate let her know that she knew where they both were last night.

"He was perfect mom, I've already changed his diaper, but we don't have any bottles. I don't think we planned this two day trip properly." Alexis points out.

"I can feed him, not a problem if you want to start breakfast. Do we have anything for breakfast?" Kate didn't know exactly what was in this house.

"Leave it to me. … Mom, what's up?" Alexis thinks she sees something, just not sure yet what that is.

"Nothing, just going to miss the beach." Kate deflects.

"No that's not it. That would make you sad and you look happy, really happy. … In fact you've been smiling since you came down here." Alexis stares at Kate seeing that Kate was still smiling.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Kate headed for her son.

"Uh huh. … I haven't seen that kind of smile since, … since." Alexis is close, just needs a little something, and seeing her mom start to blush before she turns her head. **"MOM!"** Alexis has it, she knows she does.

"Alexis don't go jumping to any conclusions." Kate warns her.

"JUMP! … Seriously mom? Interesting choice of words." Alexis was grinning.

"ALEXIS HARPER CASTLE!" Kate jumped back over to the breakfast bar with Alexis in the kitchen.

"You tell me everything dad said and I don't mean what he said behind closed doors, and I'll drop it." Alexis offers.

"ALEXIS! … Keep your voice down." Kate looks around.

"Better hurry up mom, this is a limited time offer. Grams and dad will be down here soon." Alexis points out.

"Ok, .. Ok, I'll tell you everything Castle said, to a point." Kate put her head down on the counter top and moaned. "What am I going to do with you?"

"You can tell me you love me and go feed Alex." Alexis offers, grinning wide.

"I love you, … barely. … I'll be outside feeding Alexander. Let me know when breakfast is ready and then we can go for our morning run down the beach." Kate was pretty sure she could run Alexis into the ground. Hopefully, since Alexis was getting better that thought wasn't a given anymore.

Kate was sitting outside with a towel covering her just in case with Alexander attached to her nipple when Alexis poked her head out. "Breakfast is ready when you two are." And goes back inside.

Kate was forced to shake her head. You just don't get any privacy in this family. And yet she had a family. She had a daughter that loved her, even if she did tease her mercilessly and she had a son.

Martha may be her mother-in-law, but she was a mother, and Kate didn't have one anymore.

Then there was her father. GOD what was she going to do with her father?

Alexander was done as he let go of her nipple with a little pop sound.

Kate cleaned up his mess and covered back up and went inside, finding Martha and Rick downstairs.

With breakfast over. "Let's go change pumpkin, I'm going to run you into the ground." Kate challenges her.

"Good luck with that mom." Alexis accepts the challenge.

"We'll be back in about an hour." Kate informs Martha and Rick.

"That's nice dear, you two have fun. … Rick and I will be here having a nice talk." Martha waves them away with her hand and takes Rick's arm and walks away with him.

It left Kate standing there. 'OH SHIT!' written all over her face.

Alexis takes Kate's arm. "Come on mom, it's time for you to eat crow." Alexis has to almost literally drag Kate out the door.

The run was mostly done in silence until Kate suddenly stopped.

Alexis stopped with her but kept running in place. They hadn't gotten very far and knew her mom could easily go a lot further. "Don't worry about grams mom. She's just curious. We're all trying to figure out just how much of dad is in there."

Kate however shook her head, that wasn't what was on her mind. "Pumpkin, … I need you to do something for me." Kate asks of her.

Alexis stopped running, Kate sounded serious so Alexis gave her all of her attention. "Anything mom, … anything." Alexis started staring at her.

"I need you to call my dad and see if he'll come over and talk to you so he can meet his grandson." Kate asks of her. It could be lunch. Dinner sounded too formal.

Kate could see the 'Why me?' on her face.

"The last time I saw my dad, Castle had just died not too long ago and I had just found out I was pregnant. My father asked me to have an abortion.

I've been through a lot with my dad, but that was more than I could take. He hasn't even seen Alexander and no matter how mad or disappointed I am in him, he's still Alexander's grandfather.

He deserves a chance to see him." Kate reasons out.

"And what about you mom? He is your dad." Alexis didn't understand really. She was so close with her dad, why wasn't Kate the same with hers?

"I'm going to be at work. It's safer that way." Kate lowers her head and looks at the sand.

"Safer for who mom?" Alexis hated this idea.

"Safer for both of Alexis. … He asked me to kill my son. He wanted me to murder Castle's son before he was even born. How am I supposed to get over that? Alexander was the only piece of Castle that I still had.

I'm not murdering my own son!" Alexis needed to understand. This was as good as it was going to get.

"Maybe he miss spoke?" Alexis offers.

"Miss spoke? How do you miss speak asking me to get an abortion?" Kate hadn't miss heard what her father had said.

"Mom?" Alexis wanted to talk her out of being kept out of this.

"Fine, don't do anything. Discussion is over." And Kate takes off running, leaving Alexis behind her.

Alexis is still in shock and watches Kate run on down the beach, leaving her behind. Alexis turns and walks for the house, wondering how she can fix this. Kate was being stubborn.

Alexis entered the house to find Martha and Rick sitting on the sofa with Alexander on the sofa who was between them. "Alexis dear, you're back. … Where's Katherine?" Martha questions as she watches Alexis close the door behind her.

"Mom decided to keep running." And then walked for her room to take a shower and change. Maybe she could think of something before her mom got home.

Kate returned and found Martha, Alexander and Rick in the same place Alexis had. "I'm going to take a shower, I'll be down in a few minutes. You two can think about what you want to do before the drive back home."

Kate was walking down the hallway for the master bedroom and its on-suite to take a shower when Alexis came out of the bathroom, with her hair still a little wet. "Mom." Alexis continued to walk past Kate.

Kate however reached out and grabbed her arm. "Come on pumpkin, we need to talk. … please." Kate let go of Alexis and continued into the bedroom and waited at the door.

Alexis followed though she was still a little mad at Kate about her dad.

Kate closed the door. "Have a seat pumpkin." Kate started wandering the bedroom, trying to screw up a little more courage.

"You know my mother was killed when I was young." Kate paused watching Alexis nod her head.

"What you probably don't know is that my dad turned to the bottle and drank himself into a brain dead stupor. Almost literally.

I'd come home and find him passed out on the sofa, the floor, his bed, pretty much anyplace. There would be empty liquor bottles lying around all over.

I'd pick him up, clean him up, strip him of his clothes and shove him into the shower. Then I would clean up the mess he made. Throw out the empty bottles and pour the ones that still had anything in them down the drain. Then I would dress him and put him to bed.

Only to repeat it, day after day, week after week. It got so I didn't want to come home anymore. There wasn't anyone there. Mom was dead and dad was, … gone.

I grew up in those weeks, learned the only person I could count on was me.

The few times I did come home I'd find him passed out with even more bottles everywhere. He had even puked on himself and countless places in the house. No food, just liquor bottles. I had no idea where he kept getting them from since he was never on his feet when I saw him.

Then I came home and found out it wasn't home anymore. He had stopped making mortgage payments and we were evicted. No home, no mom, no dad. I managed to find a small apartment that we could afford and put him in it. But nothing changed.

Then I got a call to go to the hospital. Dad had drunk himself into alcohol poisoning. The hospital kept him for 2 days. Only to have him repeat it again and again. The medical bills were piling up and the money mom and dad had was going fast.

I dropped him at a rehab door and never went back. I worked two jobs to pay for school and then joined the police academy. I wanted who had done this to my family. Mom was dead, dad was just as dead and all my dreams were up in smoke.

You grew up with your father pumpkin, I grew up with a drunk. Who's now a homicidal drunk that wanted me to kill my baby." Kate paused and all but fell onto the floor with her back up against the bed.

"I tried so hard to keep your father out. Everyone I loved was either dead or left me. I couldn't let him in and hurt me. I had to keep him out, … I had to." Kate was falling apart again and crying openly.

Alexis got down on the floor with Kate but was afraid to touch her, she looked so fragile.

"But you did mom." Alexis pointed out, that action gave her a mother. Something she had never had and didn't look like she ever would.

Kate started nodding her head. "Your father gave me back my life. My old dreams may be gone, but he gave me new ones. You grew up with the perfect father pumpkin, mine is a drunk who's been changed by all the alcohol. One that thinks I should have had an abortion.

The only family I have is you, Alexander and Martha, and I wouldn't have that if I hadn't let Castle in." Kate reaches out and takes Alexis in her arms. "I'm sorry pumpkin, I don't mean to be mad at you. It's just my father isn't your father, and if he really has found a way to come back, then he's an even more amazing man than I ever thought possible, and I still don't know what I did to deserve him."

"I really am sorry mom, I just didn't understand. Dad never did go into that kind of detail. He just kept saying it was complicated. … "I'll drop it mom, I promise. But you still need a shower, you stink." Alexis pulls away and pokes Kate in the shoulder and wrinkles her nose.

"Why thank you for stating the obvious daughter of mine." Only to end up back in Alexis's arms again. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?"

"Because I am your daughter. You're more mother than my real mother ever has been and likely ever will be. … And thanks. I could have ended up living with her after dad was gone." Alexis hated that idea.

"Oooo, now that is a scary thought." Kate teases. "Maybe I should dress up as Meredith next Halloween." Even act like her maybe. Now that would be scary.

Alexis shakes her head. "You do and I'm keeping Alex." Alexis was teasing. It got Kate to start laughing.

"Come on, help me up, we're still on vacation and we're losing time." Kate is up with a little help from Alexis who finds herself in a bear hug. "I really do love you pumpkin, don't ever think I don't."

"I love you too mom. … Now go shower while I change clothes. I'm a mess." It earned Alexis a kiss to her head as Kate headed for the shower.

**It was now one month later:**

Kate and the guys finally found both of their cars, stripped by a bunch of local kids. They also found the bar they had both been in.

The woman who made the 911 calls had ratted out her ex-boyfriend. He was a possessive jerk and had thought the drunk guy had been trying to hit on her. His friend had tried to break it up and got knifed for his trouble.

His drunken buddy had tried to come to his rescue and they both ended up dying because he had claimed her as being his, and had killed to keep her.

Kate and Rick had gone out on several more dates, all of which had brought Kate back into the loft happy.

Little by little Alexis was seeing her mom more and more happy.

**Sign up for a mud run or color run**

Dirt — and lots of it — is the pervading theme at these non-competitive fun runs spouting up around the country. They often require you to work in tandem, which is an awesome way to bond, and the finish-line sometimes stocks celebratory beer tents for thirsty participants**. **It was a little outside of town but easy to reach.

**Rent bikes** – Go on a biking tour of your area. There are often organized bike tours or routes already mapped out for you. This one also turned out to be part scavenger hunt. The winners got two tickets to a Yankee baseball game.

**Go horseback riding** – Find a local stable and either take a guided ride, a lesson or rent horses if you already know how to ride. Giddy up! This one was a 2 hour drive back out to the Hamptons. They spent the night in the master bedroom.

**Whip out the board games.** Have a tournament of your choice – Battleship, Monopoly, cards, Playstation, etc. For a twist, the winner has to take the loser out to dinner for another date night.


	19. Chapter 19

**CH19 (40)**

Kate had won the first board game marathon. Risk Star Wars The Clone Wars Edition. Rick had been so caught up in playing Star Wars that he wasn't paying attention and Kate had beaten him badly.

Since Rick lost he had decided to do a lunch date on one of Kate's days off. It was going to be a picnic lunch in the park. Since he didn't have a picnic basket he was presently packing one of two backpacks to put everything into.

Rick answered the front door finding Kate at his door, right on time. "Hi babe." Kate stepped in and gave Rick a quick kiss. "Where are we going?"

"We're having a picnic. I'm packing one of the backpacks with plates, glasses, wine, water, silverware, napkins, if you want to pack the other one with the food. It's in the kitchen." Rick explains.

"Picnic! Like a picnic in the park?" Kate was excited.

"Yup, bunch of finger foods, roasted chicken, watermelon, wine, maybe a couple of shots of your favorite Tequila." Rick offers.

_YES! Castle should lose more often._

Kate took the second backpack out of his hand and went into the kitchen to find the food he had put together.

Kate was part way through when there was a knock on his door. "Did Alexis come with you?" Rick calls out.

"No, she's watching Alexander." Kate answers back from the kitchen.

Rick moves to the door to answer it and opens it to find a guy, probably in his 40's, wearing a suit with the coat open at his door.

Initially Rick wonders if it was one of the guys he had done an interview with for an Illustrator positon that Kate had sent him to.

"Mr. Richard Carlisle?" The guy asked calmly.

Rick was confused for a moment. Kate, Alexis and Martha were all calling him Castle or just Richard. He had to force himself to remember that, that wasn't his name now.

"Yes." Rick didn't recognize him.

"I need to speak with you Mr. Carlisle. I have a Mockingbird event that requires your help." He tells him, and steps into the apartment going past him.

Kate moves from the kitchen into the living room. "Who was at the door babe?"

Rick's visitor turns quickly which causes his jacket to open a little wider. **"GUN!"** And Kate takes hers out from behind her back since she had come directly here from stopping at work to check on the guys and their new case.

"Everything is fine, take it easy, I'm going to pull out my ID." The guy responds holding up one of his hands.

"On your knees, NOW!" Kate yells at him.

"I'm going to pull out my ID." He tries again.

"You keep your hands where I can see them and get on your knees, NOW. Or I'll put a round in you. I'm NYPD, so do as I tell you. NOW!" Kate informs him.

"Alright, alright." And Kate watches him hold his hands out from his body and slowly kneel down onto his knees.

Kate keeps her weapon trained on him and slowly moves in to remove his weapon from him, and secures it behind her back. "Hands behind your head."

"This isn't necessary, if I could just show you my ID." He tries again.

"Hands behind you head, NOW!" Kate is not nterested in his ID yet.

Kate moves in and with one hand applies her cuffs to one hand and brings his hand down and notices that this guy cooperates and brings his other hand down for her to cuff him without her having to put her weapon away to use both hands.

It was a good sign as far as Kate was concerned. As soon as he was cuffed, Kate put her own weapon away. "ID?" Kate asks him finally interested in who this guy was.

"Upper left pocket." He responds.

Kate reaches in and pulls it out opening it, half expecting it to say something like FBI or something. IT DIDN'T.

"Ok, thanks Espo." Kate hangs up her phone. "Seems you check out." Kate pulls out her keys and removes her cuffs. Gives him back his ID and his weapon. "Next time it would help if you identify yourself first." Kate offers up her suggestion.

"I'll keep that in mind, though to be honest I wasn't expecting you and Richard knows me." He informs Kate.

"I know you?" Rick was shocked.

"Rick?" Kate asks him.

"I've never seen him before in my life." That got their new guest to whip his head around to look at Rick.

**It was now one hour later:**

Rick's unexpected guest was Commander Donald Pfaff with Military Intelligence.

Rick, according to Commander Pfaff was Richard Carlisle, 11B3VW9 (HALO/SCUBA qualifed), with Ranger training.

Team leader of an LRS team:

**Long Range Surveillance** (LRS) (pronounced "lurse") are elite, specially-trained surveillance units of the United States Army employed for clandestine military operations by the Military Intelligence for gathering direct human intelligence information deep within enemy territory. Classic LRS employment is to infiltrate deep into enemy territory, construct hide and surveillance sites, and provide continuous surveillance/special reconnaissance of an intelligence target of key interest. LRS teams allow 24-hour surveillance and analysis coverage unlike Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAVs), manned aircraft, and most satellites. Assuming there is no mission compromise, these teams typically remain in position for up to 30 days, as determined by the availability of food and water.

His unit was attached to:

**ISTAR** stands for intelligence, surveillance, target acquisition, and reconnaissance. In its macroscopic sense, ISTAR is a practice that links several battlefield functions together to assist a combat force in employing its sensors and managing the information they gather.

Information is collected on the battlefield through systematic observation by deployed soldiers and a variety of electronic sensors. _Surveillance_, _target acquisition_ and _reconnaissance_ are methods of obtaining this information. The information is then passed to intelligence personnel for analysis, and then to the commander and his staff for the formulation of battle plans. Intelligence is processed information that is relevant and contributes to an understanding of the ground, and of enemy dispositions and intents.

ISTAR is the process of integrating the intelligence process with surveillance, target acquisition and reconnaissance tasks in order to improve a commander's situational awareness and consequently their decision making. The inclusion of the "I" is important as it recognizes the importance of taking the information from all of the sensors and processing it into useful knowledge.

"I am sorry Richard, your being on vacation in New York City was just a cover to allow you to transfer to your assignment.

I heard you were involved in an accident and arranged for you to be transferred to JJP. The hospital then managed somehow to lose your ID and you slipped through the cracks in the system.

It took a lot of work to track you to here." Don tells him.

"So is he even a teacher or is it all just a fake?" Kate asks.

"Oh no, Richard really is a teacher. Most assignments for his team only last during summer break and we were only too willing to work with that time frame. There have however been a couple of exceptions over the years." Don explains.

"So now what?" Rick asks since he didn't remember any of this. He didn't even feel like Richard Carlisle. Everyone he knew called him Castle, Richard or dad, and that's who he was. Even if there were still a few holes in his memory.

"I'm going to have someone go over all the medical records at JJP. I can't imagine not remembering who you are. You really are good Richard, or at least you were.

I'll arrange to have someone update your status and have all of your ID cards sent to you here. I'll also give you your information to allow you to access your bank account back in Pittsburg, Kansas.

And get someone on your insurance company to have them pay out for the loss of your home.

And while you didn't complete your mission, you were injured while being transferred to your assignment, so I'll have all your back pay forwarded to you here." Don pauses to let all that sink in.

"I am sorry to lose you Richard, you really were good. I'll make sure to have your status changed to inactive due to medical reasons.

You've served your country well Master Sergeant." Don salutes and then shakes his hand.

Don stops at the door. "Try not to lose this one Master Sergeant, she looks like a keeper." Don was smiling, wishing he was a few years younger. "Sorry, I forgot you don't remember. You have a new life Richard, try not to screw it up." Don slaps Rick in the shoulder and heads for the stairs and home.

Rick comes back to Kate, and watches Kate salute him. "Master Sergeant."

"Oh funny ha, ha." Rick sat down on the sofa but didn't look very happy.

Kate sat down next to him. "Babe I was teasing." Kate takes a hold of one of his arms.

Kate could see something big coming, something soul searching was on his lips. His face was tight and he was concentrating too hard.

"What babe? You can talk to me. I'm not running." Kate squeezes his arm, offering him to talk.

"Who am I Kate?" Rick asked his big question. "I've learned that I know you, I know Aleixs, I even know my mother. But I'm not me. I'm not the man you knew and I know I'm not this Richard Carlisle. ... So who am I?"

Kate didn't like this question, it felt like he was pulling away, and they had made great strides in the last 2 months.

Kate put her hands on each side of his face. "Just because you don't look like you anymore doesn't mean you're not Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle. … And I kinda like the new you." Kate smiled at him and then leaned in to give him a quick kiss.

"There is a lot of the old Castle that I fell in love with and you have an air of mystery about you now. I feel like while you are peeling my onion layers off me, I get to do the same with you now." Kate gave Rick another quick kiss.

Kate took his hands in hers. "Castle?" Getting a "Hhhmm?" Back from him.

"Do you remember anything more about Chicago?" Kate meant the accident, but also that she met him there as a surprise. And it was where she ended up pregnant with his child.

"I, … I can remember that I felt happy, there was something and I'm guessing someone, likely you, that made me that happy. And then I was mad, just really mad. Then there was this flash. I don't know, it's hard to describe.

I feel like I fought and debated with someone, but I wasn't anywhere and I don't remember seeing who I was talking to. It was like being nowhere talking to no one, and yet I was.

I felt like I was losing the debate, and that only urged me to try harder. I don't know if I won or lost, then I woke up in the hospital and didn't remember anything.

Everything started to change after you showed up with Alexis. I was sure you were gone and never coming back. But I also felt like Alexis knew the answers to a lot of my questions.

I felt like someone with orange hair should know all the answers, right. I mean how many people do you see with orange hair?" Rick knew more now naturally since he spent a lot of time with them.

"Castle, …" Kate didn't know if she should or what it would mean if she did. "Chicago was one of your book signing sites. I met you there and we had a really perfect day. It made me confirm why I was in love with you.

We made love in the your hotel room, went out and tried to paint the town red. Even if we didn't have any red paint. Then stopped at another hotel and made love again.

I couldn't get enough of you." Kate could see Rick grinning and was thinking of smacking it off his face, when it went away by itself. "We found out later that you were in a taxi with your publisher who had been driving you insane the entire tour.

Your taxi ran a red light and you were t-boned violently in the middle of the intersection." Kate could easily imagine it was Gina he was mad at. "Chicago was also the place where Alexander was conceived. … After you were gone he was all I had left of you. He may not be yours biologically now, but he is your son, and I want him to be your son." Kate had reached a conclusion, and it was scary.

_I'm not running, I'm not. I lost him and he's mostly back and I love him just as much._

"Castle, I love you, and I, ..." Kate didn't know how to ask him. "To you it's only been 2 months, but to me it's been over a year since I first started to love you, and I'm not repeating my old mistakes.

Castle!" Kate looks him square in the eye. "I love you. I loved you then and I love you now. I know you at least like me, even if you are a little afraid of what you don't remember. Maybe someday you will and maybe you won't, but it doesn't matter either way. Not to me."

_Do I put my heart on the line? I'm not running. I've already paid a heavy price for running._

"Castle. … Marry me Castle." Kate squeezed his hands. Kate even thought about sitting in his lap to keep him from jumping up and running away. "I don't mean tomorrow or next month or even any month after that. I don't want to lose you Castle.

I know men have commitment issues and this is a big one. Ok THE big one. But I love you, and I want there to be a future with us together. A place we are both trying to reach." Kate placed her heart in his hands again. Only this time it was a different Castle, but she loved this Castle. Just did this Castle love her too?

"I have a question Kate. … Where did you get the ring?" Rick holds up her left hand. There were still blocks in his mind, was this one of them? Like Kate referring to herself as Kate Castle instead of Kate Beckett.

"After you were gone, your lawyer came by and went over your will and all the changes you had made while we both were in Chicago. I didn't know you had made them, only that we went to a bank for some reason.

Anyway, while he was there he gave me the combination to your safe in the study. Inside was a weapon, a stack of papers and a little black box, which had this in it.

It fit perfectly so I knew you meant it for me. I had only just signed the marriage certificate when I found it. I put it on and left it on.

I cried for hours Castle, knowing that even before you left on your book tour you were thinking of asking me to marry you. … It nearly broke me that you loved me enough to do this only to have lost you." Kate wiped away her tears and took the ring off and placed it in Rick's hand and curled his fingers around it.

"It's yours now, you can give it back to me, … or not. But in my heart I'll always be Mrs. Katherine Houghton Castle." Kate jumped up off the sofa and ran out the door crying the entire way and didn't stop till she made it to the loft, and ran for the master bedroom and closed the door.

Falling onto the bed and curled up and started crying even harder till it took her breath away.

Alexis answered the front door. "Hi dad, … where's mom?" Alexis tried to look past him.

"Isn't she here?" Rick suddenly looked and sounded worried.

"I don't think so; I've been upstairs with Alex. I thought mom was with you. You two had a lunch date." Alexis was confused.

"We had an unexpected visitor. … I need to find Kate." Rick looked around past Alexis.

Alexis stepped aside and opened the door wider, then closing it and setting the alarm after he did. Then she pulled out her cell phone. "Straight to voice mail." Alexis informs her.

"Mind if I look around?" It wasn't his home.

"Sure, I'm going to go talk with grams, see if she knows anything." Alexis headed for the stairs while Rick went to the study.

Finding it empty he went to the master bedroom and found the door closed. "Kate?" Rick knocked on the door. "Kate, are you in there?"

Rick opened the door a crack so he could peek inside and saw Kate lying on the bed, curled up in a fetal position.

Rick stepped in and re-closed the door, then stepped up to the edge of the bed and kneeled down onto the floor.

Kate was curled up, lying on her side facing him however Rick could see that she had her eyes squeezed closed on purpose.

"Kate?" Rick reached in and wiped away a few tears. "Kate open your eyes, I need to look at you. … Please." Rick ran a finger lightly across her lower lip.

Rick watched as Kate slowly opened her eyes and then sniffled and wiped her nose.

"The weapon in question is a **Patton Commemorative Smith & Wesson .357 Magnum**, Deluxe Edition and I paid $2,495 when it was available.

The papers was a contact list of everyone who owed me a favor or whom I owed a favor to. Along with a number of people that I had met." Rick explains. "I know a few people." Rick smiled and could see Kate was paying attention.

"The ring was something I found one day. I was looking for something to give you as a present. Valentines, Birthday, something. … I wasn't finding anything I liked for the occasion. Then I saw that ring and I could hear it screaming your name.

It's a Tacori with a 3 carat center diamond with a total of .80 ctw diamonds on each side.

I didn't have an exact time that I was going to give it to you, down on one knee of course. I felt like it was going to be soon. … And then one day you pushed me away a little harder and it hurt.

It used to be sitting in a drawer of my desk, begging me to give it to you. I left the precinct early that day and didn't come back for days, and you were still distant when I did.

I had to start all over again, so I locked it up in the safe." Rick explains.

Kate's tears had started all over again as she listened to him talk. Kate reached out and stroked his face. "I'm so sorry Castle. I thought I needed to protect my heart from you. You kept getting too close. You were my friend and if we became something more and I lost you, …. I couldn't handle that. I had already lost so much.

Letting you in didn't hurt my heart it filled it. I had never been so happy before, even before I lost my mom.

And then you died." Kate's body started to convulse and her breathing came in gasps as the tears increased.

Rick pulled out Kate's left hand. "This belongs to you Kate." And Rick slides the ring back on her finger. "And while you might not have noticed but I am on one knee at the moment." Rick points out.


	20. Chapter 20

**CH20 (41)**

**It was now 3 months later:**

Steve along with Rick and the Castle clan were in the living room of the loft.

Rick was over early for dinner with the family, while Kate and Alexis had only gotten home a few minutes ago. Kate had given Rick access to the loft by programming in his thumb and fore finger prints into the system.

"I won't keep you since it looks like I'm interrupting dinner preparations. As you know we sued the FBI and agents Will Sorenson and Robert Matteson individually.

Then agent Matteson has subsequently fired agent Will Sorenson. I've learned that agent Robert Matteson has been forced into early retirement. Apparently he had enough pull to prevent himself from being fired. He is however out of all government jobs that require a security clearance, as is ex-agent Sorenson.

In addition we sued the FBI, and by proxy the US Government for $300 Million.

The government has countered with an offer of you accepting the outcome of agents Sorenson and Matteson, plus an offer of $180 million as compensation for the physical and emotional damages incurred from their direct actions." Steve summarizes.

"You can accept their offer and expect to have the money transferred into an account of your choosing by the end of next week. Should you decline it will mean a court trial that will likely not take place until Alexis is in her later 30's." The government was notorious for foot dragging.

"Or you can counter with a separate offer." Steve explains.

Kate looks at everyone. "Comments?" Kate wasn't sure what she wanted.

"The money doesn't interest me Katherine, and the men behind it all are no longer employed, even if one of them isn't paying that high a price." Martha offers.

"The money is yours pumpkin, you were the one that was injured. I know you completed your physical therapy and while it has pained me to watch you favor that arm, is $180 million acceptable compensation?

You've been keeping up with using the exercise room in the garage, mostly with Castle right next to you." Kate was proud of her. And actually Kate was still beyond furious at both Sorenson and Matteson, just didn't see where she could do anything more to either of them.

Kate also liked the results of Rick using the room. He has added weight and using the equipment had given Kate a hint of what he looked like when he was a part of that LRS team. It had Kate running her hands over his chest and down his arms and feeling their strength when Rick wrapped his arms around her.

Being in the original Castle's arms had been comforting, they were even more so now.

"Can we make all of this public? It will further humiliate them with what they did." Rick questions.

"Unfortunately no, it is one of the stipulations of the deal." Steve answers the question.

"I've mostly gotten what I wanted to have happen." Kate tells them. Sorenson and Matteson were out of the FBI and couldn't get any job that was similar. "Do you know where they are now?" Kate questions.

"Matteson is still in the DC area, while Sorenson has moved back to Boston. I don't know where he is exactly, I don't know of any of his family members being in the area." Steve answers her question.

That pleased Kate, it meant she didn't run the risk of accidentally running across Will in the near future.

"It was never about the money mom. Dad gave me more than what I'm likely to know what to do with." It was one of the things Alexis knew they hadn't discussed with Rick, but a lot of his memory was back now.

Rick still had trouble with people's names, even the people he had met recently. He also couldn't write worth a damn. He had tried to re-write his Nikki Heat book, but after 2 additional tries he had given up.

He could however see a story and take that story and draw boards and panels based off the story he was told. It was this ability that had gotten him a new job. He had only started last week and had brought his one and only client with him. The company was honoring his contract that he had with him.

"I'll inform them that you accept then. With your approval I'm going to put your money in an offshore account and arrange for you to have access to it." Steve informs her. "Let me know if there is anything else I can help you with."

Steve packs up his papers. "I'll bring the paperwork over for you both to sign and that will complete our lawsuit."

After Steve was gone Kate went upstairs to check on Alexander and bring him down, while Alexis went with her to use the bathroom to wash up to help with dinner.

"How is the new job Richard?" Martha was still concerned about what he thought of what he was doing.

"It's fine mother, it is upsetting that I lost the ability to write. Writing was such a part of my life. It feels like I'm starting all over again." Rick was still trying to adjust, it was just so weird.

"I'm just happy it's you Richard, even if I am still adjusting to the new you." Martha could feel it was her son, he just didn't look like her son.

It got Rick to chuckle. "You should try it from my perspective. Shaving in the morning looking in the mirror at someone else's face. I'm not sure how Kate or Alexis adapted so easily." Rick was however grateful that they both could look past what they saw.

"I've also noticed that Richard Carlisle was in great shape, which I suppose isn't surprising given what he did for a living." Rick was still wrapping his mind around being himself but look like someone else.

He was making love to Kate, but it was someone else's body that did the touching, even if he did feel every touch. He was Richard Castle and yet he wasn't.

"Katherine told us you gained access to your old money and have your ID cards from everything." Martha pointed out.

"Yeah." Rick chuckled. "I'm not rich like I used to be and the money I was earning wouldn't get me very far in this city. However out in Pittsburg, Kansas, it went pretty far. I wonder if that was partly why he chose that location.

It was only a $210,000 home in Pittsburg that would cost closer to $700,000 to $800,000 in New York.

It had 4 bedrooms, 2-1/2 baths at 2,800 Square feet of floor space on a 5.2 acre lot.

Rick still hadn't tried to find out if there was anyone out there for Richard Carlisle. That man had died, and trying to take his place wasn't something Rick wanted to do. He was right where he wanted to be.

Martha had retired to her room after dinner while Kate, who was holding Alexander, along with Alexis and Rick stayed up to watch a movie. Rick got to choose so he chose a movie he didn't remember ever watching. One that had some action in it, or so he hoped.

BATTLESHIP

Rick decided to just sit and watch the movie. His two favorite women on the planet had gotten good at movie trivia questions while he had been gone.

"I can take Alexander mom, since I'm headed for my room." Alexis holds out her arms after the movie was over.

"Sure, thanks pumpkin, but I still need to come up and pump for tomorrow." Kate tells her, handing over Alexander to her.

Kate moved over and leaned into Castle after Alexis was gone. Everything stayed like this for several minutes, just holding each other close and not talking.

Then Rick noticed the tears. "What Kate?"

Kate however shook her head, she liked it like this.

"The tears are for something Kate." Rick knew he couldn't push too hard or Kate would shut herself off like always.

_No more running, don't push him away. Not talking is what go them into trouble._

Kate took a heavy sigh. "Just happy you're here. I got that phone call and my life was destroyed. … Alexis and Alexander, named after you by the way, was the only thing that kept me going.

I'd finally opened my heart and ended up having it shredded on me. You were gone Castle, it was worse than even when I lost my mother. I just, … I couldn't, …." Kate needed to get off thinking these thoughts, Castle was back, well mostly back.

And it was enough, more than enough. He didn't look or feel like Castle, but Kate still loved him.

"It was magic Kate. And maybe a little determination to get back to you. Besides if memory serves, ..." It was an inside joke between the two of them. "I promised you an ALWAYS."

_He did didn't he, and he delivered, even if he isn't the same Rick that left. Still it had been relatively easy to overlook the look of the new Rick. Especially when the new Rick treated her just like the old Rick. It didn't hurt that he was just as good a lover as the old Rick._

"Castle, … take me to bed." Kate wanted him. Richard Castle was her's and she so wanted to be in love with him again, and again, and, …

**It was now 3 months later:**

Kate and Rick were at the airport again. They had only just gotten back from their honeymoon.

The Westin Europa & Regina, Venice Italy. Deluxe Terrace Suite. Gorgeous views of the Grand Canal. 710 square feet of space, Italian marble all over the bathroom, located on the 7th floor.

Two whole weeks to explore the area, including day trips to Treviso, Padova and one to Verona.

They had both loved it and Kate never went anywhere without holding onto Rick. This time she really was married to Castle.

Rick had even surprised her as they were filling out their wedding certificate. Kate was willing to change her last name to Carlisle. It was just a name, however Rick wanted to change his last name to Castle.

It had gotten Kate to almost faint followed by a squeal and launching herself into his arms. She was staying Mrs. Castle while Rick was becoming Richard Castle. It had Kate's heart pounding in her chest.

Now they were seeing off their daughter for her first year in college. A nice easy flight to Heathrow airport followed by a 1 hour train trip to Oxford University.

Kate had argued for this choice over Stanford. Alexis was sure Kate would try and talk her into going to her school, however Kate had brought up that she wasn't actually there for very long so she wasn't attached to Stanford.

Besides, a 2 hour train trip got her into Paris and from there she could take a train to almost anywhere. Besides Rick had left her more than enough money to get her degree in anything she wanted here.

Alexis however was just outside security holding onto Rick and crying. "I only just got you back dad. It's so not fair." College was calling but her heart wanted her to stay.

"And I wouldn't be here without you pumpkin. Somehow you were the key, I needed you to get me here. … And you're only a short flight away. We'll be over so often you'll get tired of seeing us." Rick teased.

"Not happening dad. You know you could buy a house over there." Alexis had suddenly thought up the perfect answer.

"And your mother has work. We both do." It got Rick to chuckle. He had a job he had to get up in the morning for now. Instead of staying at home all day. It was different.

"Just think about it." Alexis offered and then dropped it, then let go of her dad and moved over to Kate who was holding Alexander.

Alexis held out her arms as a silent wish to have her baby brother in her arms. It got Kate to smile and hand him over.

"He's already grown up a lot and I'm not going to see him for months. I'm going to miss his first time crawling, his first word, maybe even his first step." It had Alexis crying. She was going to miss so much.

"You have Skype pumpkin and I promise to use it a lot. Maybe even abuse it a lot. Plus you have money to buy a ticket home any time you choose. There is always space for you. Fly out one day and back the next." Kate offers.

Alexis hands over Alexander to her dad, and then wraps up her mom in her arms. "I'm going to miss you mom, you're the only reason my heart is still in one piece."

It got Kate to start crying with her and hug her back. "You're the best Alexis, I don't know what I would have done without you."

Rick had his arm around Kate who was holding Alexander as they watched Alexis go through security until they couldn't see her anymore. "Good thing we used a car service, I can't see to drive." Kate wiped away her tears, only to have them replaced with more.

The loft was quiet when they got home. Alexis was gone, Martha had moved into her apartment above her acting studio. Martha had 9 students and was looking at another 9 applicants to fill the 2 spaces that she was willing to add.

Kate started working on dinner while Rick took Alexander up to his room. He had fallen asleep on the drive home.

"It's not going to be the same around here without her." Rick pointed out wiping away his own tears. He may have come back for Kate, but it was Alexis who was the key.

"We need to find someone to take care of Alexander while we are at work." Kate points out. They could still count on Martha from time to time, but without Alexis they needed a more long term solution.

"We can start looking into it after dinner." Rick wasn't the cook he used to be anymore. He wouldn't starve if he was alone, but Kate was so much better than him.

Rick couldn't write and couldn't cook, and he was still missing an occasional person's name. He wasn't totally back, but it was mostly him. It left Rick wondering what else had been lost in the transition.

"Kate?" Rick had a question but didn't want to make her mad.

"Hhmmm?" Kate answered back with her back to him while she worked.

"Did you miss not having your father give you away at the wedding?" Rick wanted to help her reconnect with her father.

Rick saw Kate freeze and stopped doing anything. "Not really. My life is already a mess. My mother ends up murdered, my father disappears into a bottle. The man I finally let into my heart dies on me, leaving me pregnant with his child. I end up adopting his only child and the two of them give me a reason to go on living.

Then the man who I love more than anything comes back to me, even if there are a few changes. Not all of which are that bad. Now I'm married to him and as happy as I've ever been. … DAMN!" Kate yanks her hand away. She was distracted and had screwed up.

Kate however soon found herself in her husband's arms. "It may not look like me Kate, but believe me, it is me. And I love you as much now as I did then, and I'm still going to do everything I can to prove it to you."

Kate tries to bury her head into Rick's chest. "Just don't go dying on me again, I don't think my heart can take that again." Alexis and Alexander might not be enough next time.

"Castle?" Kate had a question, just now sure what Rick would think of it. "I want a baby. Our baby. … I know Alexander is yours, but he isn't biologically yours, and the house is empty Castle. And I don't want to be alone. I used to think that was all my life was ever going to be. Now I know better." Kate kept her head buried in Rick's chest.

Rick knew Kate was on the pill and they would need to wait for it to wear off. "I'd be only too happy to practice making a baby with you." Rick comments holding Kate tight to him.

**It was now 3 months later:**

Kate, Rick and Alexander were exiting the customs area of Terminal 2, known as the Queen's Terminal at Heathrow airport. It involved a tremendous amount of walking, and walking, and walking.

Kate was never so happy to have Rick back in shape like he likely was when he was in the military. His chest was broad and strong, and his arms were almost too heavily muscled for Kate's taste. But the feel of him and the strength of being in his arms quickly made that thought go away.

Rick was carrying his carry-on and was pulling both of their check bags behind him along with the laptop bag. Kate had her carry-on along with Alexander who had gotten tired of walking.

They finally cleared the tunnel they were in and came out into a larger terminal. It had this short metal fence that curved to the right that was filled with mostly men standing there holding cards.

As soon as they cleared the fence they all saw a dancing, waving and crying Alexis who rushed them as soon as they cleared the fence.

"Hi pumpkin." Kate put Alexander down and hugged her daughter and started crying with her.

Alexis switched to hugging Rick next. "I've missed you too dad." Alexis tells him still crying.

"And you young man, do you know who I am?" Alexis kneeled down to Alexander's level.

"Lexi." Alexander answers recognizing Alexis from all the Skype phone calls and the web cam on the laptops they both have access to, with the help of his mom and dad.

It got Alexis to smile even wider and wrap him up in her arms and continue to cry.

"We're taking the underground to get to where you will be staying." Alexis tells them after letting go of Alexander. "It's only a few blocks away from an entrance. … The underground here is even easier to use than New York's." Alexis had used it a lot. She had also gotten used to using the trains between school and London.

"Our hotel is that close?" Kate was surprised.

Alexis however shook her head. "I canceled your hotel, you're staying with me while I'm in London." Alexis explains.

It got Kate and Rick to look at her funny. What did she mean staying with her in London?

"I have a surprise for you, you're gunna love it." Alexis was smiling.

Alexis took them to the underground station at the airport on got on the Pickadilly line that took them into London.

It was a little over an hour train ride, there were a number of stops and they had to change trains once.

**Journey:** Heathrow Terminals 1-3 → Hatton Cross → Hounslow West → Hounslow Central → Hounslow East → Osterley → Boston Manor → Northfields → South Ealing → Acton Town → Hammersmith → Barons Court → Earls Court → Gloucester Road → South Kensington → Knightsbridge → Hyde Park Corner → Green Park → Piccadilly Circus → Leicester Square → Covent Garden → Holborn → Russell Square → Kings Cross St. Pancras _change train_ Kings Cross St. Pancras → Euston → Camden Town → Kentish Town → Tufnell Park → Archway → Highgate → East Finchley.

Pickadilly line to Northern line.

They were at the front of the car where there was room for all their luggage. "Where are we going pumpkin?" Kate didn't understand. They had hotel reservations, or at least they did. Rick had chosen it for them. It was something Castle still did happily.

Kate had forced him out of selecting a Presidential Suite. Yes Castle had made a lot of money, but they were trying to live off of the money Kate and Rick made now. Which wasn't that hard since the Loft and all the other homes were paid for. And the money Castle had left them was slowly making them even more money.

"That's the surprise mom, you're going to love it." Alexis was giddy happy and Kate could see her bubbling all over with enthusiasm. Whatever it was Alexis was happy.

Kate still hated surprises, but her daughter was so happy about her surprise, Kate let her keep it. Besides her and Rick had their own surprise.

They got off the train and started climbing stairs dragging their suitcases behind them. This time Alexis was there to help and she was out in front knowing just where to go.

Finally Alexis stopped. "Here we are." Alexis announces standing in front of a row house. It was a two story house with a navy blue front door. A small front yard with a little fence out front. It was cute!

"Where are we pumpkin?" Kate was starting to get an idea, but needed to hear it.

"It's home when any of us are in London. I used some of the money from the FBI lawsuit to buy it. I've only owned it for about 2 months, maybe a little less actually. The contractor only just finished remodeling the bedrooms a couple of weeks ago.

It had a few problems. The plumbing was basically shot so I had it all replaced with that PEX piping that is in Grams place, and the bedrooms were horrible so they were remodeled. Then I had to have it furnished.

It's only a couple of blocks from an underground station so it is easy to get around from here. Come on I'm dying to show it to you." Alexis walked up and unlocked the front door. It had a new lock that looked eerily similar to the lock on the door to the loft.

**Summerlee Avenue, london N2**

Three double bedroom terraced house, situated in the ever popular Summerlee Avenue moments from East Finchley's tube station and Cherry Tree Woods. In need of some updating comprising two reception rooms, one open to kitchen with French door leading to west facing garden, guest W.C, three bedrooms, and family bathroom. Good sized loft space with potential to convert (stpp). Garage to rear of property. No upper chain involved.

It had a backyard that had some grass, but also had what looked like a brand new deck, that had a grill area, a hot tub with 2 privacy walls that had a pergola over it, with the garage in the back.

Just to the left was a seating area that was a bench with a privacy screen behind it, a table with 3 chairs on the other side. It was lovely!

"It's gorgeous pumpkin." Rick and Kate practically said simultaneously. "Do we want to know what it cost?" Kate asks knowing real estate in London didn't likely come cheap.

"It actually wasn't that bad mom. It was only **£1,075,000 **not including the remodel, back deck or the furnishings." Alexis answers her question.

Kate had to admit that wasn't that big of a cost. A mere fraction of the $180 million Alexis was awarded in the lawsuit.

"How's the arm pumpkin." Kate put a hand on each arm up high and looked into her eyes.

"It's still weak which is sometimes annoying, but it doesn't hurt anymore." Alexis answered honestly.

Rick had come back from the room Alexander would be staying in since he was tired. It was a long flight and train trip for him.

"So why a house?" Kate was curious.

"I got to thinking about what you said one time. At first I thought about buying something in Paris and travel from there. But what I saw on-line and what it cost didn't appeal to me. And it is only a 2 hour train trip from here. Plus a short hop via the underground.

I was thinking of staying here and find a job after I graduate. I really like it here. It's new and I get to explore." Alexis sounded excited. "I just need you two to come over as often as possible. I have space." Alexis holds her arms out wide.

"We'd be happy to come over here as often as we can pumpkin." Rick answers for them.

"And you're going to need the space." Kate tells her looking like she has her own secret.

"MOM?" Alexis looked at her, and then started sizing her up. Kate didn't look any different.

"I'm 7 weeks pregnant." Kate tells her.

"SERIOUSLY!?" Alexis all but yells, and then launches herself into her mother's arms. Starting to cry all over again**.**


	21. Chapter 21

**CH21 (42)**

**Epilogue:**

**It was just a couple of months short of 6 years later:**

Kate, Rick, Alexander and James were just arriving at Alexis's and her familiy's new home. They hadn't lived here long and none of them had ever been here.

Alexis had since sold her home in London and moved to Paris. Her husband had been offered a once in a lifetime opportunity to relocate and accept the position that was open.

Alexis had chosen to quit her job and move with him. It hadn't taken her long to find another job in Paris. Hôtel-Dieu, 1 place du Parvis Notre-Dame 75004 Paris. It is considered to be the oldest Hospital in France, the very first hospital in Paris.

Their new home was Paris, Right Bank : Foch And 16th District. 5 bedroom, 4 bathrooms, 8 rooms total at 3,552 square feet. PARIS 16th. Marvelous reception apartment with storming terrace in the same level. South exposition. View of the Eiffel tower. Five bedrooms, four bathrooms. Perfect condition. Air conditioning. High security. Beautiful 18th Century wood paneling in the living room. Two parking spaces, one staff studio of 15 square meters and one cellar of 30 square meters.

Alexis with her newest addition met them at the front door of the building. "Hi mom, dad." Alexis handed off her little girl to her mother so she could envelope Alexander in a big hug. "You've gotten so big and I miss you so much."

Alexis had spent so much time helping her mother raise him she almost felt like he was hers. "And you young man, don't I get a hug?" Alexis held out her arms to James, who stepped into them.

"I remember when they were both just babies." Alexis blinked back tears. It had only been 5 years, but it felt like a lot longer, and so many things had changed since her dad had died in Chicago, only to come back to them somehow.

"She's gorgeous pumpkin." Alexis may be grown but to Kate and even Rick, she would always be pumpkin. "It looks like she inherited your hair color." Kate notices the orange tint of her hair.

"Yeah, she has my hair and complexion and Mark's eyes. I loved Alexander instantly when you brought him home and I thought I understood how you could love so unconditionally. Now I really do." Alexis was beaming.

"Come on up, all your rooms are ready and Mark will be home in a few hours after he gets off work. He was granted the next 3 days off from work, while I have the entire week that you are here. I get to show you around Paris, maybe we can take a train and go somewhere while you are here." Alexis offered.

Kate got to share luggage duty with Rick this time since both of her boys could easily walk the distance since Alexander was 5 going on 6 and James was 3 going on 4 soon. They were just a few months short of being 2 years apart in age.

"WOW, ALEXIS!" Kate's mouth was hanging open. "The pictures you sent didn't do it justice."

The main room had floor to ceiling windows that allowed you to look out onto one of the decks and gave a partial view of the Eiffel Tower in the distance. The main deck where you could sit and eat outside had a better view. "The paneling is 18th century." Alexis provides.

The dining room could seat 14 people and had a large Japanese multi-panel painting on the wall. The windows in this room were also floor to ceiling that showed off the evergreen trees, perfect for Christmas decorations in large pots out on the wrap around deck.

The master bathroom had dual vanities with a soaking tub located between them.

The master bedroom had a kind of Japanese feel to it with the bamboo floors, large painting of a tiger over the bed and the comforter on the bed had a Japanese feel to it. "It's a little more Japanese looking than I like and I'm thinking of changing that, but it can wait." Alexis explains.

"This place is amazing pumpkin." Kate loved it. Kate wasn't sure it was Alexis's style, but she was all grown up with a husband and a little girl of her own so maybe it had changed over the years. She did mention that it came furnished, so likely it was the previous owner and not her or Mark's.

Kate couldn't help but look down on the little bundle of joy in her arms.

"How is work coming along?" Kate asks her, knowing she left a good job in London to follow Mark to Paris.

"I'm still off on maternity leave for the next 2 months and work is nice. I was forced to change my type of duties to get it. It is kind of a thrill working in the oldest hospital in France, but then it's also the oldest hospital in France." Alexis rolled her eyes and hoped they knew what she meant.

The building itself was old, older than any building in the States. Air conditioning was spotty and dependent on where you were in the building. The heating system was old school and the electrical? Well the building was built before there was electricity.

Everything in Europe was different. Thanks to the 2 hour train trip Alexis had been to Paris a number of times before she actually moved here. She wasn't yet fluent in French but her earlier trips here had allowed her to get a head start.

And her mother had been wrong about her finding a nice Italian guy who would woo her. Mark didn't live in Venice, if fact he had never even been there, Mark was definitely British. His accent was pretty much a dead giveaway. Fortunately his French was a little better than hers.

They found themselves sitting outside on the deck looking at the upper level of the Eiffel Tower. The buildings in the distance blocked part of the view, still you could see it.

Kate still had Johanna Houghton Roberts in her arms. Kate had started crying when Alexis had told Kate the name they had chosen. Kate could hear Alexis's influence written all over it. However Mark and even Alexis to a lesser extent had started calling her Jo.

"You have plans for us while we're here?" Kate asked.

Alexis nodded her head. "As soon as Mark gets home we're going to take you out to the Eiffel Tower and all the way to the top. They call this place the city of lights. You understand that name when you are up there and it's dark out. Mark and I have a plan on how to feed her every couple of hours while we are out in public." Europe is a little more forgiving of having mothers breast feed their children in public, still there is a limit.

"Tomorrow we're going to drop you off at a tour company and let you pick one to go on. Our one car won't hold everyone, since cars out here are a lot smaller than the ones in the States. There is no such thing as Ford Expeditions or Cadillac Escalades here, the streets are way too skinny for those. But at least they drive on the right side of the road here." Alexis had to laugh at herself.

Learning to drive on the wrong side of the car on the wrong side of the road using her left hand to shift and been a tremendous struggle for her, hence she left most of the driving to Mark after they met. Now Alexis did most of the driving since now Mark was on the wrong side.

"Are we going to Disneyland Paris while we are here?" Rick asked excitedly.

"Please Lex?" Alexander had heard that. It did however get Alexis to start laughing. Her father was still a little kid at heart and she could hear her dad in Alex's voice.

"Sure there is even a train that can take us there and back, we've never been there so it'll be first for us too." Alexis answers his question.

"YES!" Rick high fives his oldest son, who wasn't his but was. It still boggled his mind. However Alexander didn't know any different, Rick was his dad, end of story.

It got Kate to shake her head, her grown up husband was such a child sometimes. It was one of the reasons she had fallen in love with the original Castle and was happy the new Castle was just the same. It made overlooking that he didn't look like the original Castle that much easier.

"We were thinking of a day trip to Lyon. Take a train out and visit the city and then a train back here. Since Mark only has 3 days we were thinking of taking a train to Rome and spend the night.

We already have hotel reservations." Alexis hopped up and left the patio but was soon back and handed over a paper to Rick and one to Kate.

Boscolo Exedra

Piazza della Repubblica, 47

00187 Roma

"We've booked two Panorama rooms that overlook the fountain Delle Naidai in the Piazza Delle Repubblica. It's not far from the train station, we could probably walk to it." It was 7500 euros per room per night Kate noticed since Alexis wasn't hiding it.

"After that it is up to you. We can see more of Paris or do another day trip by train, it'll just be without Mark." Alexis knew Mark had asked for the entire week, but they had only granted him 3 days. They considered themselves lucky that that got those 3 days, since he had only just started his new work.

Alexis was on maternity leave otherwise she might not have even gotten 3 days.

"We'll think of something pumpkin, mostly we just came out here to see you, Mark and this little one." Kate looked down at the bundle that was still in her arms, when Jo started to cry.

Kate knew just what to do about that since James was not a quiet baby like Alexander had been.

"Ok so you don't want attention, or maybe you just want mommy, and you're clean." Kate coos at her.

"She's probably hungry." Alexis took her from Kate and went inside. Kate followed in a moment.

Kate found her in the nursery with Jo attached to her nipple, a scene Kate was only all to familiar with. "Kinda like old times?" Kate sat in the spare chair.

Alexis smiled not attempting to cover up. "Reminds me of you and Alex, it seems like only yesterday."

"Except this time it's your nipples taking a beating instead of mine." Kate had to chuckle as she teased her daughter. It got Alexis to chuckle with her.

"How do you feel pumpkin?" Kate had her alone so it was time to ask the tougher questions.

"Tired actually, Jo isn't ready for a bottle yet so pumping is out for now. Meaning I'm the one that has to get up in the middle of the night. All I get are cat naps.

And there's still a little pain, but it's not bad. … You didn't warn me about the pain mom. I almost broke Mark into two pieces. I said some mean things to him while I was in labor, it had me apologizing to him as soon as she was in my arms." Alexis confides.

"It comes with the territory pumpkin, I'm sure Mark knows you didn't mean it. Your father wasn't there when Alexander was born, but I made up for it when James was born. I think I scared Castle half to death, thinking I meant every word I yelled." Kate started laughing, the look on Castle's face hadn't helped any.

"Are you and dad still, ..." Alexis didn't know how to approach the subject.

Kate giggled. "Yes Castle and I are fine pumpkin, it took me a few months to want him again. If I wasn't back on the pill again I'd probably be pregnant right now." Kate knew there were only rare occasions when they didn't make love to each other daily still. Though with 2 boys in the loft, it took more planning than it used to.

It made Alexis feel better since letting Mark touch her right now was out and she didn't want it to stay that way.

Alexis moved Jo to her other nipple. "How's dad?" Alexis and Kate talked a lot and used Skype a lot, but she wanted to hear it with Kate right in front of her.

"I know he doesn't look like Castle, but under all that it is Castle. From the plans that Castle liked to make, to all the little things, like acting like a child sometimes, to the way he makes love to me. Its Castle pumpkin, it really is. I still don't know how and Castle doesn't either.

He remembers a few more things as time passes by, or maybe more like works out was just a dream and what is real. Like being in Chicago, he has worked out most of what happened there, just not the accident itself. THANK GOD!" Kate was happy for that. "He remembers most of the baseball game, how much fun we had inside and out." Kate was grinning since that was code for he remembered making love to her both times.

"He also remembers yelling at Gina in the taxi, he was mad at her, like really mad. He doesn't remember why or what he said, but it might explain why the taxi ran that red light." Kate tells her.

Alexis thought about that while feeling her daughter bite down on her nipple just a little too hard, causing her to move her mouth a little. "Gina was always under dads skin, I never understood why he married her. … You think they distracted the taxi driver?" Alexis was guessing.

"I think so yeah, whatever it was they were talking about that got Castle mad, he placed too much attention on it instead of his driving." Kate was guessing but it fit the facts that she had.

"That would mean that Gina, …. GOD MOM, Gina got them killed." Alexis was suddenly crying, she had never really liked Gina, but now she had reason to hate her. She had taken her father from her.

"The taxi driver got them killed pumpkin, but yeah, if she hadn't pissed off Castle that much, the accident likely wouldn't have happened." Kate didn't want to hate Gina, but she did now.

"I hope she rots where ever she is." Alexis wanted her to suffer like she had made them suffer, and then multiply it by some huge number. "Makes me even more happy that I got you to go to Chicago to be with dad." He was at least happy before he died.

"As I recall I don't remember being given a choice, since you did all the planning." Kate stares at her.

"You were in love with dad, mom. I wasn't going to just sit there and wait for dad to get back. You were missing him and you were miserable, and don't bother to tell me I'm wrong." Alexis pointed a finger at her mother, and then cleaned up Jo's mess and made herself more presentable, while Kate took Jo from her and burped her.

While Kate softly patted her back. "No you were right, I was missing him and I was miserable. That one day is still the single most happiest day I've ever had.

I was so in love, perfect date, perfect, ..." Kate trails off, declining to say the perfect day of sex she had ever had. "And it was the day that gave me Alexander." Castle may be back, but he was still the only thing she had left of the original Castle.

"Does Mark know?" Kate asks, meaning any of Castle.

Alexis shakes her head. "No and I don't intend to ever tell him either." Mark had no reason to know that her father had died and come back. To Mark, this Castle was her father. He was the one that walked her down the aisle at her wedding.

It was also the reason Alexis now had a dual citizen ship. One American and one British. As for France it wasn't really home yet, they had only been here a few months.

"What's it like having dad closer to your own age? Alexis was curious, since this Rick was only 1 year older than Kate.

"To be honest I haven't really thought about it much. I suppose it does mean Castle gets back 10 years of his life and he won't be too old for them by the time the boys graduate high school. Though I am liking that he is a lot more fit now." Kate started blushing. This Rick was keeping up with her in ways the old Rick didn't. He even went out on runs with her now. Kate still didn't understand why this Rick was single. He was handsome and he was built.

It got Alexis to start grinning at her mom, thinking the wrong thing. Not knowing the old Rick had always been able to keep up with Kate in bed.

"How did Lanie and the guys take to having a new Castle in your life?" Since this Rick had taken his old name when they got married.

"The guys ribbed me for a while, but since this Castle doesn't come into the precinct like the old one, it passed quickly." Since the original Castle had died Kate had gotten used to him not being in the precinct. Still it was a hole in her life that Kate understood was likely never to be fixed. "Castle has even had them over for video game marathons. ... I think it's the free food that gets them to come though." Kate starts chuckling. "The guys don't call him Castle anymore though, to them he's Rick, since he doesn't look like Castle. It hurt Castle a little bit at first, but he's adjusted about as well as they have to me being with a new guy."

"And Lanie?" Alexis was sure that hadn't gone smoothly.

Kate did however laugh a little. "LANIE! ... She's happy I found someone who loves me and that I love him back. The fact that Rick changed his name to Castle when we got married instead of me being a Carlisle? ... Yeah, she's still not over that one. ... And I really hate lying to her. Just that telling her the truth? ..." Kate didn't think that would go over well even today. And Kate was happy to still be a Castle and have a Castle in her life. Well better make that 3 Castle's.

"How is your dad?" Alexis asks watching Jo fall asleep in Kate's arms.

"He's fine actually, we had him over for dinner before we came over here." Kate tells her, still holding a sleeping Jo in her arms.

"I'm glad it was just a misunderstanding with a poor choice of words." Alexis points out.

"I don't know how I keep screwing up. First I wouldn't let your father into my heart and then losing him damn near broke me. Then to interpret what my dad had been trying to say. Except what he said hurt so much. My pregnancy was the one piece I still had that was of Castle. … No offense." Alexis wasn't really her daughter at that time.

"It's fine mom, you were my dad's girlfriend at the time. Not my mother yet. … And I heard what you heard too and I hated him for what he said too. We didn't hear wrong, he just didn't say what he meant." That day with Kate's dad had turned into a mess. All that time lost because of un-intended words.

Kate was still sad about that time. She lost her dad to a bottle and then lost him again when he meant to try and talk her out or thinking about getting an abortion because the father was gone. She had lost her mom and then her dad, … twice.

"How is dad, honestly." Alexis didn't want long distance platitudes.

It got Kate to start smiling. "He's actually doing pretty good. I knew he was a great father since I got to see him with you, but he's amazing with the boys. Castle may have his faults, plus he puts up with mine." It got Kate to chuckle. "He may not be the perfect husband for everyone, but he's the perfect husband for me and an amazing father.

His work has brought in 3 new clients to the firm. It seems the word is out that they have an illustrator that can take the story ideas that are in your head and then draw them for you.

I think I've finally convinced him that he is still involved with stories, he just isn't the one who's writing them. He's drawing them instead. So he really is dreaming up stories in his head and putting them on paper. It just isn't in words this time. And they gave him a 24% raise last quarter, I was so proud of him. He's still chafing that he has to go into work each day of the week, like any normal worker." Kate started to chuckle.

"Yeah I can see where that would cause dad some discomfort. He was used to being home for me, writing at his own pace, until Gina would call him demanding something from him." Alexis chuckled with her.

"Well not to fear, we turned his writing study into an illustrator study. Castle does some of his work at home now instead of going into the office, now he has Matt calling him at home asking him where some of the panels he needs are.

It gets him to stay up all night drawing so he can drive them into the office the next day. It's kinda like old times, just with different names." Kate was shaking her head.

"And you're still at the 12th precinct?" It was the last place Alexis knew her mom was at. They didn't usually talk about her work.

"Yup, I'm lead homicide detective, Montgomery is still the Captain. The boys and I are still trying to figure out why he's so happy. He's been that way ever since the Bracken arrest. I mean he's always been nice to work with, he's taught me a lot, but there is something different about him. Not that we're working very hard on it." Kate was smiling.

"Why change it if it isn't broke?" Alexis offers.

"Or don't look a gift horse in the mouth, don't rock the boat. Still it is curious, maybe one day." Kate offered. "And I found out last night before I left work that Montgomery wants me to take the Lieutenants exam. It will place me in charge of the entire homicide floor." Kate however wasn't smiling.

"And you don't want to?" Alexis can see the hesitation of her face.

"It might mean I go out in the field less and have even more paperwork to deal with." Kate wasn't sure she would like that. "I also had some FED guy tell me there was a position open in the AG office, except it would mean I would have to move to DC." Kate liked the idea of the job, just not its location.

Alexis however was grinning wide. "Pumpkin?" Kate had noticed and wanted to know why she was grinning.

"Come with me mom." Alexis gets up and offers her hand. Then leads her into the master bedroom again, and watched Alexis step up to the huge HDTV that was on the wall. Except when she turned it on it was something else.

Kate gasped. "It's a murder board, just like the one at the loft. I thought it was a TV." Kate's mouth was hanging open and she decided to sit on the bed since she still had Jo in her arms.

"It is a TV, it just doubles as a murder board. Mark and I use it for his work from time to time. We brought it with us from London. I was thinking we put things up for being a lieutenant and something for the AG job. If you can see it, maybe it will help you decide." Alexis offers.

"Give me Jo so I can put her down and you can start entering the information, it works just like the old one in the loft." Alexis takes Jo and leaves Kate with the board.

Alexis was soon back and the two of them could hear Castle playing with his sons, leaving Kate and Alexis to work in peace.

"I don't know mom, I thought this would make it easier, not harder." Alexis was staring at the board.

Kate sighed, she had been hoping it would help too. "I guess that just leaves what your heart tells you mom." Alexis wasn't sure she could help her now.

"If I was any good at listening to my heart I would have been married to your father long ago." And not of had him die on her, was left un-said.

"You said you would stop running mom, you had a dream when you joined the NYPD. You got your mothers killer, thanks in part to dad. So what is your dream now?" Was her question helping?

"And do you believe now mom?" Alexis changed subjects.

"I had a hard time believing he was talking to me after he was gone, and I adapted to that because I wanted to. Even if I couldn't have Castle, I could at least get him to talk to me." Kate blinked back the tears that this topic always brought.

"And now?" Alexis pushes.

"Now he's back from the dead in someone else's body. If Castle had brought that up as one of his crazy theories I would have shot him down without hesitation. Now here I am in Paris with a daughter I didn't think I would ever have. With two sons from two different men who happen to be the same man." Kate was sure she was in some kind of episode from the Twilight Zone or something.

"And you love him." Alexis wasn't asking.

"Yeah, I love him. I love the old Castle and I love the new Castle with all of my heart. Both of them, … him. I swear it's going to drive me nuts some day." Kate started chuckling while wiping the tears away. There was a scar where the hole of having Castle die used to be, but at least it wasn't a hole now. Having Rick come back to her and loving him had fixed all that.

"And if you had been offered the AG job just after dad died?" Alexis asks wondering if this was helping any.

"I'd be all alone in DC raising my son all by myself and never have known Rick had returned to me, … us." Kate amended.

"Home is where dad is mom, like my home is where Mark is. New York and the loft will always be where I grew up with dad and then you, but this is my home now.

Which is more important mom, staying in New York? A city you know well, or asking dad to quit his job, that he just got a raise at, take Alex out of school and move all of you to a city you've never even been in before?" Alexis offers.

"You quit and moved to Paris." Kate counters.

"I'm a medical specialist, my skills are needed everywhere. My old job in London offered me a raise if I stayed, and Jo wasn't even born yet." Knowing that Jo had been born in Paris. "My circumstances are different from yours. I had already left New York and made London my home. Following Mark was a no-brainer. Yes this home is a lot more expensive then the home in London, but I have the money and we both fell in love with the place when we saw it." Alexis explains. The size, the age, it's location and of course the view. Plus it was one of the most secure buildings in all of Paris. Perfect for Mark's job.

"Mark makes more money now and my job has always made me good money. Not enough to buy this place, but we can live here comfortably on our pay, just like you and dad do." Alexis points out.

"That reminds me, have you done anything with the home in Bel-Air?" Kate asks her.

Alexis shakes her head. "It's still rented out to the people who moved into it years ago. So long as they make all the payments, I'm not throwing them out just so I can sell it." Alexis didn't want the house. They didn't have any trouble with Meredith anymore, but that didn't mean much. She was far to unpredictable for them to believe she was gone and going to have it stay that way.

"OH, I almost forgot, I have something for you." And Kate hugs Alexis tightly in a motherly hug. "I miss you darling, please be happy and safe." Kate tells her. "That was from Martha." Kate smiles at Alexis watching the tears form.

"I think I've decided, not sure this thing helped any, but it was fun to use it again." Kate tells her, turning back to the murder board.

"And?" Alexis really did want to know.

"I have a family, something I've always wanted before mom was killed and I've gone through a lot to get it. It should be my number one priority. Trying to find out who killed my mom cost me a lot, and Castle is a big reason why I succeeded and why I have a family.

I don't need the job I have that much anymore and if I take the AG job, I'll have to uproot everyone so they can chase me for some job when I already have one. If I become a Lieutenant maybe my hours will become a little more stable and maybe fewer fears that I won't come home to my family one day.

The AG job might have been something I would have jumped at years ago, when I didn't have anyone in my life, but I do now." Kate reasons out.

"So you're staying in New York?" Alexis was hoping she would but didn't want to push unless she had to.

"Yeah, it's the best choice for me now." Kate confirms, getting Alexis to hug her mom tight. Getting Kate to chuckle. "I take it you approve?"

"I was afraid I was going to have to talk out of going to DC. Of anyplace in the States I could think of NOT wanting to live, that place would be high on that list." Alexis was giggling.

"Come on pumpkin, we're on vacation and I want to spend as much of it with you and your family as I can. … MY DAUGHTER IS MARRIED AND HAS A FAMILY!" Kate was happy.

**It was now 2 weeks later:**

Alexis reached for her ringing cell phone while nursing Jo noticing it was a Skype call. "Hi mom." Alexis was happy to hear from her, even though they had only left a week ago. Then she instantly became concerned. Kate was crying and her dad who was right behind her was grinning from ear to ear.

"Mom, what's wrong? …. Mom talk to me." Alexis didn't know what to think, their two faces were a contradiction.

"We're still at the hospital pumpkin." Kate tells her. Getting Alexis really worried now, except that her dad was beaming.

Alexis was doing her best to look between the two of them. "What happened?" It must not be too bad if her dad was smiling, but mom was crying.

"We just got the blood test results and we called you first.

I'M 7 WEEKS PREGNANT!" And Kate kept on crying happy tears. She really was happy!

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To all those that managed to read their way through all of this, my thanks. It isn't one of my better works in my humble opinion. I had an idea in my head that turned out to be a lot harder to put on paper then I thought.

So if you have made it this far, be gentle. I promise to try harder next time. I'm going back to the Sci-fi stories since those are the ones I love, with just a little twist this time. I'm only up to chapter 5 on it, so it will be a little while before i post the first chapter.


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